Accidental Peace by Lee Wolfe Blum

Control

Perfection has a price

But you can not afford to live that life

It always ends  the same

A fight you will never win

From song Control by JJ Heller

Do mothers CAUSE eating disorders?

"My daughter is a candidate for an eating disorder," my friend confides in me. Her voice filled with deep concern. "What can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?"

Stop calling yourself fat. Stop skipping meals. Stop incessantly verbally comparing yourself to others. I want to say these things to her. But do I risk drowning her in a pool of guilt and shame? Will that help? Does she even play a role in the possible development of her daughter’s future relationship with an eating disorder?

Here is my experience I hope it sheds a bit of light on this debated subject.

Do mother's cause eating disorders?

No.

Do mother's behaviors impact their children and possibly open a door for a child to "fool around" with eating disorders?

Yes.

Could a child develop an eating disorder when a mother does EVERYTHING right?

Yes!

Another mother. My mother. Slim and beautiful to my young eyes. A Farrah Faucet look alike. And my ears digested her discussions. Always discussions heard from far away rooms. Of her weight gain. Her Fat. Her diets.

The Have-tos

I know a family. They are called the have-tos. They accompany patients into treatment for an eating disorder. They are close friends with the Shoulds and the I-just-don't-care's who live in an ugly house around the corner. All of these mean-spirited families do not have a patient’s best interest in mind. And they yell. I don't like it when the yell.

Let's talk about the have-to family.

Patients who know them say things like this:

I can only do treatment for 7 days because I have-to get back to school

I need to discharge because I have-to get back to my job.

I can't come to appointments because I have-to take care of my children.

 

Tolerating distress

"I don't want to go down to the cafeteria." She whines.

"Why?" 

"Because there are too many people and it makes me anxious." She says frantically as she paces in the hall. "So I am going to wait until there aren't as many people."

"Oh. So what happens when you are on a date and the restaurant is packed? What happens when you are at a wedding and the buffet line is long and people are budging in?" I say to this patient in eating disorder treatment. And I encourage her (strongly) to get her behind down in that cafeteria and face her fear! (ok..not in those words)

It's all right to cry...

"Crying gets the sad out of you. It's all right to cry. It might make you feel better."

  

I sing that to my family often, this old song from the play "Free To Be You And Me." I am not joking when I sing it. I mean it.

Why when people cry do we say, "aww don't cry." or "I hate to see you cry?"

Crying is a good thing. Crying is as natural as laughing. So why then do we push it away?

IAEDP

I am enjoying all the amazing eating disorder professionals in sunny Arizona!

Quote from today "eating disorders are a death wrapped up in a shiny package"

If you are here at the IAEDP conference please say hi!

Xoxo
Lee

At what weight does life begin?

This is an article written by Maggie after she interviewed me in Kansas. She really accurately captured everything I was trying to convey. Thanks Maggie :)

College Lifestyles Article

xoxo

Lee

Eating Disorder Awareness Week - Kansas University

Awestruck. Grateful. Humbled. Amazed.

All of these were the emotions were flowing through my body like a hurricane last week. I was honored to speak at Kansas University sharing with hundreds of students a message of hope and recovery.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week! Lee - speaking at KU

NEW BLOG! Accidental Peace

Happy Valentines Day! May you love greatly and feel very loved today!

I am writing to share with you my updates for this blog. In the past I have been sharing stories meant for family members and loved ones struggling. This blog will still offer that insight, but now it will be more of a personal, reflective and introspective blog about my journey now living in recovery, working in an eating disorder treatment center, and searching for publication for my story. I hope you will join me. The blog is titled Accidental Peace, which is also the title of my memoir that I hope to be published in 2011.