There is space in my brain.
Not because I am a blonde, no because Ed doesn't reside there anymore. Walking up the rocky path of the Colorado mountainsde I spun. I spun ideas, and dreams, and goals, and memories. Spun all in the space where Ed used to live.
You see, all that space that the eating disorder takes up in your head can be used for so much more.
I never new that. I am not sure I would have believed it 16 years ago.
Could the place filled with calorie counting, body loathing, and meal planning be consumed by something else?The place meant to not feel also was all consuming with obessesions. What if it was filled with something that gives life? Something that gives me joy?
Yes. I am hear to tell you.
Others say it too. Are you listening?
Yes. It can. That space is now filled with my writing and creating. Brimming with imagination. Growing with connections and relationships. Simmering with dreams. There is no room in there for Ed stuff.
The more you begin to let it go, that space where Ed lives, the more you will see it too. No, not just see it. You will experience it. Just like I am.
And I promise you. I would NEVER go back.
Let go of Ed and discover what can live inside that space that is craving for hope and joy and dreams and LIFE!
Happy Living!
Lee
i feel my whole brain is consumed by ed, it like my mind and body is totally lost to this illness and that scares me so much..but thanku for the hope , of ur recovery
Posted by: nicola | June 24, 2011 at 09:56 PM
Lee, I love reading your posts at Finding Balance, too.
http://www.benjity.wordpress.com
Posted by: abby | June 25, 2011 at 06:08 AM
very thought provoking post!! i am in recovery for anorexia and more recently binge eating, and i have been pondering this very thought during my recovery. so much of my energy is spent on ED thoughts and with some kindness and compassion could be lifted and redirected. takes real conscious effort though!
Posted by: *Andrea* | June 26, 2011 at 06:50 PM
I promise you that if you keep moving forward away from Ed the space will open up and you will find such freedom. It is worth it. Stay on the road to recovery...or get on the road. Enlists your army. It is worth it!
Lee
Posted by: Lee | July 11, 2011 at 02:27 PM
I have glimmers of this. Thanks.
Posted by: Cindy | August 07, 2011 at 06:17 AM
Thank you Abby. And Cindy - take the glimmers and ride them until they turn into big huge rainbows!
Posted by: Lee | August 07, 2011 at 09:03 AM