Our family is headed to Austria tomorrow where the Academy of Eating Disorders is holding its international meeting. This weekend was supposed to be one of completing loose ends, trying to organize and pack, inspiring my son to study for his finals, and participating in the Children’s Miracle Network Telethon. It is always inspiring to be part of CMN; the organization does so much to help kids and their families. It is gratifying to see our kids studying hard and learning at school. The trip itself is exciting—looming up with the promise of adventure.
But, as with most everything in life, things don’t always flow smoothly. New tasks kept popping up over the weekend that required immediate attention—meetings that had to be held, phones that had to be activated, handouts that needed to be printed. Tonight and tomorrow will be a blur. And while the trip will be will exciting and exhilarating, I’m sure that it will be chaotic and confusing, at times.
Many individuals who come to our program want to be able to control all aspects of life. The challenge? Life cannot be controlled. Even with simple plans—something goes awry. James Taylor said in one of his songs, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” Has that been happening to you? Do you find yourself working so hard to control everything about your emotions, your body, and your life that it is gets even more out of control?
What we have to do is learn not how to control life’s chaos, but learn how to ride the rapids that loom in front of us. When white-water rafting, one cannot control the waterfalls, swirls, rocks, but one can try to steer past them and brace for impact when a collision can’t be avoided. In rafting individuals learn how to steer the boat, but also how to anchor themselves inside so if the rush of water is stronger than expected, you still sail through, maybe a little shaken up, maybe with your heart pounding, but safe none the less.
So, let’s consider life’s chaos:
· Journal about what things you expect to be able to control in your life—make a list. Now look back at them. How many can you actually control? What factors might intervene in your efforts to exercise that control? Often we are able to control even less than we believe we can. We have to learn to roll with disturbances.
· Journal—list—ways that you help yourself cope with the variability and uncertainty of life. Can you use humor? Deep breathing? Scale back your expectations? Ask for help?
· What does “control” mean to you? What about the idea of “being out of control”? What does “chaos” convey to you? What about "order”? Journal about each of those words and see what your expectations are. Do they connect to or trigger memories? Is part of your past influencing your expectations of now?
· Journal some inspirations that will help you get through. "This too will pass.” “Tomorrow is another day.” “Keep on going, one step at a time.”
Accept that life is—well—sometimes--chaotic!
I’ll try to be in touch from the road—but Write On!
Martha Peaslee Levine, MD
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