I had a parent of an adult child call recently at her wits end because she did not know what she could do about her child's eating disorder. It started with a call from her child, who was away at college, confessing that she had been struggling with an eating disorder and was ready to get some help. The mother immediately went into action and found her several treatment options in her area. When the mother informed her child of her options she was taken back when she responded by saying she would try to manage the eating disorder on her own. The mother knew that she could not manage it on her own and was scared that if left untreated the eating disorder would continue on its destructive path. However, the mother felt helpless in that she could not force her child to get treatment and that her child did not live with her so she did not believe she had much influence over her. What was she to do?
Its important to remember that seldom do patients enter treatment eagerly. This is because, although eating disorders are very destructive and potentially life threatening, they also serve a purpose for the patient. The purpose being it helps them manage their internal chaos. It helps them manage their negative thoughts and emotions. It helps them not be so afraid of being rejected by others. It gives them something to focus on other than the self-doubt, anxiety, and depression they live with on a day-to-day basis. Although eating disorders are ultimately destructive they have a positive side from the patient's perspective. Consequently, getting rid of it is often met with some ambivalence.
As a parent don't let that ambivalence deter you from helping your child get treatment (regardless of age). Your loved one needs to becontinuously reminded of the destructive side of eating disorders. They need to be reminded that even though it helps them manage their internal chaos it will never let them be truly happy or fully experience love. They need you to guide them, push them, support them as they get the help they need.
What this means is that make it a topic of conversation. Express to your loved your concerns every time you talk to him or her. Point out the negative side of the eating disorder. Loving compassion has a tremendous impact on patients with eating disorders. Meet your loved one's reluctance to seek treatment with persistence. Many times parents stop talking about the eating disorder because they are afraid of upsetting their loved one and exacerbating the eating disorder. This is a mistake. Don't let it become the pink elephant in the room. With your loving and persistent encouragement your loved one will begin to see the need for change.
