the space between us

You know that saying about something being more than the sum of it's parts? 

When you think about your relationships, do you think about them as you and the other person as individuals, or do you think about them as what is created between you and the other person?

I find that many of the people I work with view their relationships as only the two individuals, as opposed to what the two individuals create together by the nature of their connection.

Relationships aren't just the two people (or person-dog or person-cat or person-whatever it happens to be that we're thinking of), it's also the space between the two people- the sum total (and more) of all the parts of the two people and what that creates.

This is why every relationship in the world is unique. This is why it's possible to have such a variety of relationships. And this is why strong, developed relationships aren't easily abandoned or destroyed. Because the space created between each two of us  (also holds true of relationships where there are more than two people) is unique and special and like nothing else in the world.

A client asked me the other day if I liked all my clients the in the same way. I said that each relationship was unique, and that the connection depended on not just me or the client, but on the space we created together. She was stunned by that idea. It had never occurred to her that relationship was a shared phenomenon; something both parties contributed to and became invested in and cherished and cultivated.

So, that's the thought of the day, and maybe even the Bumper Sticker of The Week: Relationship is the space we create between us.

Comments

[Super Egg]

go space go.
that would make a great painting.

[leanonme]

I'm going to think alot about this one, as i really like the idea. In this way of thinking it feels to me that there is a richer, stronger bond that is actually being woven between the two people. Like a finely woven piece of cloth made to withstand the test of time. Somehow i envision or experience it as having a different quality. One that is not separate, fragile, and risks being replaced or abandoned but rather a relationship that is united and nurtured with a mutual respect.

I also know though that nothing is a guarantee, or forever. I want to trust this idea.So instead of getting ahead of myself and worrying i am just going to contemplate the idea.Thanks Johanna

I almost spun out with this idea and caught myself. My T would be proud :)

[Courtney]

this is really just too much for me to take in. I feel to simple minded to get this concept.

[wendy]

I like the saying...I have come to understand the concept in the last couple of years in relationship to my husband. When others have talked to me about a mutual acquaintance this makes sense, because I believe what they are telling me about the person, but at times have not experienced a person in the same way...that would explain it. :) Cool saying.

[Lauraglaura@gmail.com]

I think I do see relationships as the space between two people. I like seeing relationships this way because, for me, it makes me feel like I'm special (unreplaceble) to the other person just as the other person is unreplaceable to me. It also makes me feel an increased responsibility to nurture the relationship. Seeing it as the space between two people makes the relationship seem "official" and real. When it's just two people, I never really am sure if there is a "Real" relationship or not. It's like in very relationship, there are three actors: you, the other person, and the relationship (i.e., the space).

[Courtney]

I guess calling myself too simple minded is not too nice to myself. Really, I don't get it because I've always been in relationships in which I have actually been replaceable. So, it didn't matter who was on either end of the relationship or in the space between I guess. That's not to say that I don't have some long lasting relationships, it's just that this space between business is a very new and complex concept to me.