I think just about everyday something happens that reminds me how hard recovery is. I see patients making tremendous effort only to take small steps. There are time that tremendous effort is followed by a slip backwards. I see others simply give up because they do not see that recovery is possible. Why is it so hard?
Part of the reason that so many patients struggle to find recovery is that for them the eating disorder serves a very important role. It helps them through the day. It helps them manage their lives. Life with an eating disorder is predictable and often times feels safer. Instead of focusing on the ups and down of life patients focus on food, weight, calories, etc. Imagine being depressed or anxious with the belief that nothing will help. In comes an eating disorder and you are suddenly not feeling as anxious or depressed. The eating disorder behavior alters the experience of being depressed or anxious. It gives the patient some relief. It doesn't eliminate it but it does turn it down providing some relief.
For your loved one its not about his or her body or weight. Its not about purging, exercising compulsively, or restricting what they eat. Its about getting relief from feeling bad.
If you can see the eating disorder from this perspective it is easier to be compassionate and sympathetic. Its easier to see the eating disorder as desperate attempts to feel better. That is why your loved one hangs on to it so tight. Without it he or she loses the one thing that has worked in dealing with feeling bad.
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