soccer balls as roadmaps for relationships

Someone came in and asked me how she was supposed to figure out relationships. I had this image and it worked great for her, so I thought I'd share it with you guys.

This woman had endured a difficult break-up with a boyfriend and was busy looking back wondering what had gone wrong and if she could have seen the deterioration coming.

She was worried that she went either too fast or too slow in friendships and other types of relationships, and somehow missed important information about how the relationships were or weren't developing. 

I told her to imagine a soccer ball. You know how soccer balls are made up of a whole bunch of connected panels?

The idea here is that you pick one of the panels to represent the beginning of a relationship.

Relationships are built on "events" in which we collect data that tell us what to do next with regard to that relationship.

This soccer ball image is similar to our "flow chart" image as a way to do relationships (remember that one from months and months ago?). Both images are about sequentially collecting data each time you try something out in the relationship.

Say you're on you're soccer ball panel. You've decided to try something out with the other person to assess where you guys are in the relationship. For instance, you try telling the other person something about you- then you see how that person reacts. Her reaction gives you data that tells you if you should proceed with getting to know her, should avoid getting to know her, or should kind of stay where you are in relation to her and gather further information in order to help you make decisions about what to do next. 

The general idea here is to move from panel to panel as the relationship grows. I like the soccer ball image because the deal is you can only move from one panel to a next connected panel. It's not ok to skip over panels (like in checkers). If you skip over a panel you miss information you need to make decisions about what to do next in the relationship. If you stick to moving only by connected panel to connected panel you have the opportunity to collect as much data as is possible. 

This client liked the soccer ball image because it gave her a concrete way to envision a path she could follow, and it made her stop and think before she moved in relationships- so she could ask herself if she was about to skip a panel for example. She also liked that she could easily imagine the relationship growing as panel after panel became filled with data about the particular relationship. After awhile, she figured she'd have a whole soccer ball filled up that was made up of this data- and it would remind her that the relationship was built carefully, thoughtfully, and realistically over time- that it was real and that she could count on it.

So, try it out. See what you think. I'm always a fan of concrete images/ways to envision relationships developing.

Comments

[Super Egg]

that is a great image for this spring, when folks start to get out and kick the ball around. little do they know...we are all thinking about relationships as the ball whirls up and down the field. :)

[Pauses4paws]

Is there any way we can break down the panels so we can know what goes where? How do you tell if you're skipping over a panel if you don't have each panel defined? And how do I learn to define panels? Are they different in every relationship or are there "standard" panels and THEN "extra" panels depending upon what type of relationship is in play?

[Janis]

The soccer ball image is very helpful. I almost feel like I would need to complete each angle of each panel (each angle would represent a smaller portion of the entire panel...make sense?)before trusting the relationship to move forward. I have obvious trust issues :)

[Tiger]

I love this idea! Sometimes I struggle with these images, but I always learn from them. However, this one makes complete sense to me! (that may be contextual, though--I have a date--eeek!--on Friday.) It's a little bit scary to be in the world in a way where I know that I'm going to be a bit vulnerable. But, awesome at the same time.

[leanonme]

I really like this image also, It is very similar to something my T and i are working on right now.Challenging project to stay present and not let myself spin too far out which is what i am notorious for doing.

Jsnis im with you in needing to pay careful attention to each angle of the soccer ball patchwork.

Tiger Good luck on your date. It is very brave and exciting all at the same time. Let us know how this little project assists you in your relationship map.

Oh and one other thing than to thank Johanna for this image, Yes there is a soccer ball with pink and black.I have one and get this It Glows in the dark too :)