December is filled with family, fun, and (hopefully) relaxing times. Then January hits and the media bombards us with words like "resolutions," "goals," "less of this," "less of that."
It is exhausting! The goal setting ...the future forecasting...the weight loss pushing!
At the same time, I admit I set new goals for myself each January too! I am working on my relationships and my finances this January. I have learned a lot about what motivates people, through my own experience as well as working with those struggling with eating disorders. And I have seen time and time again that WHAT motivates you can be crucial.
I am referring to external motivation vs. internal motivation. I can give you the clinical and psychological jargon for it, but I think the nitty gritty is easier to understand.
Research shows that in order to make change, you need internal motivation. External motivation will only last so long. External motivation is necessary, but it needs to be combined with internal motivation.
Here are some examples:
"I want recovery because my family wants me to be healthy." = External
"I want recovery because I believe my life is out of control and I want a life better than one controlled by ED." = Internal
"I follow my meal plan because they tell me I have to." = External
"I follow my meal plan because I want to take care of my body." = Internal
Sometimes it takes external motivation (like treatment teams and families) to get us to internal motivation. But, you really need to find that internal motivation to really make change happen.
In my own life, recovery was shaky for me as I contemplated it. And, I found myself easily swayed to go back to Ed. But, when I started desiring recovery because I wanted it, change REALLY started to happen. I began to do it, despite what others were doing or saying. Despite what I thought others said I should do. I did it because I WANTED IT! I am not saying it always "felt" (sometimes you have to do things and the feelings come later) like I wanted it...but I stopped doing it to please others, and/or for others. But, began doing it because I wanted to do it. Because I believed there was life on the other side of recovery. Then I let others help me reach that goal.
So, as you approach 2010 I encourage you to really sit down and think about your motivation. Write a list of your external motivations and internal motivations. Both are necessary and important. But, internal is even more crucial. If you don't have internal motivation and can't find any reasons for recovery besides pleasing others, then I encourage you to talk with your therapist or treatment team about how to find that internal motivation! It will help you!
Happy 2010!
Lee
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