Accidental Peace by Lee Wolfe Blum

Holidays and ED - tips for families and the one with the eating disorder

Holidays can be a stressful time for someone with an eating disorder. It can also be a stressful time for family members and loved ones of the eating disorder sufferer. I just came upon this article that gives tips for navigating the holidays during the struggle. Some of these are quite helpful so I have posted them below as well as a link to the article. 

These are great suggestions, but I need to add my own thoughts. A few of the points I disagree with. (**You can see my notes below)

What helped me the most during holidays over the years was to come up with my own battle plan.

You are going into war aren't you? War so ED doesn't ruin your holiday? A plan to use despite what anyone else was doing. I found it crucial to plan ahead for how I was going to handle situations if and when they arose. The thing about families is sometimes it can be hard to change the traditions...good and bad. So to expect the entire family to make drastic changes to help you could be unreasonable. 

Not impossible...but maybe unreasonable. 

To be prepared you need to do whatever it takes to protect your recovery. It means you plan ahead. Think about how family gatherings usually go. What bothers you...what makes your urges higher...and who is comfortable/not comfortable to be around. Then come up with a plan on how you are going to what you need to do. Write down that plan and share it with either your therapist or a friend. 

Here are some examples:

1. If everyone waits until dinner to have a meal and you know it...you plan ahead. You eat breakfast. You eat lunch. You eat your tallies at dinner just like you would any other dinner. 

2. Plan a time that you will arrive and leave for wherever you are going. That way it doesn't feel like you are there forever. Let your family know ahead of time how long you plan on staying.

3. Bring something or have ideas of things to do other than food. Bring a fun game, a movie, a project. Something so you don't spend all your time focusing on the food.

4. If you do plan on leaving early evening and you know the gathering is stressful plan something fun for yourself after. A good movie, a bubble bath, go to a friend's house. Something to end the night on you taking care of you.

5. If you are concerned about what people will say to you about your body, come up with some lines that you can say that won't evoke too much emotion from either party. "Thank you for your concern. I am doing what I need to do for my recovery." 

Focus on what you need to do. You can ask your family to do some things to help you, as well as friends. But, most important is that you do what YOU need to do despite what everyone else is or isn't doing. Hope it helps! And may your eating disorder NOT show up during your holiday!! 

Here are the tips from the article.

1. Shift the focus from food and counting calories to celebrating and spending time with loved ones.

2. Stay away from any kind of good food/bad food talk.

3. Surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with their bodies, food and weight. When attending gatherings, bring a trusted family member or friend along with you if you can.

4. Keep lines of communication open and involve your family and friends in your challenges, victories and goals.

5. Before attending a holiday gathering, consider calling the host to ask what foods will be served. Bring along "safe food" if necessary. Lee's note. I disagree with this unless you are in the very very beginning stages of recovery ie: just out of treatment. But bringing a safe food is really in my opinion only letting ED control your holiday. If you are on a meal plan the foods served should fit into that meal plan. Fitting it into your meal plan is more "normal eating." 

During the holiday season, support from family and friends can significantly impact an individual's ability to effectively handle these stressful situations. For those supporting someone with an eating disorder through the holidays, Eating Recovery Center offers these suggestions:

1. Ask your family member or friend what you can do to best support them.

2. Ease into the holiday season by focusing on activities that don't involve food, such as putting up decorations or sending cards.

3. Stress levels can escalate during a holiday gathering. Offering a loved one the chance to "escape" for a few moments can help keep emotions in check.

4. Be conscious of the snacks and treats displayed during holiday times. Reducing the availability of snacks can help your family member or friend maintain their regular eating schedule.

5. Have patience and express your continued support.

Eating Disorders and the Holidays Article

Happy Holidays!

Lee 

Walking the line

(Photo by Flickr)

You can walk that line. You can walk it for a very long time. You know the line, the one that keeps one foot in your eating disorder and one foot in recovery. I have seen people go years on that line. It is what I like to call a "high functioning eating disorder." It is dangerous. It is dangerous because the people around you see that you are working, that you socialize, that you appear happy.

They don't see that you keep ED in your back pocket.
Just in case.
Just in case life get's hard.
Just in case you get too stressed.

And, you can even walk the line while in treatment. Barely doing what you need to do just to get by.

I have walked this line too, and with my acting experience it was easy for me to "play well." I could pretend, put on the happy face, and appease those watching.

The reality is you can do this for the rest of your life.

But WHY?

Why would you want to only experience the edges of life, to only experience part of relationships, to only reach the edge of your dreams. I promise you, if you keep ED in your back pocket you will never FULLY experience the colorful, beautiful and sometimes painful thing called Life.

Do you want to get to the end of your life and say, "Well I just got by."
If you keep ED in your back pocket for just in case, you will just get by. Real recovery comes from fully surrendering. From fully saying, "I will do whatever it takes to do this." Then, listening to the experts (ie; your treatment team) and doing what they tell you to do. Without full surrender, without finally admitting you are powerless to your addiction, you will continue to walk the line. You will continue to play the game and continue to live life on the edges.

Ask yourself;
1. Am I walking the line?
2. Am I keeping ED in my back pocket for just in case?
3. Do I think I can just "do better" instead of listening to those who are advising me?
4. Am I afraid of these words, "ED not an option!"

Ask yourself those questions and even talk to your therapist about it. The ONLY way to stop walking the line, is to step off of it. Step off into the side of recovery. This is only done through FULL surrender and admitting powerlessness. Then reaching out for help. Stepping over the line is worth it! I would never step back. But, ultimately the choice is YOURS.

What are you going to do?

Lee

Joy Journal

I used to journal every day. I would journal my thoughts, my prayers, and mostly my worries. Now, my writing has taken place of the journaling. But what I do like to do now is make Joy Journals!

I encourage the patients to keep a joy journal while in treatment! Days can go by and you think you aren't making progress...but usually you are! With all the work done in treatment sometimes it can feel daunting and overwhelming. Sometimes even impossible!  I encourage the joy journal so you can see the small steps you are making towards recovery! For parents, a joy journal is so helpful to keep you encouraged! 

What is a Joy Journal?

A journal that keep by your bed, and you write in every night. It doesn't have to be long paragraphs or dramatic stories, just a few good things that happened during the day. Moments where ED didn't win! Moments that made you stop and smile. Moments that bring you JOY! Simple things you notice throughout the day. Do it right before bed, and then hopefully it will lead your pre-sleep thoughts into a good place!

From the people I know who have tried the Joy Journal...they always report a positive reaction from doing it. It is something simple and easy to do...so why not give it a try? And let me know how it goes! 

Happy Living!

Lee