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October 02, 2009

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Laura

Yes! This is exactly what I keep thinking! Every time I fall down, people get nervous, people feel like I'm getting worse, people want to put me in some program, people want me to try to return to following the meal plan religiously without thinking. But, deep down, I know that if I go back to following the meal plan like that I'd actually be going backwards. I'm trying to do this on my own now. I did agree to increase of frequency of visits with my therapist/nutritionist and that has been a good safeguard while I try to figure out how to do this on my own (with their advice. For example, my therapist gives me advice of how to take things slowly and keeps me thinking positively as I go this route). But I kind of know I have to make these mistakes in order to figure it out.. in order to be able to live life healthfully without a meal plan. I get that the mistakes I make can be dangerous - and that's why it's helpful and nice to have more frequent appointments all throughout the week. When I wasn't ahving frequent appointments, IW as falling down and staying down for too long and it was too hard for me to get back up. But freuqent appointments helps me bounce back up after I fall down. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one that knows that my recent falling down isn't me going backwards... it's part of me getting to where I can be independent. It's like if my parents (read: nutritionist/therapist) were holding my hands and never letting go to teach me to walk before... now they're not holding my hands but they're standing right next to me, their hands just inches away from me, ready to catch me when I fall. That's what it feels like. Adn that's scary for the parents(therapist/nutritionist) and for everyone watching (friends, family members), and it's easy for friends and family members to get ultra concerned... but freedom to safely experiment and fall down is what I need I think.

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