I had a patient who successfully finished our program and after 2 years of not engaging in any eating disorder behavior contacted me to let me know how she was doing. She saw herself as completely recovered even though she would on occasion have random eating disorder thought. She said the difference between her current random eating disorder thoughts and the eating disorder thoughts she was having while engaging in her behavior is that with her current thoughts she can simply dismiss them and move on with her day. When she was in the midst of her eating disorder she felt compelled to engage in her eating disorder any time she had an eating disorder thoughts. This begged the question of what changed for her that allowed her to dismiss her eating disorder thoughts whereas at one point in her life she did not think that was possible and felt she had to engage in eating disorder behavior?
When I asked her this she simply said she surrendered to recovery. Before I share with you what she meant about surrendering to recovery I would like to hear from you what surrendering to recovery means.
I've been thinking about surrendering a lot this past month. It's pretty overwhelming to me. How do I surrender? How do I let go? How do I just breathe and just live not worrying about hiding my emotions, or figuring out if I am even feeling anything and using Ed behaviors to cope. How do I let go and not pick it back up, how do I keep the white flag flying? This is a frustrating topic for me. Maybe I'm thinking too much.
Posted by: Ann | June 13, 2009 at 07:13 PM
Maybe surrending means letting to of having to respond to the ED thoughts and allowing your emotions to surface a little more than you normally allow. Our thoughts are in large part beyond our control. However, our response to our thoughts are completely within our control. Let your thoughts be and realize they will come and go.
Posted by: Tony Paulson | July 06, 2009 at 04:04 PM
interesting i stumbled upon this post at this moment. my daughter, 15, is currently hospitalized at a 'crisis-facility' while we organize a transfer to the renfrew center in philly. this will be her fourth admission to an eating disorder facility.
last night we had our final meeting with a social worker and for the very first time in 5 years, C. expressed complete exhaustion with her battle. rather than talk about how she benefited from starvation, and depended on her ed voice; she feels ready to let it go.
i dont really care for the idea of using the word surrender; understand why it might be used, however, surrender is what she did when she obeyed her ed voice and restricted; continuing to live with the dogma she wasnt "good enough" to eat.
this stage seems more like an exorcism, or a divorce. maybe its an emancipation. whatever one calls it, its a courageous step. hearing her determination was the brightest moment we have had in a very long time.
peace.
Posted by: catherine kerr | September 23, 2009 at 04:30 AM
As with any addiction, "surrendering to recovery" simply means that recovery from the disorder must be the most important motivator in your life. Success in recovery will never be achieved if the process of recovery is not the most important component of your daily life. Without recovery, you cannot engage effectively in any other aspect of your life. The goal of recovery must always come first.
Posted by: Frederick Metcalf | March 12, 2011 at 08:34 AM
You should definitely write more about this! Please!
Posted by: 3d ultrasounds | June 17, 2011 at 08:07 AM
Keep it up . and Keep Writing .
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