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April 02, 2012

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leanonme

Thanks Johanna for the insight about this book. I read a bit about it and am thinking it will be very interesting to read. Fascinating stuff.I love all your pearls of wisdom and ( food ) for thought. I always love when you check in with new stuff.

Traci

I have seen recently how much my eating disorder is taking away from my life - including the energy and enthusiasm to give myself to the things I love. And I love to teach - to interact with students and find ways to support them and help them understand. So, Johanna, thank you for this post and the reminder that my creativity is something so special and so important . . . and something I need - my eating disorder is just the opposite!
P.S. - I already bought the e-book to read!

Laura R

Thinking about you Super Egg.

leanonme

What is it that YOU Imagine????

without bounderies, without obsticals, without judgement???

Laura R

Leanonme - is that a question to us or maybe an endorsement of the book? Also, I just read that the author is going to be speaking near me this week! Maybe I'll try to go.

leanonme

Hey Laura R.
NOpe not an endorsement, just wondering what goes on in all your little heads. Hee hee.
R U going to go see the author speak? That would be fun i think.

Traci

Well, I would add - without expectations ... and then I think I would imagine myself as a much more confident person who embraces life and is energized to be part of it.

Laura R

Without doubt...I imagine a future where I am not afraid to take risks and I enjoy dreaming big and exploring new things. In this vision I'm assertive, and I'm not terrified of making a mistake, and I don't let people push me around or shame me (lots of that going on at work right now).

Traci

I was thinking about Leanonme's question to all of us again - about using creativity to imagine what we could be without the reins of our eating disorder (just paraphrasing - but I hope that's what you meant!) - because my nutritionist asked me to do "non-food homework" (as in not a goal for eating "x" or increasing calories etc) and, instead, write about my fantasy food life. So I thought about how food would support my creativity and support the life I could imagine that did not involve anxiety, fear, obsessiveness, etc around food.
Anyway, just another reason that Johanna's (creative!) posts make us think about how to re-frame our thoughts :)

Laura R

Traci - That sounds like a cool assignment. Fantasy food life as in eating a lovely dinner with your best friends after a day of exploring Paris together...or stopping to make a sandwich before you finish painting your next masterpiece...or being a contestant on Top Chef? :)

leanonme

I dont imagine things pretaining to food. Causes too much anxiety. Infact imagining,wanting etc causes me tons of anxiety. I can and do Wish sometimes. Maybe it is my way of flying under the radar. In some ways it feels a bit more safe. Somehow outside myself, allowing there to be less guilt or judgement. I dont know. Sometimes my brain gets tangled up and then i shut all doors to posibility. I know i posed the question about imagination, I guess i am inquizitive and envious of other people's freedom.
Glad that it makes you all think and post about your experienc

Traci

Laura R - You were much more creative in your fantasy food ideas than I was :) I did write about wanting to make memories with my family - like being excited to experience a good meal at a restaurant somewhere. Overall, I guess I wrote about my emotions around food - just feeling like eating was normal, a necessary part of life, and something that didn't have to be so scary. But now you've made me want to dream bigger!!!

Leanonme - Imagining anything about food seems extremely unreal/not possible for me right now too. I literally cannot even speak about foods in front of other people, or sometimes even listen to others talking about food. For some reason, I feel like I can't and/or shouldn't do that . . . so I do understand that need to feel safe and not push the edge that causes anxiety.

I actually think that my fear of being creative or doing anything "outside" of anything that may cause change is a huge obstacle for me in my recovery. Change is so hard for me that I am terrified to try new things, think about ways my life can be better, etc. because then I would lose control of the last sense of structure and safety I have.

Anyway, just talking aloud tonight. I am in a tough place right now as my treatment team is still recommended more intensive, residential treatment. It terrifies me, but I have been working on making contacts with various treatment centers. So far, none of them are in-network with my insurance, and I truly don't know if I can financially handle paying more than I make in a year as a teacher.

Laura R

Traci - Way to go girl for making contact w/treatment centers. Sorry the insurance thing is getting in your way. You get tons of credit just for making the calls...total bravery!

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