Your Write to Health

SUMMER READING

2008-08-25T08:58:00-07:00

My son is home right now laboring away to complete his summer reading and summer math packet. We were away for vacation (a conference for me) and I’ll reflect on aspects of that over my next blogs. But I’ve been up since early this morning with anxiety revving me up about his unfinished projects, so this is where my thoughts are taking me.

How could he have the whole summer to finish projects and still be slaving away the day before school? My daughter’s work is finished (and she’s the younger of the two). That should remind us about temperament and different work styles among individuals.

I can’t completely fault my son. He probably got some of his procrastination tendencies from me. I try to stay on top of things now, but I can remember as a student working up until the last moment to get work done. There is a quote I remember reading that what bothers us about others is often something that we don’t like to face about ourselves. So when his procrastination tightens my nerves, I need to take a deep breath and focus on my own habits. Focus on what I am teaching him with my actions and not with my words. I also need to remember that each of us have our own approaches to life.

I know that some of my anxiety is watching him get his work done. But is there an element because it reminds me of difficulties in organizing everything in my life? I might not be behind on my summer reading, but I do operate with too many piles in my house. I need to be aware of my reaction because my level of frustration with him could be related to my frustration with myself.

I also need to look at what I’m teaching my children about organization and work habits. Writing this, I know that I’m going to have a long weekend getting the house organized as school gets into official swing. As parents we need to demonstrate and provide a holding environment for our children to learn, this is how to prioritize, this is how to parcel out work, this is how to delay the gratification of fun summer reading and get that report written. It is not what we say, but what we do that our children and others notice and learn from.

Finally, I need to understand that we each have our own styles and temperaments. This is often important within families and can sometimes be part of what escalates problems. I have seen families in which parents are more outgoing. They have a hard time understanding their quiet child. Sometimes difficulties can escalate because of differences in approach—what a parent sees as constructive suggestions; a child can see as criticism and can wilt under the pressure. Styles within families may need to be adjusted so that individuals can work together to support each other.

So—

What bothers you about other people in your life? Journal about it—could it possibly relate to something that you are having a hard time accepting about yourself?
What are you teaching others through your words and through your actions? Are you demonstrating the same thing or something different? If we say that everyone should have the ability to express her opinion, but then talk over someone when she is trying to communicate, what are we really demonstrating? Maybe journal, using two columns, what I say and what I do, are they the same or different?
Within your relationships, are there differences in styles and temperaments? Do issues arise because you’re more organized and someone else isn’t? Are you buoyed by loud chaos which seems to bother another? Journal about your family and times that disagreements or discord arise. Are individuals approaching issues with different styles and perceptions? Is this affecting expectations and interactions? By understanding people’s different temperaments, we can work to understand our own reactions, our perceptions, our expectations.

So go Write On! (And don’t leave it for the last minute.)

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

"WHACK-A-MOLE"

2008-08-05T14:17:10-07:00

In a recent group, we discussed inner voice. It is a difficult concept to grab onto. I keep searching for images to help people connect with this concept. I pulled in a quote from a daily inspiration service and asked everyone to journal.

A day spent judging another is a painful day. A day spent judging yourself is a painful day. You don't have to believe your judgments: they're simply an old habit.
- The Buddha

The many negative judgments that individuals make about themselves were discussed in the group. Ed is pernicious and pessimistic. He works hard to make people feel bad about themselves. In the discussion, one woman said that her inner voice was like the “whack-a-mole” game. That stopped me for a moment. But when she shared her thoughts, they gave me such a visual image; I knew that I’d have to share it here.

She described her inner voice as trying to tell her positive things. But whenever it pops up, Ed, like the big whacking hammer of that game, tries to mash it down. He makes her inner voice duck back in and hide. But like the game when the moles keep popping their heads out, her inner voice can’t stay silenced. It pops out again and shares more positive beliefs. It dodges Ed’s pounding hammer. But it has to hide again when he delivers a blow. In and out. Hide and seek. Her inner voice might have to hide from Ed, but it’s not gone forever. It’s still there.

We made a “Whack-a-mole” list of positive things her voice would say. The list included: “You’re beautiful.” “You can get through this.” You’re unique.” “You’re wonderful.”

Sometimes the concept of inner voice includes our core beliefs. It includes one’s own individual desires which help make life feel complete. Writing is entwined with my inner voice. It was when I listened to a small desire to write, when I pursued it despite setbacks and criticisms, when I found ways to include writing in all aspects of my life, that I started to feel fulfilled, at peace and whole. Maybe that’s part of what inner voice is—what is the puzzle piece that is missing which will help make you feel whole?

You might be trying to push Ed in its place to get him to plug up the hole, but Ed is not your inner voice. He is not part of your deep dreams that whisper to you and tell you who you are in this life. Ed is a chameleon and he’ll try to fit into that spot, but don’t let him fool you. He is there, on guard, ready to whack down on your true inner voice. He is working hard to keep her from being heard. He knows that when you stop and really listen to her, when you include her in your life, when you find those dreams that will help fill that hole inside, then you won’t need him. So he’s whacking and whacking and whacking even harder. Your inner voice will keep dodging. She’ll keep tossing out hints and encouragement, but you’ll have to listen. It will be hard to hear under Ed’s pounding blows. But she’s in there! She’s calling to you. Listen.

Journal about the quote that we used. What judgments do you make about yourself? About others? How do these beliefs affect your life?

What image comes to mind when you think about your inner voice? Can you interview her? Writers sometimes interview their characters to understand who they are and what they want in a story. I’ve done writing exercises in which characters have told me how they feel about their names. They share memories with me that I didn’t know they had. Yes, I know all of it is coming from my mind, my imagination. But sometimes you have to trick parts of your mind to come out and talk, especially when Ed is looming in the picture. So close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, center yourself, and then ask your inner voice, what she would like to be called. What does she hope you’ll be able to discover in life?

Journal about the missing puzzle piece inside. What is the shape of the piece? What color? What kind of picture is it a part of? Is it a corner piece or right smack in the middle?

And in the whack-a-mole game, what positive thoughts would your inner voice pop up to share? What does she want you to know and believe about yourself? If you need to, use the thoughts we discovered in group. Remind yourself that you’re wonderful, you’re beautiful, you’re unique, and you can get through this.

So go on now, go write on!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

GPS

2008-07-15T11:29:18-07:00

I just got a global positioning system (GPS) for my car. In preparation for using it on long, unknown trips, I put it to the test and had it navigate while we ran errands. Things I learned from the GPS (nick-named Gina) apply to recovery, creativity, and many other tasks in our complicated lives.

Gina sometimes gets insistent when I don’t follow her directions, but she doesn’t yell and she helps me recoup and find a new way home. Often we have to find our own way to do things. We might know something that others don’t. Gina didn’t seem to know about a new road that I was heading down. She assumed I was on the highway next to it. “U-turn,” she advised, but I didn’t. At the first traffic light, she recalculated and caught up with my position. Once again, we worked together. Others can give advice, but sometimes you know what’s best. Sometimes you have additional knowledge.

Gina has taken me on roads that I had never been on before. When my doubting family complained that surely there was a shorter way, we discovered new sights and beautiful scenic views. Sometimes, you have to go beyond your comfort zone to discover something new and exciting.

We also discovered the hilarious fun of laughing together as we all questioned and guessed at Gina’s next set of directions. Sometimes simple things can provide enjoyment, bonding, and fun.

When I take a wrong turn or discover a roadblock, Gina always has advice about how to turn things around. She’s always willing to recalculate. Sometimes we have to recalculate in life when a situation or recovery doesn’t go exactly according to plan.

There are moments when Gina loses track of her satellites. This is a tad unnerving, especially when I’m looking for a new place, with not a clear idea of where to go. I have headed in the right direction, hoping that Gina will find her connection before we get too far along. And, usually, she jumps back in before I can go too far astray. Sometimes with recovery, one needs to head in what feels like the right direction with blind faith that signposts and instructions will appear to guide you. And so I have motored along, waiting for Gina to reconnect, enjoying the scenery and the cackles of laughter coming from the back seat, and suddenly she’ll spring to life and let me know that at the next exit I need to turn right.

o Journal about your direction in life. Maybe others are telling you what you want to do, where you want your life to head, but if it doesn’t feel right for you. You have to bring your beliefs and ideas to the equation. Write about what you enjoy and about your dreams. Try to discover the direction you want your life to head. Gina can’t give me directions, if she doesn’t know where I’m going. I can’t program in my destination, if I don’t know where I want to go. Write about where you’d like to head. Repeat this exercise at different times because your goals might change.

o Be open to new opportunities and change. Yes, they are scary, but they can be fun—it depends on how you look at it. If you’re worried about something or something new is coming up, journal about your fears, but also about the good things related to the change. Excitement and fear have similar physical effects. If you’re feeling nervous, write about those fears. But in your journaling see if you can find some element of excitement lurking underneath.

o Journal some joy into your life. Is there anything that made you laugh today? A funny scene, thought, joke? Write it down. Laughter can raise your spirits and improve your physical health.

o Hitting a roadblock? Journal about that—what are your thoughts, fears, ideas? Brainstorming on paper can lead to new ways at looking at thing. Your mind, like Gina, will help you find a new road, plot a new course, send you back in the right direction.

So go and Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

EVERYDAY REJECTION

2008-06-30T16:53:37-07:00

In last week’s blog, I agonized over an e-mail from my editor, which I had taken as “critical”. My writing group tried to reassure me that all the e-mail had meant was that I was going to get an editorial letter. I didn’t need to take it as a rejection.

Yet.

Then the letter came. In it, helpful suggestions were provided, detailing how I could make the book better. While I shouldn’t over-generalize the comments—interpret that all my writing is a flop--I need to deal with the fact that the book still needs some work. Or it needs to find a different editor.

A discussion took place recently through an on-line writers group about rejection and final publication. The question was posed about writers’ experiences in sending out books, having them rejected, and then getting them published somewhere else. One woman said that she had sent her story out to 33 different editors before it was accepted. She did not make significant changes in it during this time. Even Harry Potter was turned down by a number of editors before it was purchased. I’m sure those editors probably regret it now. But they were making the best decision they could at the time. They formed their opinions and made a decision. Not every decision works out all the time. That’s the way life works. It is not perfect.

In group the other week, we discussed failure and the definition each girl uses when looking at if they have failed and if someone else has failed. They had clear double standards in this area. For them to be able to consider their actions a success, they had to achieve perfection. For someone else to be a success, they had to have tried. Look at how much harder they make it for themselves!

Perfection is not possible. Rejection and disappointments will happen. The discussion in the group turned to how Dr. Gorman and I handle disappointments. We talked about the necessity of sometimes sitting with uncomfortable emotions and then planning a strategy to move ahead. One needs to acknowledge feeling depressed or defeated, sit with that difficult feeling. But not hang onto and let it color everything. For me, I was disappointed that a book which I had been working on for years still needs work. I can either make the changes or not. I need to form my own opinion, but use the information that has been given to me. Then I need to form a plan to move ahead. I either send it to another editor as is or I make some changes. Recently the story has been mulling around in my mind and I do now have some new ideas to bring to the book. Sit with your emotion, and then brainstorm a plan to move ahead.

So…How do you deal with disappointment or rejection? Write about a time that you felt hurt, criticized, or let down. Did you over-generalize; take the comments as bigger than they were? Did you try to push away your feelings because they hurt? Are you hanging onto some of that pain? Describe what happened, how you felt and what you did. Can you brainstorm and find new ways to deal with the situation?

What is the hardest feeling for you to sit with? Anger, embarrassment, depression…? Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and think about it. Whatever emotion comes to mind, write about that? Don’t think too much—don’t let your critical mind tell you that’s not what you should write about—just write. What memories are associated with that emotion? Put down what comes to mind. Take 10 or 15 minutes or even 5, but write for the whole time. Don’t critique what you’re writing. This is not supposed to be perfect. It is supposed to be real. It’s supposed to be what’s there inside of you. If when you look back you made a slip and wrote one word for another---dead instead of dread for example. Then journal about the word that you did write. Was your mind trying to tell you something? Writing about that might lead to new thoughts or memories.

What are you feeling? Close your eyes and give your feeling a color, a sound, associate it with an animal, a season, a location, a plant…whatever you can think of. This might give you a clearer sense of what you’re feeling moment to moment. One woman found in a group how much she was struggling with depression when the color of how she was feeling kept coming out gray. But before that, it was hard for her to describe her emotions. She didn’t have a good sense of the words to use. How about you? Do you need some new ways to help you discover how you feel?

My mood was gray before when I got the letter, but now it’s a deep purplish-blue, like a summer’s night with the sun just setting. It is a vast expanse of possibility with stars shimmering to remind me that new ideas and creations are out there and often twinkle out of the darkness. My mood as a rosy hue around the edges—the creative fire. And I know that I’ll make my book as good as I can and I’ll ride the rejection roller coaster and it will be all right.

So…now it’s your turn…go…

Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

PURE DOGGIE NATURE

2008-06-19T20:16:26-07:00

This past weekend I got an e-mail from my editor about a prospective novel I had sent. The note had many nice compliments, but raised the question as to whether the material was more appropriate for a young adult book rather than a mid-grade. (I write children’s fiction and these are age-related categories.) She told me I would be getting more information about the editorial group’s thoughts but that she wanted to give me a heads up.

What part of the e-mail do you think I focused on?

No, not the part that described the book as very readable. Not the part that felt it was psychologically accurate. No, my focus was on the “criticism” that suggested it might be more appropriate for a different age group. And I say “criticism” because it was really more an observation or an opinion than anything else. However, I e-mailed my writer’s group with my sum total interpretation of her words--she was turning down the book, I was a failure as a writer, life was crap.

My writing group had the sense to point out to me that the e-mail had said nothing like that. It had basically been a heads up that an editorial letter would be coming and that she liked many things about the book. They also pointed out that my editor had read the book and responded to me rather quickly, which doesn’t always happen in the writing world.

Have you ever done that? Viewed comments as larger than they were? One opinion, one comment and you’re a failure? Do you view things as negative instead of looking at the positive or even the realistic?

How do we prosper and achieve? For writing? For recovery? For really anything in life? One way is—don’t over-read comments.

And then—don’t look for the negative. Focus on the positive.

So--

Think back about today or the last few days. Did you over-generalize a comment? Make it into a criticism? Give it more power than it deserved? Write about that. What thoughts do you have? Does it trigger a memory that might be adding fuel to your self-negativity? Is there a way that you can turn the negative thoughts around? Find a positive? Or put the whole incident into a more realistic perspective?

And can you look back on the day and capture one pleasant thought or image to hold onto. Sometimes when I journal, I try to capture 5 images from the day. Looking back at images I recorded when my kids were young, I captured positive moments. I recorded images of them playing with a sprinkler outside or playing with bubbles in the bath. The images at the end of the day that made me smile even if there had been moments of tears and tantrums throughout the day. I’m sure there had been. But I didn’t want to save and savor those images. So I wrote about the hugs and laugher. I can still smile now remembering them. What do you hang onto? Try to find a positive from the day. Or turn an annoyance into something fun. While I’ve been writing this blog, my dog has been stealing rags and paper towels. Yes, it was annoying to keep getting up to get them back. But I had to smile, too. He was so proud and he came with his tail wagging, his eyes sparkling and smiling his doggie smile. He was almost saying, “Look what I have.” What does he have? Pure doggie nature that loves life. Know what? He works everyday to get me to love life too. So I try. How about you?

Go, take these hints and….

Write on!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

BATTING AVERAGE

2008-06-06T12:45:11-07:00

Last weekend, my family and I had the great thrill of seeing Manny Ramirez’s 500^th homerun. It was, of course, great fun for us because we are Red Sox fans. In addition, as my daughter pointed out, we were seeing history in action. But that 500^th homerun got me thinking about eating disorder recovery. Why?

A homerun record happens the same way recovery does. Step by step. Hit by hit. Swing by swing. It is not an all or nothing process. It does not happen in a day. It is built gradually as each homerun adds onto the run before to mount up to an impressive record. Recovery happens that way too, an accumulation of days with decreased symptom use. A gradual accumulation of healthy coping strategies. It is finally an accumulation of days without symptom use until days add up to years.

Slips occur during recovery, but homerun records don’t require that every homerun was hit in a row. Manny’s current batting average is 0.301. What does that mean? Manny only gets a hit 30% of the time that he comes to bat. That 30% does not only count the times that he gets a homerun. It is the times that he hits the ball and gets on base. It’s the times that he doesn’t strike out or get walked or cause an out. Think about this, Manny built this great record, but he only gets a hit 30% of the time. That means that records don’t require perfection. They don’t require 100%. They require perseverance. They require working at it day after day. It means that you are willing to go back to bat even when you struck out the time before. It means that you stare the possibility of failure down so that you can achieve something wonderful. And that wonderful is not just a homerun record, but hitting the ball and getting to first, or maybe sending that ball out of the park and getting a chance to round the bases to thunderous applause.

Now think about Manny. He goes to bat and knows as he steps up to the plate that 70% of the time he is not going to get a hit. Only 30% of the time will his bat connect with the ball and get him onto base. Do you think that he has these figures in his mind as he stands at the plate? I don’t think he does. From having watched him bat, I saw him stand at that plate and face the pitcher down each and every time. He swung with enough force to potentially turn every ball hit into a homerun. But some of those powerful swings missed completely. And some of them popped the ball up so that it was an out instead of out of the park.

What if Manny approached his hits the way some individuals approach recovery? “Well, I struck out once so I might as well give up on this game.” Or “I got an out so I’m no good at anything.” If that had happened then we wouldn’t have seen his 500^th homerun in that game. Manny’s first time at bat did not yield a homerun nor did his second time. Actually both of those hits led to outs. But each time he came to bat, he approached it as a new chance. “This time could be the homerun record.”

So…

How are you approaching recovery? Each day, do you face it as another potential chance? Each meal? Or once you’ve had a slip do you figure that you’ve failed once so just give up? What negative thoughts are you carrying around each day? Can you let the self-doubt go? Face each moment like Manny at bat? This might get me that much closer to my record. Each small victory can add up to something bigger.

Journal now to look at the thoughts that you carry with you each and every day. Now work to change the negative. Find positive thoughts that you can use to replace them. How about instead of thinking, “I slipped up once, I’m worthless.” You think instead, “Manny got out twice and then hit his 500^th homerun. I got out this time, but next time, I can do it. I can face down ED.”

Each small victory can add up to a record. Each time you’re at bat is a whole new experience. One out does not determine whether you hit a homerun the next time. Unless you let it. You are in control of what thoughts you allow to fill your mind. If negative ones keep ending up there, find some positive ones to replace them. Even if you have to journal again and again and again.

Get out there and write on!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

DOCTOR MODE

2008-05-29T11:46:37-07:00

I was recently at the doctor’s office with my parents looking at CT Scans that had been performed on my dad. There were two questionable masses that I was discussing with his physician and we were considering the best plan of action. It felt a little like a time warp, I was standing next to two medical students who were also intent on the scans. It had been a number of years, more than I like to count, but in some ways not so many at all since I had been wearing a similar white coat during my medical school training. As the doctor reviewed with me percentages and diagnoses, I helped translate the facts and figures to my parents, all with a calm, collected manner that was similar to when I had been a medical student looking at x-rays from a patient. But this time, the patient was my dad.

Doctor mode is sometimes necessary. It is a way to stay intellectually attentive so you can handle the situation at hand. Looking at the scans, I needed to focus on what we were facing, not on my fears. I was in a similar doctor mode this morning when my dog escaped his fence. My focus was on finding him; I couldn’t get distracted by my fear of what could happen. My husband has had to be in doctor mode many times with our kids when he assessed their illnesses and scrapes. He was in doctor mode when he had to resuscitate our son after his birth.

But once the time for doctor mode is over, then you need to feel and deal with the underlying emotions. After looking at the scans and discussing the plans, I needed to reflect at home on fears for my father’s health and his mortality. Happily, I found the dog, but I did need to collapse to the couch after the hunt was complete and deal with the anxiety and apprehension that had been humming under the surface as I tromped through the woods. After our kids have been treated for their bumps and bruises—stitches and casts placed, my husband has had to drop into dad mode and grieve for their pain. He was shaken to his core after my son’s recovery and admission to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. You wouldn’t have known it in doctor mode, but his emotions were palpable in dad mode.

Why is this important to consider? Many times individuals with eating disorders detach themselves from their emotions. They are very skillful at functioning at the tasks of life, but are not often in touch with their underlying emotions. They are operating in “doctor mode” all the time. But just because emotions are pushed away, doesn’t mean they disappear. They bubble under the surface and can cause other challenges if they are not addressed.

Emotions are hard. Sometimes doctor mode is easier, but both modes are necessary. Doctor mode to get things done and then debrief mode to deal with your emotions afterwards.

Do you think that you might be functioning in one mode and neglecting the other? Writing is an effective way to deal with the debrief mode. It can be a way to try and understand the worries, fears and feelings related to a difficult situation.

So—can you think about a time that you were operating in “doctor mode”? That would be action mode or the-don’t-deal-with-my-feelings-right-now-because-I-need-to-get-things-done mode. After that time was over, did you ever deal with your feelings? Did you ever have debrief mode?

Why not write about that time—you can start off with I remember getting through…. (and describe the situation) but what I was really feeling at that time was….. (describe any feelings that come up related to that event).

These may be difficult feelings to experience and describe, but there are in there lurking even if you don’t deal with them. Do the feelings from this time connect with other events, other fears, other disappointments?

If it helps you can make two columns and put action mode on one side and feeling mode on the other so that you can see if you are just describing the event through what you did and not what you felt.

Or write the description of the event as a paragraph and then take two different color highlighters. Color any descriptions of action with one color and any feeling descriptions in another color. Is your paper turning more one color than the other? If so go back and add either a description of the event or your feelings around it. Studies show that writing helps when you effectively tell a story, describing not just what happened but how you felt.

It doesn’t have to be just one event.

We can have many moments of “doctor mode” but after each time we need a period of “debrief mode”.

So take some time now—go debrief.

And Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

INNER CORE

2008-05-19T15:37:18-07:00

This week in our journaling group, we worked with the adaptation of a German folktale about “Bundles”. This adaptation by Allison Cox is on the http://www.healingstory.org website. In this story a woman is trying to figure out how to deal with all of her troubles. She is told to seek assistance from that part of herself that is connected with all things. Through the story, she learns that the bundle of troubles that she is carrying is precisely the level of “troubles” that she can deal with and that her experiences and talents, both current and yet to come, will provide everything she needs to deal with her troubles.

How empowering--this belief that we are not given more in our life than we can handle, especially if we rely on the parts of ourselves that are connected with all things to help us find the solution. We can tap into the imagination and creative force of the universe to deal with all our challenges. Jung spoke before about a “universal unconscious”. As a writer I believe in the breadth of the creative force. Whether we think of it as a visit from a muse or from the collective unconscious--when you open yourself to the Universe’s creative potential, new ideas can spring more willingly into your mind.

We use metaphors to try and describe ideas and issues—a gray bundle of troubles; a silver and gold bundle of experiences. Some individuals, however, find it difficult to accept these images. They try to analyze or explain everything. Sometimes the creative force just wants to be—it doesn’t want to be understood. Just accepted for what it is.

Last night my daughter and I were reading from Goose Girl by Shannon Hale. I had a bookmark stuck in a previous section and so we looked back at a quote that I was saving. The main character talks about what her core would be if every other part of her was melted away. I asked my daughter, “What would your core be?” And I tried to answer the question in my own mind because I knew it would get turned back on me. My answer was “love.”

My daughter told me that she wasn’t sure she understood the question. And sometimes that’s the point, you don’t need to completely understand, just be open to the images, the answers, and the creative flow. I asked her to not think too much, but just tell me the first thought or image that came to her mind when she focused on what her “core” was. She replied, “A fierce tiger.”

Now there’s an image.

“That’s your core,” I told her. “When you’re struggling with things, just know that inside you is a fierce tiger, ready to battle on.”

So….

What image do you have of your core? If everything else was melted away, what would be left? This does not have to make sense! It might mean more if it doesn’t. Just close your eyes, sit with the question and don’t dismiss an answer because it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes life doesn’t make sense.

Then visit Allison’s story if you’d like to read it all and think about your bundles of troubles, but also think about the experiences and talents that the universe has available to help you get through them. If you don’t have the experiences now, what do you need in order to get through your challenges? If the image in your mind is a “fierce tiger” that doesn’t mean you need to visit a zoo. What do you need to nurture your fighting spirit? What do you need to help get your voice heard—make you able to roar? What do you need to sharpen your claws so that you can fight ED? Don’t expect “perfect” answers—take the images that are given to you and write about those. It doesn’t have to make sense to start with. You might learn more about what you’re struggling with or what you need as you free write. Often writers have to write many drafts just to learn what their characters are trying to tell them. You might need to write a lot of pages to discover what you inner core thinks or feels.

So what are you waiting for?

Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

ALL POWERFUL

2008-05-12T15:23:23-07:00

This past Saturday, I returned from a writing conference. When I arrived at the airport, I tried calling my family but got no answer. I figured they were out having fun. When I drove up to my house, I was surprised to find all the lights off. Then I noticed some garage doors were open, my husband’s car was in the garage, and my garage door wouldn’t open.

Yes, the electricity was out.

Luckily, I had a flashlight easily accessible in my luggage—the conference was in the New Mexico desert. (This, of course, was the flashlight my family had been looking for just a few hours earlier.) I grabbed the light, turned it on, stepped towards the darkened garage and—as if by magic—the lights came on.

This led me to two areas of thought.

First was the sense of how I brightened my family’s life by coming home.

The physical display of the lights turning back on as I stepped towards the house illuminated this fact. People can often downplay the impact they have on others. Individuals with eating disorders can, with their perfectionist tendencies, believe that they always disappoint others, or that they are not good enough. Critical of themselves, they often underestimate their role in families and in friendships. This can also be true for individuals who struggle with depression. But often the presence of just being there is enough. Witness the exhilarated barking the dogs brought to my homecoming. They were happy just because I was home. I didn’t need to do anything special, be anything special, just being me and being there was good enough.

Second was the serendipity of the lights turning on as I walked towards the house. Part of me wanted to interpret this as the power of my homecoming. I arrive and—poof!—the lights come back on. Silly, right? But how many times do you take the blame for something that is larger than you? Apologize because someone had a bad day. Feel guilty because of situations outside your control. Criticize yourself because when someone is brusque in a store—it must be your fault. You must have made them cranky. Any of that sound familiar? People often take the blame for things over which they have no control. That would be like my taking credit for the lights coming on as I stepped into my house. Tempting. The thought of being all-powerful is seductive, but not realistic. And just as I couldn’t take credit for the lights turning back on, I shouldn’t take the blame for everyone’s moods, expectations or disappointments. Make sense?

So writing assignment time…

1) Work on a gratitude journal. Sometimes people lose sight of things in their life that they are grateful for or positive influences that they have. Identifying these elements can help you see a broader and warmer aspect of your life. Are you grateful because the sun is out and you were able to smell blossoms on your way to work? Or if it was raining, rather than focusing on the gray clouds, are you grateful because gardens are being watered? Can you identify any ways that you know others noticed you and appreciated you? Did your dog jump up when you came home? Did a friend send an e-mail or exchange a phone call? Looking back on today, can you find something, even if it is little, that you feel grateful for?

2) Is there a time that you took the blame for something that you couldn’t control? Or that was the result of someone else’s action? If I can’t take credit for the lights coming back on, I also shouldn’t take the blame because the dogs regressed while I was gone and were challenging to care for. I don’t control the dogs’ behavior. I can sympathize with the difficulties that my family faced, but I can’t rack myself with guilt. Are you racking yourself with guilt? Write about the situation--how much control did you really have?

Remember, we are not all-powerful.

So things you can’t control and ones that you are grateful for. That’s what we’re hoping to find—some balance in our lives.

So go…

Write on!

~Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

Continuous Past

2008-05-02T07:03:06-07:00

When I’ve spoken about writing and depression before, I’ve had people say, “Yeah, I get depressed when I have to write.” That seems to be a leftover effect from diagramming sentences in high school English. People hear ‘writing’ and break out in a cold sweat.

The kind of writing that I’ve lectured on, practiced on my own, and used in groups and individual therapy is anything but drudgery. It is not stiff, stilted, follow the rules kind of writing. It is not having at least three lines in every paragraph kind of writing. It is not getting rid of sentence fragments kind of writing. Sometimes fragments rule! Like fragments of dreams. Fragments of memories. Fragments of fantasy. Or is that flights of fantasy? Fly me to the moon kind of writing is what we’re talking about. This is stream of consciousness, discover what I think, plumb my emotions kind of writing.

So how do we get started? Get a journal you love and a pen you like to use. You can use the computer if you want; although some studies suggest that longhand writing can help individuals deal more effectively with emotional material than typing. As a writer, I’m not certain about this. I have certainly plunged into a zone and dealt with emotional topics while typing away at my keyboard.

What will this blog offer? Writing prompts and exercises to use for your own emotional exploration and to use with patients. In the intensive day programs in the Eating Disorders Clinic at Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center, I run a weekly journaling group with our patients. We’ll check in on some of those prompts, touch on inspiration, and try to loosen some creative energy.

For the first prompt, discover your thoughts about writing. This can help you discover any hidden bias or fear that you might have as you start putting pen to paper. Or you can help your patients get loosened up with this prompt as they start to explore their thoughts.

What does writing mean to you? What memories do you have about writing? Did you have a pen-pal? Send postcards from vacation or fantasize about great adventures when you received postcards from someone else?

Pick a quiet place and set a certain amount of time aside so that you can drop into your thoughts—even if it is just five minutes. Try to turn off the inner critic or encourage your patients to ignore the voice that tells them that everything has to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be. There is even an imperfect tense in English or rather called the continuous past. As therapists we know that the past is continuous and affects the future! But I did promise that we wouldn’t get into grammatical rules so…..

Go Write On!

Martha

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.