Parents,
especially of adolescents with eating disorders, become exhausted overwhelmed
and sometimes almost consumed by Ed.
I see it in your eyes, in your slumped shoulders, and in your solemn faces.
And I tell you to go home and take a nap. Please take some time for yourself.
It
is exhausting trying to distinguish what is Ed and what is your daughter and
son. It is exhausting when every meal becomes a battle. It is exhausting
watching your child struggle.
I can't even imagine how hard it is for you.
I am writing this to encourage you and to hopefully give you some tips.
First: Know what your role is. Your role is to encourage and walk along side your loved one. Use the words; "I support you in your recovery. I support you on this journey."
Second: Know what your role isn't. Your role is NOT to fix the problem (Dad's this is mostly for you). This seems to be the most difficult for the Dad's. They tend to like to fix. If this is you...find something you can fix. Find a project. Then let the treatment team do the fixing. Your job is to-remember-walk along side and support and encourage.
Third: Be firm and set limits. Stick to those limits. Set them in therapy and with the dietician and then enforce them at home. The more consistent you can be the better. If you have trouble with this, ask the therapist for help!
Fourth: Don't fight with Ed. You will never win. Learn to distinguish the difference between your loved on and the eating disorder. When you think you are talking to the eating disorder say, "I am not talking to Ed. I will talk to you when it is you and not your eating disorder." Then say, "I support you in your recovery."
Fifth: Don't stop your life. Don't let Ed stop you from spending time with your spouse, with your other children, with your friends. I know it is hard and difficult, but when Ed begins to consume every moment of your life too, then Ed is now sucking away your life! No fun!
Sixth: Educate! Educate yourself as much as you can about Ed's. Your weapon to fight Ed is knowing all about him. But, try not to over do it! Learn about it and then pick up a light read to give yourself a break!
Seventh: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST! That really should be the FIRST piece of advice. You need support, don't try to go at this alone! If you need to see a therapist too, in order to stay sane, then do it! Find a support group for parents, reach out to friends, talk to other families in your situation. There is a reason why they give the oxygen masks to the parents first on an airplane! You need to take care of yourself more than ever right now, because the journey to recovery from an eating disorder is a process and a journey. You need stamina and MUST take care of yourself first. I know it is hard, but it is so crucial! The parents I see do this endure the highs and lows much better than those who give up everything thinking they can fix their child. Let the treatment team do that, and you work with them to learn how to support and encourage your child!
I hope this helps. And I hope more than anything you, the parents, will reach out for support. That you will begin taking care of yourself, despite your fears and anxieties. It will make the roller coaster ride that you are on much more bearable!
Lee
