Fat
is not a feeling.
It
isn’t. You can’t “feel” fat just like you can’t “feel” orange.
“But
I can!” you say, “I feel fat.”
Sure,
some days we wake up feeling bloated or water loaded, but still it doesn’t mean
you are fat. And, what we consider fat in our culture is considered beautiful
in another culture. Our perspective becomes skewed by our own culturally
idealized body images. And still, fat is not a feeling. Really it is an
internal feeling that is then projected onto our appearance.
“But,
I ate so much yesterday I must have gained 10lbs overnight!”
No,
that again is a distortion. If you look at how our body weight naturally ebbs
and flows it can vary from day to day how much we weigh. That is usually within
a three-pound range. You can’t gain 10 lbs overnight. But, I don’t want to get
into the science of it, more the psychological aspect.
I
love how Dr. Stacy Nye a specialist in the field of eating disorders describes
this, “Saying I feel fat can often be a common denominator for a variety of
powerful forces, especially dysphoric moods.”
(Dysphoric
= an emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression, or unease.)
“The
problem comes when a person is unable to decipher these moods and they get
condensed into a final common denominator – feeling fat” Says Dr. Nye.
Some
people use this as a catchall. They are anxious – they interpret it, as “I feel
fat.” They are scared of a social situation and so they say, “I feel fat.” They
are lonely…then they say, “I feel fat.”
And
you know, it is a universal phrase don’t you think? It is much easier to say to
someone, “I feel fat today.” Then to say, “Gosh I am really lonely and down
today.”
The
technical term for this is Alexithymia – not being able to read feelings.
“Even
if you are overweight, your actual weight is not what leads you to feel fat one
minute and not the next, and not the problem that needs to be dealt with at the
time. Just like the problem with gambling is not the cards. The problem with
compulsive shopping is not the stores. The problem with feeling fat is not
literal fatness, but the painful emotional state within.” Says Dr. Nye.
To
change this catchall phrase from falling out of your mouth starts with learning
to notice your emotions. And it takes time, to be able to identify and
recognize those emotions. But, to do so will help you be a much more balanced
and emotionally intelligent person!
As a loved one of someone struggling, when they say, "I feel fat" don't argue and don't invalidate. It is a waste of energy. Instead say, "What is the feeling underneath? Are you sad, lonely, anxious...etc."
How
do I do this you ask?
First,
the next time you hear the phrase in your mind beginning to land into words.
Ask yourself, “What is it that I am really feeling?” Am I lonely? Am I tired?
Am I anxious? Am I nervous?
If
you can’t identify your emotions ask your therapist to give you a sheet with a list of emotions.
Another
helpful tool is a behavior chain. The behavior chain can help you back up in
time to find out what led to the statement “I feel fat.” It is like retracing
your steps when you lose something.
Start
with the statement, “I feel fat.” Then work backwards to emotions, feelings,
and prompting events that might have led up to the feeling. Most likely you
will see in the pattern something that led up to it. Then begin to notice times
when it happens most often. Is it when you are in certain situations? Around
certain people? Watching certain TV shows?
Once
you notice what is beneath the statement then you can get to what is underneath
it! Then you can work on a real solution, and most likely you will have less “I
feel fat non feelings!”
It will help you continue on the road to living Ed free!
Happy Living!
Lee
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