Our Bumper Sticker this week is provided to us by Tiger, and it's a fabulous one: Everything in Life is About Relationship.
I can see a lot of eye-rolling going on out there!
But humor me for a second here. Think about it-everything we do is in relationship. As I write this post I'm in relationship with you guys, with my computer, with my trusty mug of coffee, with myself, with my office... with EVERYTHING! There's no escaping it- and that's not a bad thing, by the way! It's the way of the world, and it's a way we are connected into the the world.
It's also why, although yogurt doesn't speak, you can certainly have a stare down confrontation with it as it sits there quietly on the table! You are for sure in relationship with that yogurt- and it's a pretty darn contentious one if you're having a stare down with it!
Think about it right now- what are you in relationship with right this second?
I can see why depressed people can't do anything. Relationships are too dawnting so it would make sense then that everything would be too dawnting.
This is a tough one to wrap my head around though because while a mug of coffee brings me joy in the morning, I don't bring anything to the coffee. Aren't relationships two way streets?
I could understand if you would say we are all intertwined or something more scientific sounding but in relationship, this is a little far fetched to me. I guess I'll keep thinking.
Posted by: Courtney | March 15, 2010 at 09:39 AM
ok johanna this is going to be a strange question. but that is what is so great about blogs...my question can just go away if it is too "out there." i find it amazing that many of the people that write in (including myself) do this fabulous job of taking care of others, their jobs, life, the whole package. but then there seems to be very little left over for any type of self care. and i have been thinking about this 4 awhile. we don't know how to care 4 ourselves, but we do it all day long for others. so what is going on here? why is this theme constant? and if we wanted to give ourselves an ounce of self care, what does that look like? r we trying to just avoid it because it is just too much? i personally have such a wall there i can't think past it. if this is totally lame just move on. ^..^
Posted by: Super Egg | March 15, 2010 at 10:56 AM
What Courtney said. Also, I can relate to my yogurt, protein shake, whatever, but it isn't relating to me, so then isn't it not a relationship?
Posted by: Tiger | March 15, 2010 at 01:26 PM
Super Egg, I totally feel what you're saying and understand why you're asking it. Why is it so difficult for us to give ourselves the self-care that we deserve. (Okay, the we deserve part was hard to write, not because I don't believe 100% that you all deserve to take care of yourselves, cause I totally believe that, but because "we" implies "me") That's I guess another one of those self-care things and maybe I need to be looking at this whole relationship thing in respect to having a healthy relationship with myself. Then maybe the self-care thing would follow after that, maybe. Thoughts?
Posted by: Ann | March 15, 2010 at 01:39 PM
yeah ann, 4 real, let's see what our teacher has to say...
Posted by: Super Egg | March 15, 2010 at 04:05 PM
Speaking of stare downs with yogurts.... I had a stare down with a yogurt today... with a therapist watching. Lol - no joke.
Anyway - this blog is so relevant to things in my life right now. So much of the effort I'm putting into my life right now has to do with developing and nurturing already existant relationships. Romantic relationships, friendships of all degrees, etc.
i like the soccer ball analogy because it makes me feel okay about wanting to take things slowly in intimate relationships... because I can justify it... like "um! hello! no, I am still feeling out panel 1 thank you.... what? have you like not heard about the soccer ball analogy of relationships! OMG! Well you, man, are like jumping from panel 1 to 4... either that our our panel 1s look way different." No, the guy I went on a date with was not at all trying to jump to panel 4... but sometimes I make up the expectation that I'm supposed to go faster than I want to. (THis is part of the reason I have never dated before... b/c I'm afraid to go faster than I want to).... but this soccer ball thing is making me think that I never have to go faster than I want to. The only expectation is: Explore current panel." And if that panel does not include sexual things, that's fine. If that panel does not include "call every day" that's fine.
This is not making sense, and I don't feel like trying to be more articulate...
kay, i'm being silly...
and... thoughtless comment over.
Posted by: Laura | March 15, 2010 at 10:57 PM
For me the relationship with myself had to change in order to survive and in order to get healthy. I had to begin to change the way I felt and believed in order to change the way I related to myself. I did not nurture or take care of myself until I begin to change the self contempt and quit judging myself as a person who was defective and should not take up space or food or get the rest that I needed. My therapist asked me many times what I needed to do to take care of myself in different situation and that helped me to change to the point I will think of it myself sometimes. It helped also to realize that there is a difference in being self aware and being self centered and narcisstic and realizing that when I take care of me I have more to give out of love rather than obligation or being a martyr.
I think food and coffee does give to us...nourishment or caffine which helps to wake us up. :) Nature provides me with enjoyment...love being outside!
Posted by: wendy | March 16, 2010 at 07:11 AM
I just have to share that I had such a good day today! I ate really well and I had lots of fun at school today, it's been really really beautiful outside, which made me even happier. I was so hyper for group, before it started I had everyone rolling, it was awesome :) I love laughing soo stinking much, I should totally do it more often. Today's theme is "I'm so excited and I just can't hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!" :)
Posted by: Ann | March 17, 2010 at 06:10 PM
YEAH ANN!
Posted by: wendy | March 17, 2010 at 06:46 PM
Ann, that is SO fantastic! Way to take it in and recognize your successes!
Laura, I wanted to let you know that what you wrote makes TOTAL sense to me! You actually helped me understand some feelings I have too. I love the confidence in your tone! I've also avoided dating relationships for years due to fear that things would go too fast. But I really like the way you put it about exploring our panel 1s and seeing if they are way different or not. But if my panel 1 is different from a guy's, that doesn't mean I am wrong or need to change. And your comment about calling every day made me smile too! I can't stand being phone-stalked!
Posted by: runforjoy | March 17, 2010 at 08:27 PM
I agree that we can have relationships with food too!
I heard about a family therapy activity where there is a bunch of different foods laid out on the floor. Family members and those with an ED both write down their reactions to the foods they see. Family members tend to write something like "hm, there is a head of lettuce and some dressing and eggs-I'd make a salad" whereas someone with an eating disorder would write about how the different food items are scary or safe and have intense emotional reactions to the foods. When I heard this, I really connected because my family has no idea what went, and to some extent still goes on in my head around food.
I thought about this today, because I am traveling with my dad to look at grad schools. I really wanted to try deep dish pizza, something I haven't had in years and years, and is a huge "challenge food" for me. So we went out for it tonight. I think to him, pizza is just pizza, with no emotional connection. But for me, eating it was a triumph, a reclaiming of some of the joy and freedom the eating disorder had stolen from me. And mixed in with the pride was a good amount of fear and questioning too, with a constant dialogue in my head about whether I should eat it, how much of it to eat, etc. etc. etc. So, my relationship with the pizza tonight was very complex.
Posted by: runforjoy | March 17, 2010 at 08:43 PM
Oh my goodness everyone is making such amazing progress. I am so inspired and proud of you.
Runforjoy congrats on trying challenging foods and for applying to grad schools.
Ann Im so glad it was a fabulous day for you and you could savor those gifted moments.
And im just so impressed with everyones continuing bravery, in asking the questions that need to be asked, for taking recovery on as challenge, and for at least somewhere deep within each of you Knowing life beyond ED is worth it.
Posted by: leanonme | March 17, 2010 at 09:08 PM
Runforjoy, I was literally just thinking about you the other day, wondering where you had gone. I'm happy to "see" you back. (Maybe you've been here all along, but I was happy to see your comment)
Ann, YAY!!! I am happy just knowing that you had a happy day!
Posted by: Laura | March 17, 2010 at 09:22 PM
Johanna why is it so easy to be in relationship with somethings/some people and so difficult with others? Just wondering why some come with much more ease than others.
i like the bumper sticker but it leaves me with mixed emotions.
Posted by: leanonme | March 17, 2010 at 09:53 PM