Hello Readers! I have been so absent on this blog and for that I am so sorry. I have been investing my time in a writing project that I am hopeful will produce fruit soon. I haven't given up on this blog and I hope you haven't either. Thank you for your patience.
I come to you during Eating Disorder Awareness Week to share with you a very insightful and profound letter of ENCOURAGEMENT. This letter was written by a woman that I know who is on the path to recovery from an eating disorder. My hope is that you will see the TRUTH in this letter. The TRUTH that the eating disorder is a liar. That YOU have a VOICE. And that voice is in there somewhere trying to be set free. Eating Disorders are not a choice. RECOVERY is. Won't you choose recovery every moment of every day for the rest of your life? My prayer is that you will. I promise you...you won't regret it.
Recovery: in essence to overcome, persevere, and move on; to take back the life you once had, or to create a new one. It’s the ultimate vindication, as though the cage that had once held you prisoner dissipates one bar at a time, until there is a wide enough gap to set you free.
It does not mean forgetting that the cage was there, nor does it mean expecting it to spring back up suddenly, imprisoning you again. It means being prepared, knowing where your weaknesses lay in maintaining your freedom, and thinking of all the ways you will hurdle them when they appear.
It means FULLY living your life according to your own rules, not the worlds.
It means recognizing how far you have come and breathing that empowerment into your very core.
Recovery is experiencing your emotions, embracing them, reveling in the happiness, and knowing that the sadness will eventually pass. It’s taking off the mask you have worn for God knows how long, revealing your true self to the world, and being okay with it.
It comes through acceptance of the good, the bad, and the things you never thought you could live with yourself for.
Recovery is beautiful and absolutely terrifying, a masochistic paradox. To let go of something that for so long has protected and shielded you is not simple. Blindly trusting that there can even be a so-called “normal life” takes COURAGE. At times, it can feel like self-sacrifice, because your demons have convinced you that you are one in the same.
By destroying them, you will be destroying any chance you actually had at being happy. You have to break out of that fallacy, and it will not happen instantaneously. Recovery starts as being an option and slowly shifts to a reality through hard, sometimes excruciatingly exhausting work.
It is easier to give up, to go back to old habits and forget that you tried. What’s one more failure, right? TRY AGAIN, for the ability to recover lies in this. In retrospect you have never really won. You have convinced yourself that success means thin, but then thin never comes. As soon as you get there, it’s not good enough. You crave more. Your intrinsic values shift to self-centeredness at its worst, for you are not self-obsessed to impress others, but to destroy yourself.
Recovery is letting go of the positive things your demon has provided, and finding a way to fill its void once it is gone, but know that it can be filled. It is all too easy to fall into the belief that nothing could take its place, nothing could ever feel as good as your demon did. And then you step outside of yourself and realize that this sensation is drastically better than anything the demon could invoke. It’s the power of choice, and of regaining your control.
Recovery is health.
Being able to finally think clearly, without the omnipresent shadow that you’ve come to think is your own. It is being able to laugh genuinely, not the fake kind you’ve been parading for so long. It brings present moment awareness, allowing you to enjoy the fragility of life. In turn, it makes you realize that you are not, in fact, infallible.
You start to see that your life does matter, and that you weren’t made only to self-destruct. Rediscovered talents emerge, abilities you forgot you had. The demon is an excellent bargainer after all, but a dangerous one to entrust. It will take all that you have in the pursuit of a number that will never come.
Let go, because life isn’t lived in front of a mirror.