Many of my blogs have been inspired by my son. He has often voiced the hope that I could get inspired by someone else. So now it’s my daughter’s turn.
This fall has been a hard year for my daughter’s right leg. When she started field hockey, she suffered a bone bruise and was in a brace for a number of weeks. Right after she got out of the brace, she fell twice and banged her knee. Once again she was limping around.
At first we thought it was probably a bruise and that it would recover quickly. We used some ice and a wait and see attitude. A week later when she was still in pain and limping, our family started to evaluate the level of stress that she was under. Was stress from school taking a physical form?
We wrote a note to keep her out of gym while she recovered, although at the time we wondered why she was still in pain. Her gym teacher may have wondered too. She seemed to think that with a little encouragement, our daughter could participate and that once she was distracted, she would feel better. Many afternoons, my daughter came home frustrated because she has been told that her “team really needed her”. Encouragement had been offered that her team was in last place and didn’t she think she could help them out? My daughter was upset because she didn’t believe anyone understood the level of her discomfort.
After a trip to the orthopedist to evaluate the injury, my daughter was placed in a knee brace. Limping into school in the huge, white brace, suddenly there were no more questions about her ability to participate in gym.
This led me to reflect on illnesses especially when they are emotional without any physical evidence. Eating Disorders can fall into this category. Individuals may not show outward symptoms of their disorders, but can still be suffering significantly inside. When this is true, does it often happen that the pain and injury are not acknowledged because it is inner not outer hurt? Do people get cajoled and pushed into activities they aren’t ready for because caring individuals don’t see or understand the extent of the injuries?
So—
· Are there times that people have downplayed your inner hurt? What was going on? How did it make you feel? Write about the situations and your feelings and thoughts. Don’t numb the feelings, put them to paper. Maybe then you’ll be able to close the book on them.
· How did you respond if your inner hurt wasn’t acknowledged? Did you voice your feelings or bury them inside and add to your inner pain? Maybe use this additional hurt to fuel your eating disorder symptoms? Journal to understand how to best express your feelings so that you can use your voice instead of swallowing the pain.
Go, Write On!
Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.
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