the chicken and the egg

Yay, Ann! You have given us a way in here.

I know, I know, what the heck am I talking about! So... the chicken and the egg. Which comes first.

You know how I'm always spouting off about finding, and relying upon, evidence? Well, here's some more data for you to add into your database. 

Think about this: when people (all animals in fact) are born they are a clean slate. They're basic perspective is that they simply exist- they are just themselves. if all things go well (life is safe enough, benevolent enough, neutral enough...) they just continue on thinking they are themselves, and that they're normal and ok as beings.

It's only if something/s malevolent comes along and interrupts the normal process that an animal begins to doubt what he knows, doubt that he's normal and ok.

Part of the way into the closed feedback loop called "I'm a terrible person" is to go back to the beginning- to the point before something/s destructive and "doubt-forming" came along- to the point where all animals know instinctively that they are normal.

Now, I know what you're going to say... some of you are going to say "yeah, well what if I was born abnormal"

I'd be surprised if you didn't say something like that!!! I'd expect nothing less from you :) 

But just humor me and consider this a place to start. Give some thought to this. And Courtney, it's not a futile process. Do you really think I'd have remained a therapist for almost 20 years if it was impossible to help people see the reality that they are normal and ok human beings? It would be WAY too discouraging. So don't panic, this is doable... and it's especially doable when tackled in connection- not in isolation :) So here we are, working on it all together.

Comments

[Super Egg]

dude! go therapists of almost 20 years! way to rock it...

[Ann]

Its odd to me that everything that comes up in therapy ends up on the blog at the same time, not that I'm complaining or anything its just interesting. I've been in therapy for 3 years and have had 3 therapist and this past Wed. was the first time the underlying issue or the idea of how it all began came up.

I've been contemplating it all ever since then. I've not come up with anything yet, just more of the negative evidence or maybe I shouldn't put it that way, more evidence of how long I've been this way. I can think back 15-20 years, that's a long time, a long time to hate yourself.

My current T says we don't have the time to go into it. Our sessions will be ending the first week of May. Then I will be no longer in therapy. I'm beginning to dislike May. I know that this time the reason it has to end is because I'm graduating, but I feel like its evidence against who I am. What's it say about a person that therapists will only work with them for a year and no longer. That seems like some pretty strong evidence. I don't see why I should even bother trying to find another T.