gifts

Sometimes therapists get gifts. 

No, not the kind you're thinking I mean- you know, where someone drives up in a small jet and says, "dude, I know you've always wanted your own plane, so here you go..." I have always wanted my own plane, oh yeah, and a llama, but it's pretty unlikely I'm going to get it! And anyway, that's not the kind of gifts I'm talking about. Airplanes and llamas are cool, but these other kinds of gifts are priceless.

I'm talking about gifts like these: 
-a couple of months ago-the first time a client could a identify what she felt
- the time a client really truly understood in her heart that I'm not ever going to hurt her
-the time I could explain to a client why he felt "so crazy" inside and how we could fix it- and I got to see the relief and excitement and hope in his eyes
-the time a client came in and said for the first time ever she'd remembered what we'd talked about in our last meeting and the homework we gave her, which she'd been able to put to use
-the time a client thought "for sure" I was going to "throw her out" for "behaving badly" and she realized I wasn't going to do that and that I didn't think she was behaving badly at all

Now, why am I telling you all this? Well, partly because I love chances to remind myself how grateful I am and what a lucky therapist I am that I get to have this job and work with so many remarkable people. But mostly because I thought it'd be good for you guys to be reminded of the gifts you give us therapists, as well as the rest of the people who care about you.

And because you guys so often get confused and forget what the real gifts are. And you needlessly worry that you're "burdening" us or "not doing things right." 

For instance, when I tell someone he/she has just given me a gift (usually it's the gift of them being themselves in one way or another) she usually looks at me with that "are you kidding!!" look you guys come up with so well. Then she looks at me like I'm patronizing her. Then, like I'm crazy... (ok, well, I get that last one a lot, but that's not the point here).

Contrary to what you guys usually think, it's not you "being perfect" or acting like robots that is thrilling to watch. It's you guys being yourselves! It's you guys taking steps to be true to yourselves and learning to be out in the world as your real selves.

The moral of the story is: being YOU is a great gift to both yourself and those who care about you. And, that is our long and very important Bumper Sticker of the Week :)

Comments

[Laura]

Did you know that I needed to hear this? This is perfect timing. I recently realized that the times that I feel "out of control" and "lost" are the times when I am unsure of how others expect me to act... or I don't know how to impress people and gain their approval... or I don't know how to succeed and prove that I'm good enough/talented enough/smart enough... I either don't know what role to play or I don't believe I can play my role well. Problem is, sometimes I'm letting others assign me the role - not myself. (usually times like those are times when I decide to just be hungry all the time because that is something I can succeed at - I'm not sure if I can succeed at larger, more important things). I recently realized that those questions (What will impress others? What do others want from me?) are irrelevant. I can just be myself and that should be enough - enough to feed myself, enough to live independently, enough to be at peace with what it is I actually want to do (day to day or out of life in a larger sense), enough to state my opinions, enough to state my preferences and needs, enough to seek out comfort when I need it (whether it comes from within me or from something external).

And a question: I had a realization a couple of days ago. Sometimes I feel like people expect so much out of me and I don't think I can meet their expectations. There's just no way! I get more "eating disorder-ed" when I fear that I can't (or don't want to) meet their expectations. Is it possible that I do this because I want people to notice, think worse of me, lower their expectations of me to something as simple as "eat food" so that I feel less pressure? Could "going hungry" be a way to alleviate pressure? If I "go hungry" people get all concerned and suddenly all I have to do to do please them is eat - and, while easier said than done, eating is way easier than achieving world peace and self actualization and being the perfect person....

Not sure if that made sense. I read it over and it doesn't seem to make sense, but I'm also not sure how to edit it - so I'm just going to post.

[Ann]

I read a poem that an eighth grader wrote in one of my text books yesterday and it goes along with the bumper sticker. So, I want to share it.

What's on the Inside

I am an artist,
who draws what she feels, sees, and encounters,
I need love from my friends and family,
I need affection to help me be successful in life,
I want to be all I can be,
To do this I will work hard to achieve,
I am human,
I make mistakes and learn from them,
I will not give up and therefore,
I will be the best by being me.

This young woman has so much wisdom. I read the poem and was just taken aback. I thought man how does a 13 year old know so much about who she is and how I wish I was there.

Its so weird how many times this week and parts of last week that I've received this message about being Me. Apparently I really need to have it drilled into my brain.

[Super Egg]

woo hoo!
that was fun to read!

[Courtney]

I get it, you want us to send you cookies, right? Allllllright... give us your address and they will be in the mail.

Just kidding. :)

This was a great post. Thank you.

[Laura]

No, she wants us to send her llamas :)

[wendy]

Thanks for that...i have always secretly wondered if I should give up my therapist so she has another hour to work with someone more deserving even after she tells me its been a privilege watching me grow...funny the automatic response to hearing that is to want to block it...it is helpful hearing it is true for other therapists. :) I am with you Laura...I think she wants llamas! :)

[Courtney]

we could pool all our money together and get her a llama. :)

[PTC]

Gifts!!!?? I think my T is probably like "ugh, her again!" Well, maybe not, but sometimes I do think that. I don't think I'm giving her any "gifts," though I do bake and bring her in treats! :) She likes those kind of gifts and I like feeding people so it works out oh so well!