Accountability

I just got done talking to a patient who is about to advance from treatment and her words of advice was to tell as many people about your eating disorder as possible. For her the accountability piece was very important. When she started venturing down the eating disorder path she needed to have someone there reminder her why she didn't want to do that.

Comments

[Ann]

I completely agree with her! I think that sharing with people that I struggle with this disorder was the best thing I could have done for myself. It seems that as I tell more people the less shame I feel and the easier it is for me to stand up to my bad habits.

[Tony Paulson]

Why do you think it is so hard for people suffering with eating disorders to be more open about their struggles?

[Ann]

I used to think that my friends or family would think less of me as a person or that I was letting them down. I think in general those of us with eating disorders are perfectionists. Admitting to someone that we struggle would be admitting failure, and I didn't want people to know I was a failure. I used to think the worst of myself and I thought if people knew about my struggles then they would think I was a terrible person. I think that when no one knows that we struggle with this disorder then the disorder doesn't allow us to share. I guess for me anyways, the reason it was so hard for me to share was they way I THOUGHT people would respond. Turns out that what I thought was completely wrong, thankfully!

[Laura]

It is so hard for me to tell people b/c I'm afraid people will think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like talking about this "problem" is stupid b/c other people have bigger, more real problems. I dont' want ppl to think I'm asking for sympathy or attention. I feel weird drawing attention to myself, especially in a way that is asking them to 'care for' me or 'understand' me...

I just always feel like I should be the one without a problem. I should always be the one helping others. Admitting to an eating disorder flips that structure.

Turns out, it's so worth it to share. I haven't been completely open with many people, but I'm now at the point where I feel like I am not 100% myself if the person I'm with doesn't know about my eating disorder. ... this usually just translates into me only feeling fully myself with a few people. The strange thing is, even people I haven't "told," have occasionally guessed or confronted me. But even when they confront or ask about the presence of an eating disorder, I usually say something like, "Oh, yeah, I did have an e.d. It's not that much there anymore though." Even though that's not true. I don't know why I respond that way.

I guess it boils down to: I don't want to appear needy.

[Tony Paulson]

Aren't we all needy in some way? We need others to help us with our struggles and to share in the joys of our lives. People with eating disorders are the first to help a friend and not think twice about it but the last one to ask for help. Why the contradiciton?