Families often ask me how they should be responding to their loved one and his or her eating disorder. They are concerned about saying the wrong thing and making the eating disorder worse. As a result they often times remain silent when in actuality they have a lot to say. They are worried, sad, mad, frustrated and feel helpless. Family members feel that they can only observe as the eating disorder takes over more of their loved one's life.
Silence is not the answer. However, how you communicate your concerns to your loved one is important. Reasoning with the eating disorder or using logic to try and understand it will only lead to more confusion and frustration. The eating disorder lives in your loved one's head. An eating disorder is comprised of a type negative thoughts that the person has a hard time not responding to. Thus, fighting it on that level seldom yields the results you are looking for. Your loved one believes the negative thoughts and any information contrary to them is ignored or distorted to fit his or her negative belief system.
However, speaking from your heart to your loved one's heart bypasses the eating disorder and is an effective way of communicating and staying connected to your loved one as he or she does through the struggles of the eating disorder. Communicating your love and commitment to stand by your loved one throughout the process of recovery is essential. Your loved one is as scared as you. He or she won't admit it but its the truth. He or she does not want to live the life the eating disorder offer but does not feel there is anything to be done. They are watching this happen as you are. Thus, coming together, committing to walk the path to recovery together provides your loved one a sense they are not alone.
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