concealing and revealing true beauty

I'm glad you guys like the True Beauty post.

I have so much fun seeing true beauty in my clients. What's extra fun is watching their true beauty come to life over time.

It's an amazing process, observing as someone who has felt she has to conceal herself in life, to hide herself, over time learn to feel safe enough to reveal her true self.

And just as it's a process for my clients, it's a process for me. I noticed early on as a therapist that when I met a new client I'd often feel disconnected, bored, and even have trouble staying awake. I thought I must be a lousy therapist (and you guys are probably a bit worried about my competency at this point also!!). Then I figured out what was actually going on.

Because the new client was so concealed, from herself and from the world, she was also concealed (and therefore disconnected) from me. And because she was so disconnected from herself and from me, I couldn't reach her. I couldn't begin to get to know her. She could talk fine and think fine, and she was obviously very bright. But she didn't seem entirely real somehow.

She seemed somehow a shadow of herself, or synthetic in some way.

Because I couldn't figure out any way of making a true connection with her, I would begin to feel disconnected and synthetic also. The boredom wasn't due to being actually bored- it was a result of not being able to connect. And the exhaustion was due to me wearing myself out trying to form a connection with someone who was unavailable- because she was so afraid to show up in the world and had therefore been investing a TON of energy in concealing herself.

Then, much to my relief, and eventually hers, as she began to feel safe enough to being to reveal herself, I'd being to be able to truly reach her and form a connection. And much to my relief as a clinician, as she became her true self, I found I was never, not for even a second, bored or tired.

It's an incredible joy to watch someone's true self and true beauty emerge. And one of the really, really fabulous things is that true beauty isn't transient, it's not temporary... it's not dependent upon anything like weight, make-up, hairstyle, body shape or size. money, what kind of clothes you wear or car you drive... true beauty is a permanent thing. Yay for true beauty, and for the fact that it can be coaxed to emerge, even after a long time of being in hiding!

Comments

[Ann]

Is it possible to display just a glimmer of our true beauty and then reverting to concealing it again. I feel like over my 8 or more years with this ED, there's been a couple times when there was just a glimmer of my true self present. And then something happened, something changed and I hid again. Does that make sense?

[Super Egg]

well i do get bored if there is no connection. i guess that is a bit black and white of me.

[wendy]

I know when I first started counseling, I did not think there was anything left to me but the disorder...I love to write and my therapist and I talked about writing my story and I told her one time I had come up with some potential titles for my story...one of them was "Will the Real Wendy Please Stand Up." I think the saddest part for people who have been wounded and develop eating disorders isn't just the disconnect from others, but the disconnect from ourselves.