couple of things...

So, Paws, are you somehow actually thinking you're supposed to know how a relationship is going to turn out from the minute you begin it?

Really? Because there's no way to tell that, nor is anyone supposed to have the capacity to know that. The only way to see where a relationship is going to progress through assorted soccer ball panels and gather data. And, what's more, best best friend type relationships can take a long time to develop- (many, many soccer ball panels!). It's often not for awhile that you realize, hey, this person and I have gotten really close. And even then, you still don't know exactly what will happen 10 years from then.

The only way to develop relationships is to move through sequential soccer ball panels. That's the only way to do it. And, the good thing is, that's the best way to do it! 

And, Tiger, you get to be careful of this too. You don't need to know if you're ready for a romantic relationship when you go on this date. All you need to do is stay right in the present- remember you're on the very first soccer ball panel, just the very beginning... that's all you need to do. Hopefully, if you can let yourself just hang out on that first panel- without pushing yourself to go faster or farther along the panels- on that first date, maybe you'll be able to relax a bit and actually get to know this person a little (you know, without being totally a stress case and having no fun at all :) Best of luck and take what Laura said about thinking about boundaries and setting up the date the way it feels most comfortable for you to heart- it's great advice.

And finally for tonight, I have to happily say, Janis, your statement that you "don't do relationships" seems to be contradicted by the fact that you are in relationship with us on this blog. So there :)

Comments

[pauses4paws]

Okay, when you put it that way (which, I realize, is a good way to put it), I do sound a bit unrealistic about how to be in relationship! Taking me down the path helped me to see how my thinking/hoping to have a "panel plan" and method doesn't work in the real world of relationships. Would be nice to have them be very predictable but I get why they can't be. Thank you!

[Super Egg]

i think my slogan for the next week will be "i do relationships." scary, even very scary sometimes, but i just can't help myself. i do want to be in the world. doh!

[Janis]

Yay Super Egg...be proud of your willingness to be vulnerable...that shows confidence!! "Relationships" (according to Janis)->most often a feeling of social phobia which can be overwhelming at times:(

[wendy]

I understand that feeling Janis...my therapist encouraged me to be curious about other people in social settings instead of worrying about not fitting in, being socially defective, "too fat," etc. That really helped...I also try to look for someone who is sitting on the fringe instead of the person that has a lot of people around and try to just strike up a general conversation...the ones on the fringe are thankful as they seem to feel like I do about being there.