Your Write to Health

“Who Dat?”

 

The New Orleans Saints are now the Superbowl Champions. At risk of offending Colts’ fans, I must blog on last night’s victory. I was cheering for the Saints—my husband and I met in med school in New Orleans. As our kids say, they wouldn’t be here without New Orleans. So, yes, our family was all, “Go Saints!” But how does this relate to recovery?

First, the Saints were considered the underdogs. I think this is important to remember. Your eating disorder voice can become so strong that it may feel like you’re the underdog in the battle. But remember that even underdogs can overcome!

Second, consider some aspects of the game. When the Saints in the second quarter got to the goal line and tried to go for it on fourth down instead of taking the field goal, our whole family groaned. We worried that they would have the “wind knocked out of their sails” as my husband said. But they came back, got a field goal on their own terms and from that point on the game was history. Even when you have faced a setback, still you can persevere and succeed.

Third, starting the third quarter, the Saints used on onside kick and got the ball back. This was an unprecedented play. It shows that sometimes it’s important to take a chance. Sometimes out of the box thinking is that best route to take. This was a play that had not been done in the history of the game (at least during the third quarter). It was an innovative play that led to success—i.e. points being scored.

Fourth, Coach Payton challenged the 2 point conversion ruling. One does not always have to accept authorities’ views and decisions. There are ways to challenge beliefs especially when done in a respectful and appropriate venue. We need to stand up for our own beliefs. When we take that action, positive results can follow.

Fifth, once the Saints got that positive energy flowing, they were on fire. Good progress can lead to more good progress. Once you’ve made one good play, you can feel so invincible that you’ll make other good plays. Think about how that relates to recovery and mindset.

So…

·         Journal and look for examples of inspiration in all areas of your life. If you read about someone overcoming an obstacle and achieving their goal—journal about it or just write it down. Start an inspiration part of your journal where you can keep these stories to help empower you. Stories that can help turn you from the “underdog” to “superdog”.

·         Journal ways to keep going even when you’ve faced an obstacle and been knocked back. Having coping ideas ready can help you keep going.

·         Journal innovative ways to deal with challenges. If a certain time of day is causing you problems, can you come up with some ideas even if you’ve never tried them before? (Maybe consider they might work because you haven’t tried them before.) There’s a quote that says “if you keep doing things the way you been doing them, then you’ll keep getting the same results.” Do you want to change the results? Then bring some innovation to your challenges and triggers. Find some support; brainstorm what helps you at other times and how to find some of that help now.

·         Are you accepting other’s opinions? Are they helpful or damaging? If someone is telling you things that are not helpful, challenge those beliefs. Some women I know were told by their parents that they didn’t need to go to college; they went anyway and became successful professionals. Don’t let others limit your options. Is society telling you an opinion about how you should look and act? If those expectations aren’t helpful, challenge them! Rosa Parks made history by refusing to give up her seat on a bus. She saw that what society believed about her place and role wasn’t right and fair. She worked to make a change. Challenge limitations that are put in your way.

·         Are negative thoughts feeding more negative thoughts? If so then journal to get some positive energy going. Challenge your negative beliefs. Find good things to write about yourself. You might not believe those thoughts now, but give it time. Books suggest that what we write about or focus on is what we can achieve. So write about your goal of recovery. Write about your future and where you want to be. Is it really still with your eating disorder? Write your goals and dreams and then you can start finding ways to make them come true.

Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

FINDING A MIRACLE

 “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change,” Buddha. This week in my journaling group I used that quote as a starting point.

The responses were as varied as the women participating in group. That always amazes me. Even if we start with the same sentence, we end up in different places.

I love how writing allows us to discover our own unique voices.

One woman wrote about how just as a flower has many parts, there are many parts to life.  And just as a flower changes as it grows from a seed, so has her life changed. She has gone from feeling helpless to finding hope.

I love the Buddha quote because it makes me stop and reflect on simple things in life. It slows me down so that I can notice a beautiful sunset or a flower springing up in the crack of a sidewalk. When I slow down, I smile as my dog snores and pause to listen to the birds sing.

Maybe I needed a miracle this week because another doctor in the hospital passed away. I know that my husband and I felt shaken to the core because he was younger than us and had just reached a pinnacle of his success. As my husband said, “Suddenly all those day to day annoyances just don’t seem to be important anymore.” The annoyances shouldn’t feel important, but the miracles around us should.

Seem confusing? Why should that flower be so important and the pricking of a thistle forgotten? For me, it is where I want to put my energy and focus. Do I want to celebrate beauty and simple pleasures? Or do I want to hold onto grudges and irritations? Do I want to appreciate myself and discover my talents and interests or do I want to berate myself and remind myself how I will never measure up to perfection? Intellectually, we can probably agree on the answer. Emotionally, I know that it is hard at times to believe in the miracle that each one of us offers to this world. Yet, that appreciation of your innate value can blossom if you let it.

An eating disorder can set up a negative loop of thoughts in peoples’ minds. It is one way that the illness maintains control. By looking for a daily miracle or focusing on a positive thought, a new loop can be set up. This loop of thoughts can encourage you rather than scold you. It can inspire you rather than inhibit you. Just as for my patient, this new pattern of thoughts can offer hope, rather than make you feel helpless. The question is whether you can slow down, look around, and find those tiny miracles.

So….

·         Journal about a miracle in your life. If I had to find some miracles today, they might be that I was able to get up an hour later to go to class. I’m able to write at home this afternoon with a dog tucked in by my feet. My other dog has been barking less now that we have started dog training. My daughter loves having her braces off. My new project at work is about to be launched, after a year of planning. And I’m here—that is a miracle. I am here, living my life, able to write, hoping to inspire others and taking some deep breathes when irritations come. Peace in, and annoyance out. I'm here writing about a bird's nest outside my window. If I were to write about that nest, I would think about the way twigs were woven together to make a safe haven. How sometimes bits of yarn can be included in those nests—I remember a story from when I was young about a dog’s sweater that got turned into a bird’s nest. I would think about my daughter finger weaving and the soft knit of the scarf that she’s made for me and the tapestries in castles in England that tell stories of long ago days. Weaving together one image can take you to others and along the way, you may find a flicker of emotion. For me, a brief bubble of sadness as I remembered the abandoned stone castles that felt huge and cold and slightly unwelcoming with the blocks of heavy stone. But I’m sure before, they felt welcoming with their huge roaring fires and merriment and singing; they offered a place to come in from the cold. All that journaling reminds me that I need to keep some softness and merriment in my life. I need to cultivate the miracle of friendship. That’s where this prompt took me. Where will it take you? Journal about miracles you have. Look for small things in your life that you can appreciate.

·         Journal also about miracles that you might like to create. I want to create the miracle of fiction. Yet I don’t seem to schedule in enough time. I find myself doing other things. So now that I realize the importance of this, because fiction has offered me friendships and developed my own creativity, I will make sure to carve out time to practice the miracle of putting word after word and falling into the space of the story. I’ll let you know how that miracle works for me. Feel free to share your miracles, too.

Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

NEWBERY AWARD

My friend, Rebecca Stead, just won the Newbery Award for her fabulous book, When You Reach Me. I was at a poetry retreat the beginning of this month with Rebecca. Many great writers were there. We were all trying to hone our craft and reconnect in a business that can be very isolating.

How does this relate to recovery? Many principles that Rebecca had to follow apply to recovery and to, really, any challenging task that we take on. To write a book—Rebecca had to sit and put word after word, page after page. As I writer, I know the challenge. There are days when the words don’t feel like they’ll come. Days when words have come, but you look at them a few days later and realize they weren’t the right words. So what does a writer do? Starts a new draft and tries again. So it is with recovery. Stay with the present moment, put moment after moment of being symptom free. Those moments will turn into minutes, then days, then weeks, and so on. If a slip happens, start a new draft—try again.

Once a draft of a book is completed, it takes revision. It takes staying with a project, bringing in new tools, and new ways of looking at the manuscript to make it better and better. So it is with recovery. In the beginning, it may be breaking the cycle of symptom use. But then one needs to bring in tools to start crafting life without the eating disorder. Life cannot just be what you’re not doing. It has to also be what you are doing. Look at making recovery more than not using symptoms. What do you want to include in your life? What are you passionate about? What do you love?

Writing includes a team and support. For most books—critique groups and editors have been involved in the process—making the story better and better. Recovery does not have to happen alone. Use a team of experts. Let them act like the book’s editor who brings experience and wisdom to the process. The treatment team can help provide guidance and tools for your recovery. Friends can add support during a lonely time. But writers need to be smart about their critique group. Each of us needs a group of fellow writers who believe in us and really want to help make our stories better. Some writers can be jealous and actually sabotage another’s creative project. It is important to find supports that help you grow as a writer and grow in recovery. If you realize someone is making you doubt yourself or feel badly about yourself, then he/she is not someone that you should turn to or rely on.

Writing is a process that requires determination and patience. It does not happen overnight. Neither will recovery. But the Newbery for Rebecca was well worth the effort! Even without such a prestigious award, I can say that part of the pleasure of writing is actually the challenge itself. It is knowing at the end of a draft that as a writer I stuck with the project word after word. Page after page. So it can be with recovery. Moment by moment. Day by day.

So….

·         Journal inspirations to yourself to help you stick with it. It helps to know that others have been down this road. When I get discouraged, I will remind myself about Rebecca’s fabulous book, not to compete, but to remember what is possible. Look to others in recovery. Jenni Schaefer is one great role model. Her writings can help inspire you. Create a journal to craft your own reflections about recovery, life, and your own self-discovery.

·         Can you journal or find characters in the fiction that you love? In Rebecca’s story, Miranda brings great strength and determination to her journey. She puzzles through questions and puts clues together. You may need to journal to puzzle through pieces of your story or recovery where you are feeling confused. Start with the line—I don’t understand…. Journal so that you can discover understanding. Stuck—try again, start again with What I don’t understand….

·         Create your own character in recovery and follow her travels in your journal. The character that I see is a young warrior, ready to battle monsters. She heads off to defend her honor, with her dog frolicking at her side. I see her as brave—which means willing to tackle challenges even when she feels scared. I see her finding help when she gets to a mountainside village whose crops have been burned by a fire-breathing dragon. She does not need to slay the dragon, but instead can back it into a cave and trigger an avalanche so that it is locked inside. It may still be there, but it will be unable to harm others or her. Locked away in that cave, it will eventually wither away. In the meantime, my heroine will be living her life and finding new adventures!

Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

RIGHT OR LEFT BRAIN?

Last night my daughter practiced her oral science fair report. (I was audience and timekeeper.)Her project this year looked at right versus left brain dominance in individuals. She wondered if there was a difference between boys and girls as related to right and left brain dominance.

What I found most interesting during this year as I read her literature review, took the written tests myself, looked at my family’s results, and listened to her report was the differences between how right and left brain individuals approach situations. Right brain individuals tend to see the bigger picture. They often have a larger and, perhaps, more creative approach to a challenge. Left brain individuals work well in organizing and completing the details. Practically speaking most challenges would benefit from having both types of individuals involved with the solution. Having right brain individuals involved could yield brainstorming to devise unique solutions; but then left brain individuals can help ensure that all details are ironed out to complete the desired solution.

Yet, there might be challenges in families if most individuals (i.e. parents) function from a left brain mindset and the child functions from a right brain point of view. Is it possible that some parents wouldn’t understand why their child organized using piles instead of putting things away? On the other hand, couldn’t there be an issue if the child needs to know all the planned details in order to feel comfortable and has to deal with right brain parents who say, “Don’t worry about it. It’ll work out.” Sense some of the potential challenge?

When most of my family (and particularly my parents) tested left brain and I was very right brain, I could suddenly understand some of the differences in how we approached tasks. It became clearer why we had diverged in our approaches to certain situations. But with that awareness, also came a lesson. I discovered how to maximize these differences. My mother and I recently took a trip together to Los Angeles. We had a great time. Much of the success came because I let her handle the details. She had maps printed out, directions to museums and information about the museums’ schedules. In my right brain approach, I helped considered what would be fun to do; she made it happen.

Being aware of your strengths and limitations can help you design solutions and help you succeed. It will also help you to identify aspects of the challenge where you may need more assistance. In our Clinic, I’ve worked with our administrative team to have most of our forms put on a shared website. This makes it easy for everyone, but it helps me in particular because I don’t have to organize all my papers. I can just click on a form and it’s right there.  Helps this right brain person stay organized!

Why do I bring this up?  You many need to bring the awareness of your approach to challenges as you work to plan your recovery.

So…

·         Consider how you approach situations in your family. Do your views or ways of considering issues differ from other family members’ approaches? Journal about a recent family event, decision, etc. Did it go smoothly? Were there areas of disagreement or strife? Did any of it seem related to how people approached the situation? Did any arguments take place because you and others approached the situation differently or had different expectations from the day? Any of these differences—whether we operate right brain vs. left; whether we expect recovery to go smoothly or accept that it will have occasional bumps; whether we like everything planned out or prefer some things to be spontaneous, and so on…all of this will affect approaches and family interactions.

·         Consider looking up a right vs. left hemisphere test on the Internet. You and your significant others could answer the questions and see if there are differences between the way you view and approach situations. At a recent conference that I went to, part of discussions included our ideal work environment. The aspects that individuals rated most important were often determined by their personality type, their approach to life, and their right or left brain dominance.

·         Knowing how you approach situations, can you use your strengths to maximize your recovery? Can you look at the “Big Picture” and find areas of triggers? Can you work on details in your plan to ensure that all the tools you need for your recovery are being put in place. You may need a team to help with this, but you can also journal to try to understand any areas where you may need more assistance. If there is a certain time of the day that you struggle, can you brainstorm or work with your team to develop additional tools to help? If you’re bogged down in the details, is there someone that you can brainstorm with to look at the big picture of your recovery? Someone that can help make certain you are including tools to help with all areas--self-care, work and leisure.

·         If there was a conversation or a situation that felt rocky with your family or significant other, would they be willing to journal their view of what happened? Can you compare views to see if maybe you’re approaching situations differently? Maybe you’ll discover that certain situations affect you differently? One may be anxious if things are not planned out completely. The other person might feel hemmed in with too much planning. Won’t that understanding help when you develop future plans?

 

Happy journaling and go Write On!

 

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

               

NEW YEAR

We’re day four of the New Year and already my resolutions are going by the wayside. I was supposed to be up early this morning so I could work to declutter a corner of the house, spend an hour writing, maybe walk the dogs…etc. Can anyone guess what happened? I had a hard time leaving my warm bed. I had a harder time thinking about going out in the gusting wind. I’m writing now, but I still need to carve out time to do my fiction work.

So what should I determine from this? Should I see this as a complete and utter failure and then expand it even more to determine that I am a failure? I think you know the answer. NO! But would you give the same answer to yourself?

Recently someone in my writing community forwarded a link to a blog discussing how to get back into the habit of writing. In the discussion was the sense that it takes 32 days of doing something to make it a habit. If you have been doing the opposite for more than 32 days that is your currently ingrained habit. It is harder to break a habit and replace it with a new one. But it is not impossible.

However it is important to remember during this time. If you or I or anyone has slips in this new routine, we shouldn’t see it as more than that. It is a slip—a blip in the development of a new habit. It is not a total failure. And those blips don’t make any of us total failures.

So—

• What new resolutions are you making for yourself? Hint—it should relate to recovery from your eating disorder or discovering your inner voice. This is not a time to try setting more perfectionistic expectations! Journal about where you would like your life to head. Focus on inner goals and dreams. What do you love? What puts a smile on your face and makes you feel alive? Realize that it might be something that is not always easy—but that overall gives you a sense of your real self. For me, it is writing, which is often hard, but many other times invigorating.
• Journal about any over-arching views you develop about yourself when you don’t completely follow through. Do you see it as more than just a blip? You need to look at the thoughts your inner critic tells you and challenge them. Would you say those things to your best friend? Would you believe them? If not, then why should you say that about yourself?
• Journal an inspiration or affirmation and remind yourself of it each and every morning so that it can help fuel you on. I saw an “affirmation” quilt this weekend that had all sorts of inspirational messages. One of my favorites, which I need to keep remembering, is that “Well-behaved women rarely make history”. So if I want to change my life and change the world—I may need to ruffle a few feathers. That doesn’t mean I’m going out of my way to ruffle feathers, but I will pursue what I think is important even if it sometimes upsets someone. I see that quote as empowering. That’s what I need right now to invigorate my life and get me typing. What quote do you need? Find what motivates you and remind yourself of it every day. Make sure it speaks to your inner voice—the real you. Don’t let your eating disorder pick the quote. That ED is the habit that you need to break. Recovery is the habit that you need to encourage.

 Work on that and Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

THANKSGIVING

 

Thanksgiving has come and gone. We’re now officially into the holiday season. This is the time of year when pleasant memories can be created. It is also the time of year that nightmares can be born. Some of the challenge is our expectations.

Around this time of year, holiday specials show families gathering together in calm and beautiful harmony. As with much of the media, these well-crafted images are fabrications. Life is not as simple as a two hour movie of the week portrays. Yet much of life’s beauty and mystery lies in that complexity.

This complicatedness may feel like a challenge, especially if you like to keep things in control. Life does not control well. People make jokes that sometimes don’t feel funny. “Helpful” comments feel critical rather caring. And stray occurrences like traffic accidents, losing power and septic systems backing up can happen without warning.

So what is important to keep in mind this time of year? Deep breaths, patience, and flexibility.

So…

·         Journal about your expectations. It can be important to know what holiday story line you’re holding in your mind. Those expectations are there whether you acknowledge them or not. It’s better to understand your vision for this time of year. Then if things don’t going as expected you’ll understand your feelings. Or you may identify hopes that you’re harboring that will never come true. For example, if your family doesn’t like to sing together, don’t expect bonding around the piano singing carols. Discovering your expectations and hopes allows you to match them up with more realistic happenings.

·         Journal your concerns about the holidays so that you can craft coping strategies to pair with them.

·         Journal ideas for the holidays. Just because your family hasn’t sung carols before—maybe they will be willing to try it this year. Consider this as a possibility not a requirement. If it happens and it’s fun, great. If no one wants to do it, there are other ways to share joy in the season. Consider sending cards to connect with others. Or write yourself notes of encouragement and mail yourself a card. In the midst of the confusion, you can receive an inspiring note reminding yourself to breathe.

·         Create a gratitude journal. Capture images that you are thankful for. Today when I left work, there was a beautiful sunset and a huge full shimmering moon. I felt connected to nature and to something larger than myself. And now my dog is shaking her stuffed squirrel and trying to get me to play. I’m thankful that she reminds me of simple pleasures and the joy of fooling around and having fun. What are you thankful for?

 

Write On!

 

Best,

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

 

EXCITEMENT VERSUS FEAR

The Renfrew Conference was this past weekend. It was great to reconnect with other professionals and dive into discussions about how we can best help individuals with their recovery. Our Program’s Occupational Therapist, Amy Ethridge, and I presented a workshop on “Working Towards Recovery and Balance:  Introducing an Occupational Therapy Perspective into Treatment”. Two thoughts relating to that workshop seem important for this week’s blog.

First, a large portion of the workshop focused on finding balance in our lives. Three areas of our lives need to be in balance—self care, work and leisure. Amy had a great visual of a pyramid demonstrating balance. I have already used that in another talk because I think it is so important. In a large triangle, two smaller triangles sit side by side. These are work and leisure. These activities have to be balanced in our lives. It may not mean that exact amounts of time are devoted to each, but that we need to craft space in our lives for leisure. What is leisure? It is things that you want to do. Work is what you have to do. Now it is ideal, obviously, if you can enjoy your work and want to do it, but that still does not take the place of finding time to just do what you enjoy. Yet at the top of the large triangle is self-care. As Amy describes it, nothing at the bottom matters if you are not pursing the self-care portion at the top. Think about this. How can you perform well at work or enjoy your leisure activities if you are not taking care of yourself.

Second, when I was talking with Amy about the presentation, she admitted to being a little nervous. She described that one thing that helped her was when I mentioned that fear and excitement are two sides of the same emotion. The same physical symptoms which form the crux of excitement, heart racing, hard to catch your breath, also form the crux of fear. It is how we interpret these feelings that make the difference. So when Amy started to feel nervous, she just told herself, “I’m feeling excited!” And she did a great job!

So…

• First, do you have balance in your life? Journal about the three areas of your life and your reactions to them. How is self-care going? Work? Leisure? Maybe draw a picture about these different aspects of your life. Or cut out images from magazines that you think represent the ideal of self-care, work and leisure. Now journal your thoughts. What expectations or misconceptions do you have related to these activities? Sometimes we hold unreasonable standards that we measure ourselves against. If our image of leisure is floating on a yacht, it may be hard to appreciate the enjoyment of a hot bubble bath. But if we recognize what expectations are holding us back, then we can face them. That yacht life carries its own difficulties. We don’t even know sometimes what might be hidden within another’s story. And images in magazines aren’t real—they are just stories. What stories are holding you back from finding balance?
• Take the stories of your life or what you tell yourself and work to recreate them. That bubble bath that we just talked about—instead of it being less than what you would want, can you view it as a moment for yourself? Is there a way to look at things within your life and shift the perspective that you are taking on them. You may need to journal first to discover your thoughts. Then journal to discover the other side. Fear and excitement can feel the same, but are different depending on how you view them. Can recovery be an adventure—a new life rather than focusing on what is being lost or given up? Can you view the discovery and potential? And when you feel that flutter of fear, just tell yourself, “I’m not afraid, I’m excited!” As Amy said, by the morning of the program, she was feeling “really excited”. Isn’t that a better view of the emotion than feeling really afraid? Recovery can be exciting!

Go on now, Go, Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

UNIQUE VOICE

I went cello shopping with my daughter this past weekend. This was our second foray into the land of cellos. A few years back we had to get a three-quarter size instrument. She was young and they match cello height to kid’s height. At that time we were very inexperienced in the cello world. (Not that we’re that much more experienced now.) We went to a store that friends recommended. In a back room, our salesman pulled out cello after cello for my daughter to try. As I looked at all the instruments hanging on racks around the walls, I had to wonder, “How different are they really?” Turns out each cello has a unique voice.

That first trip, I was hoping to get just a simple cello—nothing too fancy. Then my daughter played one of the cellos and the sound just made me melt on the spot. It sang to me and my daughter and that was the cello that we took home. On our second trip, the salesman told me he had a number of cellos in one price range and then another one that was twice as much. He said, “that cello was interesting”—it had a fabulous sound. I went with the fatalistic acceptance that the more expensive cello would be the instrument that would ‘’wow” us. But when we got to the store, that’s not how things turned out.

My daughter started playing. There were four cellos all the same price and then that “interesting” one. The first cello she played—it sang. We worked our way through the line. The third just didn’t respond to her. Its sound under her playing was stiff and off. The last cello, the “interesting” one sounded no better than the first one. And so after about an hour, we settled on the first cello. Another hour later, we had worked our way through seven bows. Again all the bows looked the same, but different ones had different balance. Some were more supple, others stiffer. With the right bow and cello, the sound resonated through the room. Luckily the choice of a case was much easier—we ended up with one that was midnight blue.

So how does this relate to this blog and to recovery? What struck me in this cello hunt was that instruments that are crafted using the same pattern, that are the same size, made of the same materials can still have unique sounds. It is their own sound and how their sound resonates with the musician. In addition, just because a cello is more expensive does not always equal “better” sound. Each has a unique voice and many different factors go into developing that voice.

So…

• Journal to discover your unique voice. Just as cellos have distinct voices, so do writers. We all have distinct ways we communicate. We have unique ways that we see the world and express our ideas. Here’s the challenge, not every cello’s sound appealed to us. Not every writer’s voice will appeal to all readers. There will be people in your life that will not agree with everything you say. We can’t please everyone all of the time. What can be important is to discover and appreciate your own voice. When you express your ideas, others will start to appreciate your views. When you follow you passions, you will find others will similar dreams that can help support you. When you appreciate and love your own unique voice, others will learn to love and appreciate it too.
• Journal to discover what false beliefs you may be holding onto as to why others should value you and listen to you. I went cello shopping with the mistaken belief that the more expensive cello was going to have the best sound. That didn’t prove to be true. There often isn’t a better or worse or a good or bad. The world is grayer than that. This cello responded to my daughter’s playing. Other cellos will work better for other musicians. Sometimes people have to try a number of activities (just like a number of cellos) to find the best fit. Journal about misconceptions which might be holding you back.

Go on now, discover your own voice and Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.

WALKING FOR WELLNESS

 

 

This past weekend my husband and I participated in the NEDA Walk in East Stroudsburg. It was great seeing a community pull together to increase awareness around the challenge of eating disorders. In speaking with a NEDA representative, we got into a discussion about recovering versus recovered. What signifies the end of the journey? Is there an end?

This is not just a point for intellectual discussion. An awareness of stages in recovery can be vitally important. For example, if someone is early in recovery, it may limit their ability to assist others. They may need to put their energy into helping themselves. Someone early in recovery may need to gather more supports. They may need to avoid triggers or consciously use more coping skills until the recovery starts to become more second nature. Until the recovery feels more real that the eating disorder.

Yet a challenge with recovering versus recovered is that sometimes individuals will put off goals until after they’ve recovered. Yes, there may need to be some limitations and accommodations made for plans and goals if you are in the recovering stage. But if everything is put off until after you’ve recovered that can make the recovery itself almost impossible. Pursuing goals can help provide energy for your recovery. Learning new skills can focus your attention on a healthy task rather than letting ED control your focus. Discovering new talents can boost your excitement for how life can look when the eating disorder is no longer a large focus.

With writing (or other activities) sometimes people say “when I have more time, I’ll do that”. When you look at it that way, though, something will always crowd the writing or other task out. You have to schedule in the time to pursue what you love and then gradually it will become natural to do that task. That activity will have a place in your life and it will add energy and enjoyment (if the activity is something that you truly love).

Some might say—well recovery is the task that I have to carve out time for. But recovery really is getting into and enjoying your healthy life. It is supported when you carve out time to pursue activities that you love. It is the eating disorder behavior that can crowd these tasks out and overtake your life. It is these activities and goals that you have to schedule in now until they become second nature. Crafting the life that you want to lead can’t wait for recovery to happen, it is part of recovery. It is the here and now and not the far off future.

So…

·         Journal about what you love or what you’ve always wanted to do. Even if it is a strange niggling thought that you have dismissed as silly—write it down. See how you feel when you look at that idea. If it buoys you up and gives a thrill of excitement, then consider that maybe this needs to be something to pursue Schedule it in to be part of your life. Everyone’s desires may differ. I love to write—others hate it. The idea of gardening does not buoy me up, but my neighbor loves it. You need to discover what you love. Make lists and see what you keep circling back to.

·         Journal about past times that you felt happy and alive and excited. What was going on? What were you doing? What was it about that situation that felt so good? By understanding it, you can work to help create it again.

·         Journal about stories that you’ve read or tidbits of info you’ve heard. What intrigued you? Did someone sailing across the ocean make you sit up and take notice? Do you need to learn how to sail? Did a picture of a quilt or talk of an old-fashioned quilting bee make you feel at peace? Then start learning how to quilt. Get a group of like minded friends together. Maybe you need to form a drumming circle or a book group. To discover what you love, you may need to try things that you’ll find actually don’t work for you. That’s okay. Start now by journaling to discover which path to try. Or journal a list and work through it so that you always have a new activity to schedule in. Use it to crowd your eating disorder out.

Live now while you’re recovering. You don’t have to wait until you’ve recovered.

Recovered comes from crafting a new life.

So discover your life and learn about yourself and go Write On!

 

Martha Peaslee Levine, MD

 

IMPERFECTION IS INEVITABLE

The other day, I gave a lecture about body image and pregnancy. I diligently prepared for the talk. I read numerous articles and condensed the findings into, hopefully, clear educational points. I found images to provide visual appeal and even included a fun video from a nursing lingerie company to engage the audience’s interest. I included quotes from a blog that concisely and entertainingly summed up challenges women in our society face as they go through pregnancy and postpartum. I provided guidance on ways to approach body image and assess difficulties as professionals work with this segment of the population.

Of course, after I was done, I thought about other ways that I could have improved my talk. I should have included more specific examples. I should have talked slower. I should…

We all have “I should haves” as we proceed through our activities and lives. I later talked with my husband about the lecture. I told him what I wish I had done differently. He offered this advice: The lecture was done. I probably did better than I was giving myself credit for. But either way, it was over. I needed to take my ideas and revamp the talk for the next time around.

And he was right. The talk included a lot of good information and was probably fine. Could it have been better? Maybe. Can I make it better next time? I can try. Should I beat myself up about it? No way.

How does this relate to recovery? Well, do you ever have “I should have” days? I should have known that would be a trigger. I should have followed my meal plan better. I should have…

And so I offer the same advice. This particular moment is past. Take your energy, ideas and enthusiasm to revamp your recovery the next time around. There is no way to go back to the moment that has past. In the present, you can continue to criticize yourself or you can restart your recovery. Better to take a step forward than keep focusing on any slips in the past.

·         Are you dwelling about a recovery slip or something that didn’t go as well as you wanted? Journal about it to see what might have triggered the slip. Journal about what you could have done to make things function better. But don’t berate yourself—just plan to approach things differently the next time around.

·         If you hear yourself talking about should have—journal instead about what you can do. “Should haves” are looking back—there is no changing things in the past. “Can do” is looking towards the future. Put a positive spin on your energy.

·         Accept that perfection is not possible. We are always growing and learning new things that will help us perform tasks and recovery more smoothly in the future. But none of us are perfect and that’s okay. In groups I’ve formed an “I’m not perfect and that’s okay” Club. Imperfection is a concept that we not only have to accept intellectually, but also emotionally. We will make mistakes, but that’s okay. What we need to do is try to learn from those mistakes and grow in the future. Journal your thoughts about perfection and how to release yourself from that unattainable goal.

Write On!

Martha Peaslee Levine, M.D.