You, Me, and ED

Michelle Obama and her daughters weight?

I am sure you have heard by now about the debate regarding Mrs. Obama and her daughters. Her pediatrician alerted her recently that her daughters were on the verge of obesity. Mrs. Obama has decided to discuss it with the world.

LA Times

Yahoo

Here is my two cents on this.

I do believe our society needs a bit of a "wake up" call regarding weight, body image, obesity AND eating disorders (There are many eating disorders besides just Anorexia)! But, crying outrage against obesity from the president might or might not be the way to go about it. We will have to wait and see. 

What I think is more crucial is the education piece! Maybe before she announced to the world that her daughters were at risk she should have done some research regarding eating disorders as well as the delicate issue surrounding talking to her daughters about food and body image. Maybe she should have thought of how that kind of public scrutiny would affect her daughters.

Do I think her daughters are MORE at risk to develop an eating disorder because she is publicly talking about their weight? Nope. That is where public needs more education. Remember this is just my opinion :).

But, eating disorders happen in all types of families. They can happen when the Mom has an eating disorder, when the Mom is critical, and when none of that is present. It is true that the mothers (and fathers) eating habits as well as attitudes around body image and weight will affect the children in some way. BUT...they DON'T cause eating disorders. They may cause insecurity with weight, body, and yo-yo dieting. But they DON'T cause eating disorders. I (and many in the eating disorder community believe an eating disorder is a disease and the person must first have a pre-disposition towards addictive behavior. Then, combine that with an overly critical mother and an overwhelming set of circumstances and the eating disorder can for sure take root, but you really need the pre-disposition to addictive behavior – FIRST.

You see...not all college students who drink become alcoholics. Not all children of alcoholics become alcoholics. But, for those with the addictive pre-disposition and/or genetic make-up they will be much more at risk to develop an addiction. So, if the Obama's daughters have this pre-disposition and they are looking for a negative coping skill that is pretty easy to pick up, they might develop an eating disorder. 

An eating disorder is an addiction. It is also a way to cope. Just because Michelle Obama is putting their weight in the spotlight does not mean they are going to develop an eating disorder. 

Ok, now here is where some of you might not agree. But, if one of her daughters does develop an eating disorder (which I would hope and pray not) having the First Family address an issue and maybe put money to an issue that is affecting millions of men and women might not be a bad thing. Sorry, but it is true! 

In conclusion, I was saddened by her comments mostly because it is embarrassing for her daughters. What is she going to announce next, when they have their periods? And, I hope what comes out of this is better education about eating disorders, better education for our society about positive coping skills, and more money to fund eating disorder research as well as eating disorders being recognized as a disease by insurance companies.

Hope this helps!

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Lee

Radio program...

Today I will be on a radio program in Georgia...for an hour!

The website to hear the podcast is www.radiosandysprings.com 

I will be on the 2:00 Reality Radio show today.

I hope you enjoy it!

Lee

External motivation vs. internal motivation

December is filled with family, fun, and (hopefully) relaxing times. Then January hits and the media bombards us with words like "resolutions," "goals," "less of this," "less of that."

It is exhausting! The goal setting ...the future forecasting...the weight loss pushing!

At the same time, I admit I set new goals for myself each January too! I am working on my relationships and my finances this January. I have learned a lot about what motivates people, through my own experience as well as working with those struggling with eating disorders. And I have seen time and time again that WHAT motivates you can be crucial. 

I am referring to external motivation vs. internal motivation. I can give you the clinical and psychological jargon for it, but I think the nitty gritty is easier to understand.

Research shows that in order to make change, you need internal motivation. External motivation will only last so long. External motivation is necessary, but it needs to be combined with internal motivation.

Here are some examples: 

"I want recovery because my family wants me to be healthy." = External

"I want recovery because I believe my life is out of control and I want a life better than one controlled by ED." = Internal

"I follow my meal plan because they tell me I have to." = External

"I follow my meal plan because I want to take care of my body." = Internal

Sometimes it takes external motivation (like treatment teams and families) to get us to internal motivation. But, you really need to find that internal motivation to really make change happen. 

In my own life, recovery was shaky for me as I contemplated it. And, I found myself easily swayed to go back to Ed. But, when I started desiring recovery because I wanted it, change REALLY started to happen. I began to do it, despite what others were doing or saying. Despite what I thought others said I should do. I did it because I WANTED IT! I am not saying it always "felt" (sometimes you have to do things and the feelings come later) like I wanted it...but I stopped doing it to please others, and/or for others. But, began doing it because I wanted to do it. Because I believed there was life on the other side of recovery. Then I let others help me reach that goal. 

So, as you approach 2010 I encourage you to really sit down and think about your motivation. Write a list of your external motivations and internal motivations. Both are necessary and important. But, internal is even more crucial. If you don't have internal motivation and can't find any reasons for recovery besides pleasing others, then I encourage you to talk with your therapist or treatment team about how to find that internal motivation! It will help you!

Happy 2010!

Lee

2010 Speaking Schedule

I am excited for some fun speaking engagements this year! If you are attending any of these events please make sure to say hello! 

Here is where I will be so far:

** January 6th and January 7th - Blake School in Hopkins, MN

Blake School

**January 9th Recharge Conference Colonial Church in Edina, MN

Recharge

**February 8th - Health Education Conference in Minneapolis, MN

**June 4-6th Hungry For Hope Conference in Colorado Springs, Colorado (Chris and I are speaking

 together :) ) 

Hungry For Hope

Lee 

2010!!

May 2010 bring you HEALTH, JOY, and PEACE!

Lee

 

L

EXTREMES!

Last night after  12 hour day working with eating disorder patients I was anxious to chill on the couch and watch some brainless TV. The only options were;

1. The biggest Loser

2. Victoria’s Secret Fashion show

Really? Is this what our society has come to? On one show you watch people working as hard as possible to lose weight. The other show looked like a runway of anorexics. We live in a society of extremes don’t we? 

Bad or Good. 

Fat or Skinny. 

And these extremes are pounded in our heads through the media. 

So I ask you to consider as I do…what is the truth? The TRUTH is that God made bodies of all different shapes and sizes.Yep he did. We are not a one-size-works for all! And did you know that only 1% of the population has the genetic make-up to look like those Victoria’s Secret models! The rest of em…my guess is they are starving themselves. I had to laugh at one model's quote that came out today, One Angel, Selita Ebanks told the New York Daily News, "It's all about creating the illusion of this amazing body on the runway. People don't realize that there are about 20 layers of makeup on my butt alone."

And how about Heidi Klum who just had her 4th baby? She is not normal. Do you hear me. Not normal. Watching her walk down that runway and having people gush, "oh and she just had her 4th baby!" How about the millions of women who just gave birth who think they can look like her..then they become entrapped in Pregorexia! (Pregorexia is A condition where a pregnant mother is obsessed with being thin)

So what do we do with this land of extremes? How do we navigate it all? I encourage you to work towards body acceptance. Look at your body and when you aren’t living in extremes (over-eating or under-eating) what is your body shape, body size when you eat in moderation, exercise in moderation, and still enjoy life? Your body will find its homeostasis. And by not living in extremes your metabolism will level out. The yo-yo dieting, the overeating, the extremes will mess it all up. The key really is BALANCE and MODERATION!!  

So I turned those shows off, grabbed my book and curled up in my bed. I don’t need the media putting images in my mind. I just want to be the person I was meant to be. I want to feel good about who I am. I want to walk down the street and  scream out “I AM OK WITH ME DESPITE WHAT THE WORD TELLS ME TO BE!” . . Not the person Victoria’s Secret tells me to be. BUT ME. With my imperfections, stretch marks, and flaws. Me at the weight I was meant to be at! That makes me REAL! 

So – join with me in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. don’t buy those magazines that fill your head with unrealistic images, watch shows that give you unrealistic ideas, or play around with your diet because of the latest trend! If you are still struggling with eating issues...please get help! Take care of yourself. Do the things you love. Spend time with friends and family. Those are the things in life that matter!!

Happy Living!

Lee

Holidays and ED - tips for families and the one with the eating disorder

Holidays can be a stressful time for someone with an eating disorder. It can also be a stressful time for family members and loved ones of the eating disorder sufferer. I just came upon this article that gives tips for navigating the holidays during the struggle. Some of these are quite helpful so I have posted them below as well as a link to the article. 

These are great suggestions, but I need to add my own thoughts. A few of the points I disagree with. (**You can see my notes below)

What helped me the most during holidays over the years was to come up with my own battle plan.

You are going into war aren't you? War so ED doesn't ruin your holiday? A plan to use despite what anyone else was doing. I found it crucial to plan ahead for how I was going to handle situations if and when they arose. The thing about families is sometimes it can be hard to change the traditions...good and bad. So to expect the entire family to make drastic changes to help you could be unreasonable. 

Not impossible...but maybe unreasonable. 

To be prepared you need to do whatever it takes to protect your recovery. It means you plan ahead. Think about how family gatherings usually go. What bothers you...what makes your urges higher...and who is comfortable/not comfortable to be around. Then come up with a plan on how you are going to what you need to do. Write down that plan and share it with either your therapist or a friend. 

Here are some examples:

1. If everyone waits until dinner to have a meal and you know it...you plan ahead. You eat breakfast. You eat lunch. You eat your tallies at dinner just like you would any other dinner. 

2. Plan a time that you will arrive and leave for wherever you are going. That way it doesn't feel like you are there forever. Let your family know ahead of time how long you plan on staying.

3. Bring something or have ideas of things to do other than food. Bring a fun game, a movie, a project. Something so you don't spend all your time focusing on the food.

4. If you do plan on leaving early evening and you know the gathering is stressful plan something fun for yourself after. A good movie, a bubble bath, go to a friend's house. Something to end the night on you taking care of you.

5. If you are concerned about what people will say to you about your body, come up with some lines that you can say that won't evoke too much emotion from either party. "Thank you for your concern. I am doing what I need to do for my recovery." 

Focus on what you need to do. You can ask your family to do some things to help you, as well as friends. But, most important is that you do what YOU need to do despite what everyone else is or isn't doing. Hope it helps! And may your eating disorder NOT show up during your holiday!! 

Here are the tips from the article.

1. Shift the focus from food and counting calories to celebrating and spending time with loved ones.

2. Stay away from any kind of good food/bad food talk.

3. Surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with their bodies, food and weight. When attending gatherings, bring a trusted family member or friend along with you if you can.

4. Keep lines of communication open and involve your family and friends in your challenges, victories and goals.

5. Before attending a holiday gathering, consider calling the host to ask what foods will be served. Bring along "safe food" if necessary. Lee's note. I disagree with this unless you are in the very very beginning stages of recovery ie: just out of treatment. But bringing a safe food is really in my opinion only letting ED control your holiday. If you are on a meal plan the foods served should fit into that meal plan. Fitting it into your meal plan is more "normal eating." 

During the holiday season, support from family and friends can significantly impact an individual's ability to effectively handle these stressful situations. For those supporting someone with an eating disorder through the holidays, Eating Recovery Center offers these suggestions:

1. Ask your family member or friend what you can do to best support them.

2. Ease into the holiday season by focusing on activities that don't involve food, such as putting up decorations or sending cards.

3. Stress levels can escalate during a holiday gathering. Offering a loved one the chance to "escape" for a few moments can help keep emotions in check.

4. Be conscious of the snacks and treats displayed during holiday times. Reducing the availability of snacks can help your family member or friend maintain their regular eating schedule.

5. Have patience and express your continued support.

Eating Disorders and the Holidays Article

Happy Holidays!

Lee 

Walking the line

(Photo by Flickr)

You can walk that line. You can walk it for a very long time. You know the line, the one that keeps one foot in your eating disorder and one foot in recovery. I have seen people go years on that line. It is what I like to call a "high functioning eating disorder." It is dangerous. It is dangerous because the people around you see that you are working, that you socialize, that you appear happy.

They don't see that you keep ED in your back pocket.
Just in case.
Just in case life get's hard.
Just in case you get too stressed.

And, you can even walk the line while in treatment. Barely doing what you need to do just to get by.

I have walked this line too, and with my acting experience it was easy for me to "play well." I could pretend, put on the happy face, and appease those watching.

The reality is you can do this for the rest of your life.

But WHY?

Why would you want to only experience the edges of life, to only experience part of relationships, to only reach the edge of your dreams. I promise you, if you keep ED in your back pocket you will never FULLY experience the colorful, beautiful and sometimes painful thing called Life.

Do you want to get to the end of your life and say, "Well I just got by."
If you keep ED in your back pocket for just in case, you will just get by. Real recovery comes from fully surrendering. From fully saying, "I will do whatever it takes to do this." Then, listening to the experts (ie; your treatment team) and doing what they tell you to do. Without full surrender, without finally admitting you are powerless to your addiction, you will continue to walk the line. You will continue to play the game and continue to live life on the edges.

Ask yourself;
1. Am I walking the line?
2. Am I keeping ED in my back pocket for just in case?
3. Do I think I can just "do better" instead of listening to those who are advising me?
4. Am I afraid of these words, "ED not an option!"

Ask yourself those questions and even talk to your therapist about it. The ONLY way to stop walking the line, is to step off of it. Step off into the side of recovery. This is only done through FULL surrender and admitting powerlessness. Then reaching out for help. Stepping over the line is worth it! I would never step back. But, ultimately the choice is YOURS.

What are you going to do?

Lee

Joy Journal

I used to journal every day. I would journal my thoughts, my prayers, and mostly my worries. Now, my writing has taken place of the journaling. But what I do like to do now is make Joy Journals!

I encourage the patients to keep a joy journal while in treatment! Days can go by and you think you aren't making progress...but usually you are! With all the work done in treatment sometimes it can feel daunting and overwhelming. Sometimes even impossible!  I encourage the joy journal so you can see the small steps you are making towards recovery! For parents, a joy journal is so helpful to keep you encouraged! 

What is a Joy Journal?

A journal that keep by your bed, and you write in every night. It doesn't have to be long paragraphs or dramatic stories, just a few good things that happened during the day. Moments where ED didn't win! Moments that made you stop and smile. Moments that bring you JOY! Simple things you notice throughout the day. Do it right before bed, and then hopefully it will lead your pre-sleep thoughts into a good place!

From the people I know who have tried the Joy Journal...they always report a positive reaction from doing it. It is something simple and easy to do...so why not give it a try? And let me know how it goes! 

Happy Living!

Lee 

True Campaign

Hi! I can't believe it has been so long since I have written here! I am so sorry! I have been writing, just not here :).

I finally completed a first draft of my memoir Accidental Peace and now am revising it. Then I will write a second draft. Phew 5 years of work and it is still not done. 

After the NEDA conference, my husband Chris and I decided to really dive in to the writing of our story in a book called True Companion. So I have been writing there too. 

And with my work at the Melrose Institute, raising three boys, and avoiding the H1N1..well there just hasn't been much more time! : ( 

But, I was recently asked to be a guest blogger on the True Campaign site and I want to direct you there. If you are an activist or would like to get more involved in fighting eating disorders, stigma surrounding body image, and disordered eating...this is the place for you!

You can read my article and check out the organization here:

TRUE CAMPAIGN

Thanks for reading!

Lee