the importance of touch

I was getting a pedicure the other day (have to admit, along with my slight addiction to shoes I'm a fan of having nice feet to put into those shoes...), and it wasn't a very good one. 

The place I typically go is usually quite fabulous but for some reason this time wasn't thrilling at all (and, yes, I'll spare you the details). So as I was sitting there, reminiscing about good old days when I had my last pedicure (which was quite fabulous), I was thinking about how important it is for animals, including us humans, to experience touch.

I was thinking about the different ways that connection manifests itself and how touch is one of those ways. There's the obvious things we think about when we think of connection and touch: getting a hug from someone we care about, patting a child on the back when he does something cool...

I was also thinking about other ways we encounter touch, and how meaningful they can be. Sitting next to someone we care about and (even accidentally) brushing up against them is physical connection; getting a massage can be physical connection; any of us who are around children know how much physical connection kids like! As I sat through my latest pedicure (which wasn't bad enough to put a stop to) I missed what is usually present in those pedicures- physical connection.

There's something about the way most of the people in this place take care of people they are working on that this particular woman just didn't have. Maybe she was grumpy, distracted, sick, hates her job... I don't know. Maybe this is just how she is as a person. I really don't know. What I do know is that although she did her job sort of ok, sort of, there was something distinctly "not connected" about the way she was fixing up my little feet.

It didn't end up mattering too terribly much. I won't go back to her, and I am fortunate enough to have sufficient connection in my life that I don't need her to contribute. But the experience did make me think about how much we all need physical contact in our lives. And it made me think how (as so often is true) it's the little things in life that end up being the crucial ones- a pat on the shoulder here, a squeeze of the hand there... just small touches that remind us we're not alone, we're all in this together, and we're connected to each other.

Comments

[Laura]

I totally agree!

When I went to college, my roommate and I noticed how we didn't get touched as much as when we were living with our parents. Less pats on the back; less hugs; less cuddles; less nudges... all of that that I was fortunate to get from my family. So my roommate started purposely giving each other goodnight hugs :) I'm out of college now, but sometimes we still text each other at night (we're on opposite sides of the country so though so time timing thing sort of messes it up) and we write "((Goodnight Hug))"

[Super Egg]

so true. i often wonder what i would be like today if touching would have been safe.

[Courtney]

I so understand this. A few years ago I went to the doctors for the first time in YEARS and she touched me to take my heartbeat and I flinched. I realized that no one had touched me in a really long time. It was really sad.

[Courtney]

Super Egg, I wonder that too sometimes. I'm the one who always had to initiate hugs in my family. And people were always surprised when I tried to touch them.

My mom once told me she didn't like saying I love you cause she said the words themselves didn't mean anything, she said we were just supposed to know it. I never got used to that.

[Ann]

I've been working very hard on being able to be ok with being touched. I still have a difficult time with it. Most of the time I just hate to be touched. My friend, Jake, patted my shoulder on Friday to see if I was feeling any better and I almost freaked out. I did tell him that I hate to be touched, he thought I was rather strange.

I don't mind it when my nephews or nieces give me hugs or sit on my lab, but its really hard for me to be okay with anyone else touching me.

I don't know what I'm so scared of, maybe of getting too close to another person. Maybe I'm scared of being hurt. Probably very likely. I'm working on both of those as well. I've got a lot of growing to do.

[leanonme]

This is so true.

Human touch is so wonderful and cant be replaced i supose. Could we also look at other kinds of touch? A soft blanket, a pet, i dont know im sure there are more. I dont get alot of touch but so cherish it when it feels sincere,heart felt and genuine.

Also i was thikning that for anyone who has experienced physical trauma might be uncomfortable,even triggered by this. I fortunately have not experienced this but Im sure it might be even more difficult.

I would like more Touch in my life , I think? I dont know maybe. Just saying i want more of anything freaks me out. eek.
i want to take it back but i wont :(

I hope your next Pedi is more satisfying......

[Laura]

Courtney, I went to the doctor and they touched me to listen to my heart as well and I also flinched. The doctor followed up by asking me if I was taking anxiety medicine because of how I kept reacting to her touch.

My good friend told me a few months ago how she is way more touchy feely with other people than she is with me. I asked her why. She said it was because everytime she touches me I jump. I had never noticed I do this. I told her I don't care if she touches/hugs me. She said, "Then why do you jump?" I said, "I don't think I do jump." But, since then, I've noticed that she's right. Maybe this is more of a body image thing for me. I don't know...

[Super Egg]

courtney, that is really sad to hear. hugs!

[leanonme]

Ok so this connetion thing is definely something i need. But im so afraid of losing by gaining. Its a dillema to be sure.

[wendy]

I know that when I binged I was really uncomfortable with touch afterward. I also had underlying issues from my past that made it uncomfortable. After I worked on those, I found the hugs from people I considered safe, meant a whole lot!

[wendy]

I also like it when a doctor tells me everything he or she is going to do. That way the touch is not a surprise. Some of that is do to past abuse and some of it was because I have suffered two severly broken bones. The emt's moved me incorrectly on one and I felt like my leg was being ripped apart. Both breaks were extra painful due to the tissue damage, and I told the doctor I suffered from PTSD and needed him to tell me what he was doing. He was so awesome. He would explain how he was going to manipulate my leg or ankle and why. He also would ask me how I was doing. When he took the brace off I was terrified of walking with out it and he let me sit in the office with my friend until I felt like I could handle the emotions of walking with it unprotected.

Oddly enough I had one intern that never ever touched me, he just did blood work. I felt uncomfortable like I must have the plague.