You, Me, and ED

What do you need? (more sun block?)

The comments from my last post inspired me write more on sun block! Thank you for all the wonderful comments!

A few of you mentioned how many times your sun block (i.e.: what keeps you from protected from Ed) is to find out what you need! How you are really feeling!

There are two acronyms that I find helpful. So add these to your sun block list if you don't already have them. These are great for parents as well who do the Maudsley Approach. You can ask you son or daughter these questions when they are struggling!

When you are struggling with Ed, say, "HALT"

Am I Hungry?

Am I Angry?

Am I Lonely?

Am I Tired? 

Only one of these deals with FOOD! The others require different actions to fill the need. If you ask this question...you might find, "Hey...I am tired. I just need to go to bed!" "Hey I am angry! I need to talk to someone!" "Hey I am lonely! I need to call a friend!" This is a great way to interrupt symptoms and find what you really need.

Another great one is the STOP method.

You say STOP. That is the "S" part.

"T" is ...I am having the thought that______________(fill in thought). Usually it is an eating disorder thought or a negative thought about self. 

Which brings us to the "O" and that stands for Other. You find a thought that is opposite the thought. (If you know Dialectical Behavior Therapy this falls in the category of "opposite action”) Here is an example;

I am having the thought that, "I don't deserve to eat." You replace that thought with another thought..."Everyone deserves to eat. My body needs food. I will follow my meal plan and give my body what it needs!" 

And the "P" is for praise. You praise yourself for fighting Ed! "Good Job _____(insert your name here)."

During so much of the battle we forget to praise ourselves for working so hard. Please don't forget the P!!

So there are two cool things you can add to your sun block! Let me know how it goes! 

Happy Living

Lee Blum

Sun block!

It is middle of May in Minnesota and the weather is forecasted to be 97 degrees? How is that possible in the land of frozen lakes and bone chilling winters?Nevertheless it is time to pull out the sunscreen. I lathered the greasy stuff on the bridges of three boys’ noses, their paper white cheeks, and arms.

Sunblock.

I am the one on the left...with the burn lines (hard to really see in this photo). My sister is the taller & tanner one next to me.

When I was a child we didn’t carry sunblock, just Solarcaine.

The stuff to help ease the pain of sunburn. Sunshine and warm weather brings a fair skinned blondie like myself many memories of painful days of burnt skin followed by a spray down of solarcain to ease the pain. As I got older I began to get sun poisoning on the areas that had been burnt too much. Sun poisoning feels like a million little bugs biting your skin. It is an awful feeling. And yet, I would go out in the sun and think, "Aww it won't happen this time?" Really? I was always proven WRONG! And paid for it after! 

As I approach the young age (LOL) of 37 you would think I would be adamant about wearing sunblock? Right? Well, most of the time…yes. I am. But, it has taken me a gaggle of years to finally have radical acceptance that I will never be the bronzed tan girl I wish to be. I do not have that type of skin. No matter how much I try or wish or lather Coppertone on my skin to "promote color", I will not turn brown. I just turn red as a tomato.

Why am I talking about sun block?

Because recovery from an eating disorder is similar to my sun block struggles. You see, many times I hear patients say, “Well they can diet…why can’t I? Well she works out like that…. why can’t I? Well …they skip meals and do fine…why can’t I?”

Sound familiar?

I tell you why. Because they don’t have an eating disorder! Does this mean that you will have an eating disorder the rest of your life? No. But you have to learn to wear your sun block. And until you realize that your issues are not like the other girl or guy you compare yourself too, you will continue to get sunburnt! You have to wear your sun block. You have a choice protect your recovery. Just like I have the choice to protect my skin.

How do you do this? Well for everyone it is different, because each eating disorder has his or her own struggles and triggers. I can share with you what has worked for me and then you can come up with your own “recovery protection” plan.

I protect my recovery by refusing to believing I am immune from ever struggling again, but that I have the power to do whatever I can to make sure that doesn’t happen. I do this by knowing what triggers me. You see alcoholics do this! Some resolve to never drinking anything alcoholic because it might send them back down that road. 

That is their sun block. 

For others a drink here or there works. Some commit to going to AA the rest of their life as their sun block. Each has to search their soul and learn what types of sun block they need to live a life of recovery.

Knowing what sends me spinning and working to stay away from those things is my sun block. I work to fill my mind with things that are life giving, books, and movies, TV shows. And I stay away from things that fill my mind with ideas and/or make me feel less than. I continue to make sure never to skip meals. Ever. Sure, some people can skip meals and not end up with an eating disorder, and skipping one meal won’t send me back. 

BUT, why risk it? 

By never skipping meals I am protecting myself from the downward spiral of disordered eating. Another example; Just as I had a habit of reading labels…I now have a habit of NOT reading them. My eyes divert away just as quickly as they used to divert too the list of numbers (something that always caused an emotional reaction from me). Now NOT looking is habit.

I am careful to surround myself with people who are life giving (vs. Life Sucking) and rarely if ever talk about food, body, and or dieting.

So these are just some of the ways that I wear my sun block and protect my recovery. Really you have a choice on your path to recovery. You can continue to wish you had the darker skin, or you can radically accept your struggles, what triggers you, and learn to incorporate your sun block wearing techniques into your life! Stop comparing your recovery to others…find what works for you..and in that you will stay away from getting burnt! 

What is your sun block? I would love to know!

Happy Living!

Lee 

Most of you have probably seen the Susan Boyle Britain's Got Talent audition. If not, please watch it here. 

Susan Boyle  

Then watch Paul Potts from last year.

Paul Potts

I listen to Paul Pott's CD all the time because of his beautiful voice. I will do the same with her.

These amazing people motivate and inspire me. What has inspired me with both of them is their humility and willingness to give it a shot. To not be afraid to follow their dreams.

What apparently inspires the world is that they don't fit our American mold of looks. Why, when Susan walks out on the stage does she get immediate criticism? Why does the judge say in her Barbie looking face..."we were all against you?" And with Paul the other Barbie judge says, "A lump of coal turned into a diamond."

Why do the "pretty people" believe they have the right to say things like that! How rude! And...Why is Susan Boyle's audition the most viewed youtube yet? Is it because of her amazing angel-like voice? I would like to think so. But, I think it is because she doesn't "look" like she will sing like that. I have to be honest...I thought something similar. 

And shame on me! Shame on all of us! 

But, I quickly fell in love with her spunky personality and her humility. And...of course her amazing voice! I hope she stays true to herself and doesn't let the world tell her who to be! She is an example of someone who's inside makes her BEAUTIFUL on the outside. I wish we all would throw away our judgments and learn to love people for who they are...more than what they look like!

Happy Living!

Lee 

 

Letters

I am writing a book called "True Companion." The book tells the story from both my perspective and my husband's perspective of Ed. We were dating when I was deep in my struggle with an eating disorder.

The other day I was sorting through a box of his letters, attempting to find my letters to him deep within the pile of love letters. I was finally at the end of the crumpled mess of paper when I found four small sheets of white paper.

He wasn't sure if he had saved it. 

He said he couldn't remember if he had. 

He did. And here it was.

These were the letters I left to my friends and family when I felt like giving up. I slowly unfolded the paper and read the dark words. Words written from my own hands while I was suffocating in darkness. Above me, the sounds of my three boys crashing monster trucks into the wall echoes through the walls. 

Now ...All I could think about was this...I would have missed this.

Later that evening I sobbed tears of joy as my husband of 13 years held me in his arms. I was telling him of the letters and both of us cried. Tears of unexplainable grace. Tears of love. 

I am telling you this because I want you to know there IS HOPE!! Lately I have been feeling despondent. Frustrated by those trapped in their eating disorders and feeling hopeless about their recovery. I can get sucked in; as well to thinking there isn't any hope. 

But, I know PERSONALLY that there is! People do come out of the darkness. People CAN live life on the other side of it. I am a living example that it CAN happen. The joy of hearing my children laugh, feeling their hugs, or looking into their eyes...is a daily reminder of this hope. And every day I am struck by the thought that I would have missed this! All of it! 

Had I stayed in the darkness of Ed I would have missed the real roller coaster of life. And I am beyond grateful that I got a second chance. So, I urge you...if you are trapped in that dark pit. Reach out, ask for help, and be HONEST about your struggles. And believe what I am saying...that there is hope. It starts with taking that first step out of the pit. And you get there ONE STEP AT A TIME!! 

It is possible dear friends. It IS possible! 

Prayers for the Battle

This is from a book called Guerrilas of Grace - Prayers for the Battle. 

I love this prayer!

Lee

 

Help Me to Believe in Beginnings 

God of history and my heart, 

So much has happened to me during these whirlwind days: 

I’ve known death and birth; 

I’ve been brave and scared; 

I’ve hurt, I’ve helped; 

I’ve been honest, I’ve lied; 

I’ve destroyed, I’ve created; I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely; 

I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed; 

I’ve decided, I’ve waffled; 

I’ve laughed and I’ve cried. 

You know my frail heart and my frayed history— 

And now another day begins. 

O God, help me to believe in beginnings.

And in my beginning again, 

No matter how I’ve failed before. 

Help me to make beginnings: 

To begin going out of my weary mind Into fresh dreams, 

Daring to make my own bold tracks In the land of now; 

To begin forgiving That I may experience mercy; 

To begin questioning the unquestionable 

That I may know truth; 

To begin discipling 

That I may create beauty; 

To begin sacrificing 

That I may accomplish justice; 

To begin risking That I may make peace; 

To begin loving That I may realize joy Help me be a beginning for others, 

To be a singer to the songless, 

A storyteller to the aimless, 

A befriender of the friendless; 

To become a beginning of hope for the despairing 

Of assurance for the doubting, 

Of reconciliation for the divided; 

To become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed, 

Of comfort for the sorrowing, 

Of friendship for the forgotten; 

To become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn, 

Of sweetness for the soured, 

Of gentleness for the angry, 

Of wholeness for the broken, 

Of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth. 

Help me to believe in beginnings, 

To make a beginning 

To be a beginning.

Sot that I may not just grow old, 

But grow new Each day of this wild, amazing life You call me to live!!

Phoenix Rising

I found this on a website called www.dailywisdom.com I believe it to be applicable to ALL of us in these tough times. Enjoy :)

Lee

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Phoenix Rising    - March 03, 2009

Phoenix, an old bird, lived in the desert. He thought life had always been cruel to him. His lovers had turned on him. His wealth had never materialized and every day was a new insult.

When the sun rose, he was at his maximum rage. "The sun shines to mock me," he cried. "It blinds and bakes me. It dries away the water and drives away all other life. I have no companionship."

Nearby, a scorpion paused to listen. "Stand in the shade of the cliffs," the scorpion instructed. "Drink from the springs in the caves. Also, say 'Good morning' once in a while."

Phoenix became so enraged that he burst into flames and fell to dust. A few moments later he rose again. "You are another curse on me," the bird spat. "You only tell me these things to anger me to the point of self destruction."

The scorpion leapt upon the bird and stung him until he exploded. The bird screeched,"Why did you do that?"

"To show you a lesson; how your anger hurts you more than it does me," the scorpion said.

Angry and confused, Phoenix demanded, "Can't you see what a horrible life the creator has given me? I have been cursed to die a thousand deaths."

"I would gladly change places," exclaimed the scorpion.

"What do you mean?" demanded the bird.

The scorpion explained, "I am filled with poison, but so are you. My poison kills, but once. From yours you yourself die a thousand deaths. You have a soul filled with anger and hatred. Yet, the creator has given you eternal life. You think his gift is a curse. It is not. Your power to regenerate was not given so that you could survive self destruction. You could die for your beliefs and rise again. You could give love to the world until you fall to ashes and then rise again to greater acts of glory. What a gift!

All was silent. Phoenix flew into the sky. As if for the first time he saw the colors of the earth below. He heard the hum of insects, felt the thrill of the wind. "Forgive me," the bird cried.

Phoenix exploded and then rose again.

The bird looked around and saw green fields. The scorpion was gone and in its place sat a small dove.

"Where did the scorpion and the desert go?" Phoenix asked.

The bird stretched its wings. "I am here. The desert is here too, beneath the meadow. It is all in the way you chose to view it. You have simply chosen a new way."

Distressed, Phoenix asked, "Will I ever go back to the desert?"

His companion shrugged. "Every day you chose where you awake: the desert or the meadow? You will choose the way you see your fellows: scorpions or doves."

"But I only want to live in the meadow with the doves," worried Phoenix.

The dove smiled, "Then by all means, do."

*********

Contributed by Lisa Suhay (Copyright (c) Lisa Suhay)

Lisa Suhay is a freelance writer who lives in Medford, New Jersey. Her work appears regularly in the Philadelphia Inquirer and Newark Star-Ledger.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week!

This week is Eating Disorders Awareness Week!

Last night at the family and friends support group we were discussing the stigma around eating disorders. Why is it when a family member has cancer...we usually share it with our community. Yet, when a loved one has an eating disorder, it is kept a secret?

I am not one to talk either. When I was sick I made my parents PROMISE not to let anyone know where I was or what I was doing. I was in the hospital. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed that I couldn't "JUST EAT!" My family didn't know anyone who had struggled with an eating disorder so they kept it quiet too.

In hindsight, many many friends have told me how hurtful and difficult it was to not know where I was, to not know if I was ok, and that I wouldn't let them in. Some were so hurt that our friendship died and the hurt was never resolved. 

Fourteen years later...I have a new perspective. You cannot keep this a secret. You have to tell your closest friends, your family needs to reach out, and it doesn't need to be shameful! What I have found  is that when you share with others...many times they will say "I have a sister, a friend, a daughter who is struggling too!" We need to reach out. We need to walk in community! We need to stop making eating disorders a secretive disease!

So I encourage you this week as we raise awareness and prevention for eating disorders - to talk about it! Stop hiding! Addictions feed off of secret keeping! And if you are struggling...please reach out and get some help! There is hope. There are so many resources now than ever before! 

It is my hope and dream that one day the rate of eating disorders will begin dropping. It is my hope and dream that the stigma around this disease will no longer exist. It is my hope and dream that the rate of recovery from eating disorders will begin to RISE!

 It all starts with YOU! One person at a time gathering together in community to work like HELL to fight this disease! We can do it!

Lee

If you live in Minnesota we are having a special event on Friday night for family and friends...check it out here:ED AWARENESS WEEK

Also - less than three weeks away and the new Melrose Institute will open (where I work) Check out this beautiful new building here: Melrose Institute

Slow Fade

Eating Disorders do not happen overnight. 

Over and over the repetitive actions become habit. 

Those habits when combined with a genetic predisposition and a need to cope can lead to full blown addiction. An addiction to numbing out.

Recently I heard this song by Casting Crowns called Slow Fade. I thought it spoke well to how things happen in our lives. I don't struggle with eating disorder issues  anymore, but I am not immune to slowly fading into pits that I don't want to be in. To slowly fading into gossiping too much or not standing up for my own values. To slowly fading into losing sight of my goals and dreams.

Geese...I am guilty of slowly fading into un-necessary yelling at my children and I wake up and go..."What am I doing? How did I get here?"

Here are a few words from this song;

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

The words hit so home in so many ways. How about with you? Can you see how the eating disorder or any other habit or addiction seems to come in quietly until the slow fade..

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Something to think about. For all of us.

 

Lee 

Lee's 2009 Speaking Schedule

Here is what I have on the agenda for 2009. 

If you would like to have me come speak at your school or church, you can contact me at clmblum6@yahoo.com. References are available upon request.

****

January 23rd 2009- Shattuck St. Marys High School and Junior High in Fairbault Minnesota

From Body Loathe to Body Looooove

February 9th, 2009 - Health Educator and Physical Education Conference

Eating Disorders presented by Park Nicollet Melrose Institutes Health Educators Lee Bum and Liz Bergren

February 23-27 2009 - Eating Disorder Awareness Week! 

February 27th at Methodist Hospital St. Louis Park MN,

Hosting Family and Friends event- Buddy Howard author and speaker on eating disorders.

April 8th - MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Burnsville, Minnesota

Roller Coasters and Body Image  - My own personal story

March 6th 2009 - St. Paul Academy and Summit School (Upper School)

Media and Body Image - Title TBD

Fall of 2009 - Park Nicollet Melrose Institute (where I work) will be hosting the NEDA 2009 Conference! More details to come! 

Along a dusty road...

Along a dusty road in India there sat an old beggar who sold cocoons. A curious young boy watched him from a distance day after day. Unexpectedly the beggar beckoned to him: "Do you know what beauty lies within this ugly chrysalis? I will give you one so that you might see for yourself. But you must be careful not to handle the cocoon until the butterfly emerges."

The boy was enchanted with his gift and hurried home to await the butterfly. He laid the cocoon on the floor and became aware of a strange thing. The hidden butterfly was beating its fragile wings against the hard wall of the chrysalis. It appeared it would surely perish before it could break the unyielding prison. Wanting to only help, the boy impulsively pried the cocoon open. Out flopped a wet, brown, ugly thing which quickly died.

The boy sadly returned to tell his story. When the beggar discovered what had happened, he quietly explained to the boy: "in order for the butterfly's wings to grow strong enough to support, it is necessary that it beat them against the walls of the cocoon. Only by this struggle can its wings become durable and beautiful. When you denied that struggle, you took away its only chance for survival."

The young boy had been taught a very valuable lesson: "May the walls of your cocoon be just thick enough to allow you to struggle just long enough to emerge the beautiful person you are designed and destined to be." 

For parents - "May you make the walls of your children's cocoon thick enough for them to struggle just long enough to emerge as the beautiful person they are designed and destined to be."