About Johanna


« why bother talking about perfect | Main | peanut butter cookies and oatmeal ones »

November 21, 2009


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:-) So there are many different kinds of "Perfect" should we say?

I guess your little friend is Perfect at being absolutely positively Himself. Perfectly human and Wonderful. Throw up and all.


I truly struggle with my emotions, I almost never am able to identify them. This post definitely stirred my emotions. Tears filled my eyes. I want to be okay, better than okay, I want to be happy being myself. It is really hard for me to keep track of myself, I seem to get lost an awful lot. It gets hard for me too, when I feel like people don't want anything to do with me when I'm myself. That's probably an entirely different issue though.

I listen a lot to the Johnny Diaz song "A more beautiful you" it basically says what you said Johanna. There can never be a more perfect you. He says a more beautiful you, but its like the same thing. I take it to mean that we were made to be unique and different from everyone around us. And that means that no one else would be better at being Johanna than Johanna, or Laura than Laura or me than me. We're all perfect when we're ourselves. If that makes since, that's how I took what you said Johanna. Is that right?


Ha! What a funny thought. My mom would have a field day with that one. She would cringe. I can see it now. She would actually get angry and say: Of course when you are barfing on your mother you are not perfect. Or when you are being bad or whatever. You are just not perfect.

I think I've mentioned before that my parents actually told me that I couldn't be anything I wanted to be. I come from a very literal family. [I mean they had a reason to worry, I wanted to be a dad when I grew up and I'm not a guy.]

The thing is my mom would say that when you show all of yourself, of course you are not perfect. But I get it. I want to be accepted just as I am and have that be perfectly alright to others. It's really hard though because the people around me (in my family) just don't do that. I guess I can keep working on accepting them for who they are and look around for people who can accept me.


What started my drive for perfectionism in childhood was if I could be perfect I might be able to earn affirmation and love and keep my parents together...it is wierd how at the time it made me feel safer and more in control and powerful...I don't know when it actually turned to trying to keep the perfect diet and eat perfectly...but it did. Perfectionism got so out of control and was miserable. Living in the fuzzy(gray)...not in the black or the white all the time at first is scary especially with food...but I know its freeing. Johanna...sounds like you have some pretty cool friends. :)


Courtney, I wanted to be a dad when I grew up too! (Really, I just wanted to tell the bedtime stories and play soccer outside with kids and, since my dad did that for me, I figured you had to be a dad to get to tell bedtime stories and play soccer with kids.)

My sister wanted to be the tooth fairy.

My brother wanted to be a horse. (And, interestingly, I wanted to name my brother "horse" before he was born. So maybe he really was meant to be a horse.... )



What about when you don't think you are perfect but feel like everyone else thinks you're perfect so you always have to pretend that everything is "fine" all of the time?


PTC, I second that experience/question!!!!!

Super Egg

i really like the title, "yep."


Great Question PTC...

Super Egg

hey ptc i have been thinking about your question. i am sure johanna will have the best answer, but i had a few thoughts of my own. i have plenty of relationships where i show up as that person's perfect chocolate chip cookie. i think everyone in this community is good at doing that. but lately i have been doing some fooling around with this concept. the results are kind of interesting. in the relationships that are strong and healthy, people still loved me for maybe being a peanut butter cookie or an oatmeal cookie (even if that was not their favorite cookie). and in the relationships that are not healthy, people could only hold me as their favorite cookie. so in those relationships, we cannot be as close, or experience the complete possiblities of the relationship.

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