The other day, I gave a lecture about body image and pregnancy. I diligently prepared for the talk. I read numerous articles and condensed the findings into, hopefully, clear educational points. I found images to provide visual appeal and even included a fun video from a nursing lingerie company to engage the audience’s interest. I included quotes from a blog that concisely and entertainingly summed up challenges women in our society face as they go through pregnancy and postpartum. I provided guidance on ways to approach body image and assess difficulties as professionals work with this segment of the population.
Of course, after I was done, I thought about other ways that I could have improved my talk. I should have included more specific examples. I should have talked slower. I should…
We all have “I should haves” as we proceed through our activities and lives. I later talked with my husband about the lecture. I told him what I wish I had done differently. He offered this advice: The lecture was done. I probably did better than I was giving myself credit for. But either way, it was over. I needed to take my ideas and revamp the talk for the next time around.
And he was right. The talk included a lot of good information and was probably fine. Could it have been better? Maybe. Can I make it better next time? I can try. Should I beat myself up about it? No way.
How does this relate to recovery? Well, do you ever have “I should have” days? I should have known that would be a trigger. I should have followed my meal plan better. I should have…
And so I offer the same advice. This particular moment is past. Take your energy, ideas and enthusiasm to revamp your recovery the next time around. There is no way to go back to the moment that has past. In the present, you can continue to criticize yourself or you can restart your recovery. Better to take a step forward than keep focusing on any slips in the past.
· Are you dwelling about a recovery slip or something that didn’t go as well as you wanted? Journal about it to see what might have triggered the slip. Journal about what you could have done to make things function better. But don’t berate yourself—just plan to approach things differently the next time around.
· If you hear yourself talking about should have—journal instead about what you can do. “Should haves” are looking back—there is no changing things in the past. “Can do” is looking towards the future. Put a positive spin on your energy.
· Accept that perfection is not possible. We are always growing and learning new things that will help us perform tasks and recovery more smoothly in the future. But none of us are perfect and that’s okay. In groups I’ve formed an “I’m not perfect and that’s okay” Club. Imperfection is a concept that we not only have to accept intellectually, but also emotionally. We will make mistakes, but that’s okay. What we need to do is try to learn from those mistakes and grow in the future. Journal your thoughts about perfection and how to release yourself from that unattainable goal.
Write On!
Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.
For more information on eating disorders, specifically in relation to blogging, Eating Recovery Center, a behavioral hospital focused on comprehensive treatment and sustainable recovery for eating disorders based in Denver, has developed this Blogger’s Guide to Eating Disorders (http://www.docstoc.com/docs/19664129/Bloggers-Guide-to-Eating-Disorders). This guide offers information and resources to support your stories about America’s deadliest mental illness.
Crystal (Eating Recovery Center)
Posted by: Crystal (Eating Recovery Center) | January 05, 2010 at 10:52 AM