wow

So, this tolerance thing has stirred up some interesting thoughts and feelings for you guys.

And it's giving some of you a real run for your money!! This one seems to have gotten under your skin, Laura, which usually means that it's worth working on- sorry to say :) I think it will pay off in a big way for you though, so don't give up on it.

A couple of further thoughts about the subject. let's keep talking about definitions of the word Tolerance. I could be wrong here, but I'm guessing the way SuperEgg used it is yet another version- to withstand something (not necessarily a person, but maybe a person or an event or action). I'm guessing that's the usage because of the way SuperEgg said that if a person couldn't tolerate than he/she was weak or a failure. This is close to definition #2 of tolerance (the one Courtney was using). 

And about Laura's question- why would we want to be tolerant with ourselves? Well, here's a little list of some reasons: it's more fun, less harsh, less difficult, more sustainable, more realistic and reasonable, more human, more natural (yes, really it is), hard-wired into us (yes, really, again), easier on relationships (an interesting one to think about and for us to talk about), more fulfilling... I could go on and on, but there's a start...

Comments

[Super Egg]

when i think about the use of tolerating myself, it's just a shrug of my shoulders, like no i don't, end of story. and i don't think i would contemplate working on it. just would not come up for me or occur to me.and i don't feel i am trying to be mean to myself about it either.

[Ann]

I prefer the word acceptance over tolerance. When I say I need to tolerate myself I automatically give it a negative connotation. But, when I say I need to have acceptance toward myself I feel more neutral about it. Like okay I really should work on accepting who I am, like to work on just being. But in order to do that I think I need to find out who I am first. Its a little difficult to accept who I am if I don't know who that is, at least separated from ED.
I just did a homework assignment for my T where I did 3 different drawings. One was supposed to be looking through just my eyes and the other through ED's eyes. I ended up doing 2 ED ones. I was surprised after talking about them how much stuff there was to read into the drawings. I just thought it was all surface stuff. Weird. Anyways, I got a little off topic there.

[Courtney]

Ann, I'm with you on the tolerance/ acceptance thing. The wording just gets to me.

[Laura]

First off, Wendy, thank you for all of your insights. I've been turning over what you've been saying in your comments in my head. I am really appreciative of you taking the time to write out responses to my comments.

Those are good reasons for tolerance. Interestingly, my first reaction was, "What will being tolerant help me accomplish?" As if accomplishing things is the only worthwhile thing to do in life.

I actually am starting to see tolerance of myself, patience for myself, acceptance of myself as a worthwhile endeavor. I guess my first reaction is to feel like all those things are equivalent for "settling" for the underachievement or for the "badness" that I am. I guess that's where I'm wrong. I suppose I can strive to be a better person (live in line with my values) and I can strive to achieve AND I can be tolerant of the fact that I'm not yet where I want to be as a person or in life AND I can stil choose to not "settle" but to move forward. IF I'M TOLERANT, however, I'm maybe more likely to be the person I want to be and positively affect the world - because I'm more likely to be present in the moment (and therefore have more perspective, think more rationally, and make better decisions) and also because I'm more likely to engage in encouraging, helpful, effective self talk. If I'm not tolerant of myself, then all I see is myself as a failure. And, then, I give up on myself. Which makes me a lot less fun to be around, a lot less likely to achieve personal, academic, and professional goals, and a lot less able to make the "right decision."

Hmmm... kay, still thinking about it....

Next question: HOW does one become tolerant of themselves? I think I now buy the idea that it's a worthwhile endeavor. Does it mostly have to do with self talk?

[Laura]

I just thought of another benefit of being tolerant. If I were more tolerant of my eating habits, I would be a lot less likely to engage in compensaitng behavior and a lot less likely to feel frozen and paralyzed every time I stop feeling hungry - b/c I'd be tolerant of the satisfied/full feeling. This would allow me to just loosen up, chill, and eat in a more normal pattern that would free me up so much. okay, that in and of itself would be worth it.