touch list

It might be worthwhile to make a list (only this time I'm not going to make the list... you each are for yourselves, so there...) of ways you appreciate being touched.

Many people have had unfortunate, awkward, disappointing, alarming, scary, etc experiences with touch (including experiencing a lack of touch, as Courtney described). It's easy for those experiences to get generalized to thoughts like: I'm afraid of all touch, I don't want touch, I don't need touch, All touch is dangerous or bad...

The reality is that there are many, many, many kinds of touch, and millions of different situations and contexts that touch can occur in.

It's a good idea to be specific with ourselves about what kinds of touch we value/want/need/appreciate and what kinds we don't.

I have worked with many people who have had difficult experiences with touch and I find we need to work very hard and very specifically on helping them heal those wounds. It can take awhile to get used to, and trusting of, touch, and it is SO worth working on. Touch is indeed one of those indispensable human/animal experiences. 

So, as a way to get clearer about, or remind ourselves of, or gather evidence regarding... how about making a list (doesn't matter how many items are on it, by the way... no being perfectionistic about this!) of the ways you appreciate touch. You can do whatever you want with your list- hide it under your couch, take it to coffee with a friend, talk about it with your therapist, tape it to the mirror, post it to facebook,launch it in a rocket... whatever you like. The point is to spend a little time being conscious about what and how we want touch to be in our lives.

Comments

[Courtney]

just thinking about making this list gives me the creeps. the only one I can think of putting on the list is my dog Luka. That seems fine.

[Courtney]

I know it's a problem with me though. I can tell that the kids I babysit want to hug me but feel awkward about it. I told them I'm starting to steal hugs from them because they aren't very 'huggy' but I know it's me that's causing the uncomfortableness. Once I said that though the little girl became super comfortable touching me and hugging me. I'm still not that comfortable with it but I'm trying.

[wendy]

For me in the list I would have to include setting. I love my husband to be affectionate, but there are times that others are around that I get very uncomfortable. Johanna, I am one who experienced inappropriate touch as a child that made me uncomfortable even with healthy touch...I have experienced great healing from those wounds and can enjoy it with safe people...I work with some gals who are not liking touch and just think it is the way that they are made...i am sad that they won't look into the reasons why.