This messy list may evolve bit by bit. There are so many examples in life that I've sort of gotten my brain all clogged up with them (no comments from you guys about this...).
Here are a couple of things I thought of to get us started. Really, I'm hoping you guys will add things too...
1. If you stand in Manhattan and look west over New Jersey you'll see some of the most beautiful sunsets ever invented. I once asked someone about why they are SO pretty and that person said (and we'll just assume for now that he knew what he was talking about and that this is true, because it works really well for our list!) that all the particles in the sky over NJ reflect especially beautifully and make for incredible sunsets. So there... messy skies equals beautiful sunsets.
2. A couple of years ago I missed a flight that I really needed to be on, and I was super annoyed about it. I was hanging out at the airport waiting for the next flight and I randomly met someone who subsequently has become one of my close friends. Messy missed flight/scheduling disaster equalled new friend.
3. I once had a big fight with one of my best friends. It was over something stupid, like really big fights can be, but underneath whatever it was that got us started, it was really about major changes we were going through (happy ones, but big ones). It wasn't fun, but we got through it. And we were even closer and stronger for having been through it and dealt with it. Messy big fight equalled closer, stronger relationship.
4. A couple of 6 year old friends helped me make halloween cookies a couple of weeks ago. We covered the house in flour and frosting. It was a big mess. And a lot of fun. When I was growing up my family knew some people who had THE PERFECT white house. Everything was white- furniture, carpet, walls. They were nice people, but visiting wasn't all that fun- you had to be so darn careful all the time!!! I always felt like if I even breathed I might get something dirty. Visits were very quiet (and, I'm afraid, very boring, for a kid!). I reminded myself of that as my little cookie friends were covering themselves in frosting!
So, this gets us started. To be continued...
I got in a fight with my best friend once and we haven't talked since. Wait, that's happened a few times. I've learned that when you get in fights with people they stop being your friends. If you cause a riff then you get ditched. I don't know how you got stronger in your relationship with your friend after your fight. I guess I'm really just not sold on this messiness thing. Clearly I grew up in the white house you spoke of (not literally).
Posted by: Courtney | November 04, 2009 at 03:57 PM
my life has been really messy, but i ended up meeting some really special people because of it. if i didn't need help sorting things out, i may have not crossed paths with these folks.
Posted by: Super Egg | November 04, 2009 at 04:29 PM
Sooo...what I think you are talking about is the gifts that we gain from going through problems. 1. One of my grandchildren was born three months early. When we knew she was going to be early I began praying daily for six weeks before and the three months of hospitalization. The gift in that ugly terrifying mess is that my heart strings are really attached to that little one.
Two of my grandkids live here and come spend a day with their "Jam" ever so often. The youngest absolutely loves dirt. The bigger the dirt field the better. I opened my refrigerator and there were even muddy little prints in it, where he had stepped trying to reach. I asked him if they were his prints and he told me they were not his, they were his mom's. :) When I asked him if he was going to blame them on her, he said yep. messy prints equal a fun day and a precious memory.
3. I had quite a few messes growing up that left me deeply wounded. Entering counseling for my disorder meant going back to those messes and looking at them and feeling the pain. Out of that has come a couple of different kinds of support groups and two books and hopefully a couple of more. I never knew i could love the women in my groups as much as I do.
4. When I was a volunteer in youth group at church many young gals came and shared their messes with me and a few wept on my shoulders leaving them wet with tears and snot. Messy, but what a priviliege to see the beauty of watching them grow and learn to deal with life in healthier ways. Gift...many of them still contact me and write me cool notes and stuff like that.
Courtney, I also understand what you are saying and have had that same experience where there was conflict and it ended relationships. Some conflict I ran from and some I tried to work through to no avail. But I did learn some valuable lessons even with the pain. Sometimes I can work through it and it strenghthens the relationship, not always.
The messes that scare me are the ones that seem to have a life of their own and the harder I try to solve it or work through it and it seems to make it all worse. All I can say now is I tried my best.
Posted by: wendy | November 04, 2009 at 08:09 PM
Hey Johanna, I wonder if there is a brain laxative for clogged up brains:) you know you invited that one.
Posted by: wendy | November 04, 2009 at 08:10 PM
I wish I could post a picture here because I would post some of those beautiful sunsets in NYC, looking west over the Hudson. Gorgeous!
Posted by: PTC | November 05, 2009 at 05:28 AM