It is middle of May in Minnesota and the weather is forecasted to be 97 degrees? How is that possible in the land of frozen lakes and bone chilling winters?Nevertheless it is time to pull out the sunscreen. I lathered the greasy stuff on the bridges of three boys’ noses, their paper white cheeks, and arms.
Sunblock.
I am the one on the left...with the burn lines (hard to really see in this photo). My sister is the taller & tanner one next to me.
When I was a child we didn’t carry sunblock, just Solarcaine.
The stuff to help ease the pain of sunburn. Sunshine and warm weather brings a fair skinned blondie like myself many memories of painful days of burnt skin followed by a spray down of solarcain to ease the pain. As I got older I began to get sun poisoning on the areas that had been burnt too much. Sun poisoning feels like a million little bugs biting your skin. It is an awful feeling. And yet, I would go out in the sun and think, "Aww it won't happen this time?" Really? I was always proven WRONG! And paid for it after!
As I approach the young age (LOL) of 37 you would think I would be adamant about wearing sunblock? Right? Well, most of the time…yes. I am. But, it has taken me a gaggle of years to finally have radical acceptance that I will never be the bronzed tan girl I wish to be. I do not have that type of skin. No matter how much I try or wish or lather Coppertone on my skin to "promote color", I will not turn brown. I just turn red as a tomato.
Why am I talking about sun block?
Because recovery from an eating disorder is similar to my sun block struggles. You see, many times I hear patients say, “Well they can diet…why can’t I? Well she works out like that…. why can’t I? Well …they skip meals and do fine…why can’t I?”
Sound familiar?
I tell you why. Because they don’t have an eating disorder! Does this mean that you will have an eating disorder the rest of your life? No. But you have to learn to wear your sun block. And until you realize that your issues are not like the other girl or guy you compare yourself too, you will continue to get sunburnt! You have to wear your sun block. You have a choice protect your recovery. Just like I have the choice to protect my skin.
How do you do this? Well for everyone it is different, because each eating disorder has his or her own struggles and triggers. I can share with you what has worked for me and then you can come up with your own “recovery protection” plan.
I protect my recovery by refusing to believing I am immune from ever struggling again, but that I have the power to do whatever I can to make sure that doesn’t happen. I do this by knowing what triggers me. You see alcoholics do this! Some resolve to never drinking anything alcoholic because it might send them back down that road.
That is their sun block.
For others a drink here or there works. Some commit to going to AA the rest of their life as their sun block. Each has to search their soul and learn what types of sun block they need to live a life of recovery.
Knowing what sends me spinning and working to stay away from those things is my sun block. I work to fill my mind with things that are life giving, books, and movies, TV shows. And I stay away from things that fill my mind with ideas and/or make me feel less than. I continue to make sure never to skip meals. Ever. Sure, some people can skip meals and not end up with an eating disorder, and skipping one meal won’t send me back.
BUT, why risk it?
By never skipping meals I am protecting myself from the downward spiral of disordered eating. Another example; Just as I had a habit of reading labels…I now have a habit of NOT reading them. My eyes divert away just as quickly as they used to divert too the list of numbers (something that always caused an emotional reaction from me). Now NOT looking is habit.
I am careful to surround myself with people who are life giving (vs. Life Sucking) and rarely if ever talk about food, body, and or dieting.
So these are just some of the ways that I wear my sun block and protect my recovery. Really you have a choice on your path to recovery. You can continue to wish you had the darker skin, or you can radically accept your struggles, what triggers you, and learn to incorporate your sun block wearing techniques into your life! Stop comparing your recovery to others…find what works for you..and in that you will stay away from getting burnt!
What is your sun block? I would love to know!
Happy Living!
Lee
I really connected with this post. Yes, all of that does sound familiar. Just 2 hours ago, I was trying to convince the dietitian who works with me that "normal eaters" sometimes skip meals and "normal eaters" don't always eat what she deems as "enough." And "other people" are allowed to exercise that much. Thank you for explaining it this way. This makes a lot of sense to me. I'll have to do some thinking about what my "sun block" is, but off the top of my head I'd have to say:
1 - not skipping meals
2 - keeping pleasurable, relaxing activities in my life
3 - staying truly connected (with openness, sharing, and honesty) with enough people
Posted by: Laura | May 20, 2009 at 08:09 PM
Great post! Just discovered this blog and will definitely become a regular! I struggle with both - wanting to be slimmer than my body wants to and wanting to be tanner than it can handle ;) But more and more wanting to accept myself and love as i am is gaining the upper hand.
My sunblock regarding my ED would be to:
-avoid certain foods that always seem to get me in trouble f.x. brownies LOL ;)
-preferably not eating alone or to get bored in a house with a stocked fridge ;)
-and to read, read, read good educating material about ED´s and things related to womens studies and our flawed reality, and to be dedicated to make it better for women of the future.
Posted by: Anna | May 28, 2009 at 11:07 AM
Wonderful post! I would add a great sunscreen is identifying feelings and finding ways to express and nurture them. Addressing the underlying issues that contributed to the ED in the first place is a great way of ensuring recovery is maintained.
Posted by: Kristine Tippen PhD | May 30, 2009 at 07:34 AM
I like what you added Kristine. It made me think about how important being able to figure out what it is I actually need at a given moment has been in reducing my eating disordered behaviors. Sometimes I don't figure out the emotion, but I'll realize "Oh, I don't need a binge. I need sleep." or "Oh, I don't need to restrict food, I need to decompress/relax, (which - depending on my mood - could mean I different things)" But I identifying my needs has been very helpful.
Posted by: Laura | June 02, 2009 at 05:05 AM