"Just Because I Want To" is enough of a reason.
And its related Bumper Sticker: "Just Because It's Right for Me" is enough of a reason.
I was talking to someone the other day who has spent her entire life coming up with lists and lists of reasons, reason after reason, to justify every single thing she does- will society be approving? will my mother be approving? does my friend want me to do it? does my salamander think I should? will so and so be pissed off?.... on and on.... But never once had she asked herself, simply, "do I want it?" and left it at that.
We had such an interesting conversation about this. About the idea that Just Because She Wants To is sufficient reason to pursue something. Her eyes lit up and she got all excited at the idea that simply her wanting to was enough, that she didn't need a thousand other "real" or "valid" or "worthy" reasons and/or justifications to pursue something- it's enough only to know if she wants to.
She couldn't wait to take this idea out for a test drive after we talked about it. The concept just seemed so freeing, so simple, so uncomplicated, so light.... so, well, just so easy and fun.
We both agreed it would make a good post... so, here it is, in Bumper Sticker form :)
Try it out. I think you'll love the idea- you know, after you get used to it, and learn to believe it's true, and learn to trust that you deserve it.... and all that good stuff :)
=^,,^=
Posted by: Super Egg | May 23, 2010 at 09:55 PM
For me, the "related bumper sticker" in this post actually shows up, unannounced, all by itself, if "just because I want to" is in play. All of a sudden, wanting to do something that's "right for me," "right for my body," "right for my heart" shows up....it's a little nerve wracking (it's like 100 time bigger, somehow, to my nerves, than "because I want to"), but pretty cool to slowly try.
Posted by: Pauses4paws | May 24, 2010 at 08:48 AM
Thank you.
I do want to feel my emotions, and not to rely on the eating disorder to survive emotionally. It is hard to do this in the face of others who don't seem to understand, and it makes me doubt myself. However, I really DO want this, and it IS freeing to know that I can choose what I believe is healthy JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO! (I kind of feel like yelling it from a mountaintop!)
Thinking about this also made me think about my tattoo. Just over a week ago, I got a tattoo to celebrate recovery. I designed it myself a year ago, and have been wanting to get it for a very long time. Each part of it is extremely meaningful to me. I put it on my hip, a place where I have always body checked, so that I will see it every time I dress and be reminded of my commitment to love my body. While I am proud of the accomplishments of graduation and athletics and academic awards, these things all came relatively easily. Recovery has been what I have had to cry over, truly struggle with, learn to ask for help with, and be completely vulnerable for the past 8 years. My therapist and my parents supported my decision to get the tattoo. I was excited to show the tattoo to an aunt with whom I am very close. Her reaction made me feel that I had disappointed her. This made me question my decision for a few days, but I also came to realize that the tattoo means a huge amount to me, and that is enough of a reason for me to embrace it. I can have it "because I want to" and because it is "right for me".
Somehow, these statements all feel very selfish. I've felt selfish at many times throughout recovery for focusing on myself. And yet, I am choosing to trust that it might actually be okay to be selfish in this way.
Posted by: runforjoy | May 24, 2010 at 01:12 PM
The bumper sticker and this idea make me very anxious I have to say.I cant even really think too much about it before all the what if's bombard me.I guess the idea of " just because I want to" seems so undefind, risky, and i feel threatened at the reprecutions of my actions. I dont even want to want because it may result in my world falling apart.I dont know i dont think deep within myself that i do deserve to have or do something just because i want to. I wish i believed it but i guess i need some more work in this area.Now i wish i were able to talk to my T because im panicing.Now i have myself in a tail spin, Everything is feeling so uncertain and dangerous. Im going to try now to remember the things that are stable in my life. Breath.........
Oh and Runforjoy i wish we had pic's on this blog as i would love to see this tatoo. It sounds like alot of thought and meaning went into this decision.
Posted by: leanonme | May 24, 2010 at 10:41 PM
"Just because I want to" is so incredibly liberating. I bought a painting a few weeks ago that I love. I knew at the time that my mother would hate it and spent ages agonizing about whether I had bought something "ugly". It's so hard to trust myself that it's okay to buy it because _I_ like it. Even if others hate it doesn't mean it was a bad decision. I've always had difficulty with the idea of 'taste'. I always figure that what I like will be the wrong thing, the ugly thing, the stupid thing. Anyways, this bumper sticker really resonated with me.
Posted by: Sarah | May 28, 2010 at 08:48 PM
I saw a bumper sticker on my way to work this morning and thought of the blog and you all.
" The only Constant is Change "
Oh man thats all i have to say ;)
Posted by: leanonme | June 01, 2010 at 07:25 PM