8 things to do to not absorb tension

The holidays can be a great time of year.

They can mean getting to see people we love, doing wintery things we can only do this time of year, observing traditions that may be dear to us...

The holidays can also mean stress. There's all the possible events, the changes in schedules, the variation in routine, family gatherings, lots of food...

There can be tension among people, as Runforjoy talks about. It's good to have some strategies to ward off stress/tension so we don't absorb it or take it on or try to fix things when that's not our responsibility (or even possible).

So, here's a little list, and hopefully you guys will have additional list items/ideas to add, so we can give Runforjoy, and everyone else, some good things to try.

1. remember the Serenity prayer- how we should invest energy where we truly have power to change/effect things, and not use up our precious energy when doing so is futile.

2. stay in close contact with friends and other support people. Tell them the truth about how you are.

3. remind yourself that your world is bigger than that moment/that situation- that your life includes more than what's going on right then and that whatever's going on right then is temporary (won't last forever).

4. try very, very hard to not take other peoples' interpersonal tension/issues personally. Both Ann and Runforjoy said they know their family's fighting has nothing to do with them. That's imperative to know, and important to keep reminding ourselves of- because the more time we spend exposed to fighting the more of a challenge it is to stay detached and take care of what we need to take care of and to not feel we "should" get involved.

5. take breaks from social situations- go outside for a couple minutes, or to a different room, or take a few hours and go meet a friend... you guys are creative- you'll come up with ways to get breaks in. You have to give yourself permission to take breaks though- otherwise you won't let yourselves do it (you'll think you "aren't supposed to" for some reason...).

6. keep notes- in a journal or on your phone... anywhere you want- about things you know to be true and things you want to remember- like: my parents fighting isn't my fault and it isn't my responsibility to resolve

7. text or call a friend when you're in the middle of social/family gatherings (as long as doing so isn't being rude or disrespectful :) This can help remind you not to fall into the "vortex of stress" your looking at, and that your life is bigger than just that moment.

8. our old stand-by that's a crucial one: BREATHE

The holidays are a terrific (and potentially challenging) time to practice recovery tools and use what we've learned about ourselves to keep ourselves healthy and true to ourselves. I know for people who suffer from eating disorders the holidays can be extra stressful. I encourage you guys to stay connected, stay in contact, be real, be honest, and remember you are part of a community and that you're not alone. We'll always keep our connection and conversation going here. 

Safe and hopefully peaceful holidays to all of you. 

Comments

[leanonme]

Thank you Johanna,

I just got back from Yoga so i did the Breathing,CHECK.I have quotes from my T on my fridge reminding me of the connection i have and the things i tend to forget like every other min.Hee,Hee. Lets see I have my team appointments scheduled even though the times are a bit different.CHECK. Ok so So far so good.
In addition Maybe

A glass of red wine!

Trying to remember to stay right in the moment.

Trying to remember that Christmas is not a "Norman Rockwell" painting for most anyone. Its a good fantasy though.

I will continue to think some more on this.And thank you for always having such a insightful blog. YOU ROCK!!!!

[wendy]

A joy list, could be another stress reducer. At the end of each days record what was good about today. I know I tend to focus on the negative unless I am looking for the joyful things. Especially during holidays and stressful times. :)

[leanonme]

I like this idea as well; Hee hee.

[Tiger]

This list is a great set of reminders. I need to work on being honest about how I am; this is a great struggle for me. Not only am I not honest with others, but I don't always know or want to know how I am, and of course, during the holidays, this is more difficult for me. I didn't clean my apartment to perfection before my father visited, but it was tidy, and he didn't say anything about it, but did the dinner dishes both nights.

[PTC]

#2 - You mean saying "I'm fine" all the time doesn't cut it? :)