saying goodbye

So, you may have noticed this post has a title... for something new and different. Several people have requested/suggested I add titles. I'm not usually a title kind of girl, but, what the heck, I can't ask you guys to experiment with trying new things if I'm not willing to do the same! So, we'll try titles for awhile and see how it goes...

Now, onto the important stuff... how do you say goodbye to a therapist?

Let's start with this: there's not a right or wrong way to do it. The only thing that matters is what you want it to look like. Here are some ways to approach the situation.

1. use your imagination- spend some time imagining exactly, yes, exactly how you would want the meeting to go. Let yourself really have the space to imagine. Some of what you imagine doesn't even have to be realistic- this part of the process is just about brainstorming.

2. make a plan- based on your imaginings, come up with a (realistic) plan for what the last meeting could look like. My fantasy about a last meeting might include a parade of circus animals, especially a llama, and clearly that's not realistic. However, other things I'd imagine would be realistic- for example, to spend some time looking back at the work we did, charting a course for future work with the new therapist, congratulating ourselves about the successes we achieved...

3. make a list- of everything you want to make sure you say. One way to do this is to imagine yourself after the meeting has ended and think about things you would have really wanted to say. You can make two copies of your list if you want- one for you and one for your therapist. Last meetings can be stressful which leads us to forget what we want to say.

Final meetings are about a few things, including honoring the work that's been done, providing an opportunity for closure and for a seamless and strong transition. Think about what you want from this last meeting- your priorities will help you structure the meeting. Don't forget to clearly discuss what, if any, contact you will have in the future- is it ok to write to your old therapist? is it ok to let her know periodically how you are doing? if you do write to her, will she write back? there are all important questions. Also, feel free to talk about this transition with your new therapist- there's no time limit or quota system regarding this- you can talk about it for as long as it's helpful.

Best of luck with your last meeting!

Comments

[Super Egg]

i think your new title style is coooooool....

[Courtney]

When others think you're crazy

Following your lead I decided that my comment should have a tittle. Yes, I'm a nerd. (and proud of it!)

Anyway, lately I've had some realizations that I'm pretty sure my mom thinks I'm crazy. She made a comment that if I told the people at my work that I was fatigued because of a side effect to a medication they would never call me to work for them again. She said it with a giggle and a tone of voice that is really hard to describe but basically implied... um... "why would we want a crazy person working for us". I set myself up for this, I know. I can't believe my mom would talk to me that way. She wouldn't talk to other people that way.

I mean, would she really tell other people in her life that she thinks they are crazy and then laugh about it like they are supposed to agree that it's funny? I highly doubt it.

I know I should just not hang out with her but she needs me to because we are supposed to be a family and yet she can be so hurtful. Ugh.

Okay, off to a full day with my mom (at least the sisters are coming and I can nap in the back seeing as I have the role of crazy Courtney to live up to, right?).

[Super Egg]

get going girl.
where is your next post?
i'm on the edge of my seat ya know.

[PTC]

I would love to hear how you would answer the questions that you asked in your final paragraph, about writing to your T, etc. As a T, what would you do?

Also, sort of off topic, my T will be leaving for maternity leave in Nov. (sort of far away), but do people usually go see a covering person while their Ts are on maternity leave?? People, including my T and my friend who is a T, are trying to convince me to go talk to the other person, I'm sort of refusing. My argument is that it's pointless and stupid b/c the person doesn't know me and I would be talking to some random person. What usually happens in these situations?

[Super Egg]

hey ptc, when my t left to have her spawn, i wished i would have seen someone while she was away. not to replace her, just to have the support would have been nice and helped the time go by.

[Ann]

My next appointment isn't for a couple weeks. Is it okay to share some of my brainstorms on here? So, I can get some feedback prior to the big day. Also, my T wants me to come up with things I want out of the time with the new T or something like that. I'm not even sure where to start. How do I know? I know I'd like the new relationship to be similar to the one I have now with Gina. I don't know how to convey that in words though. This all seems really overwhelming.

Thanks for the help with saying goodbye, I'm going to work on all that stuff this week.

[leanonme]

Dear Ann, i so feel for you, anything we can do to help? As for what to say or work on, how about starting with how you want to go about getting to know this new person? You dont even know yet if this is a good fit and wont know i wouldnt think for awhile. Maybe start with just getting to know her. Get a feeling for the way she works, how she gets to know you.Is she attentive, does she give you good feedback, does she try to really see you for the individual you are? Then i would think that a trust with her can begin to be developed.This new person will Never be Gina. i think discussing the loss and greif of this obviously important relationship with Gina would be something that needs to be brought up as well.I would think that this loss would put you in a very vunerable place with ed. YOu dont want to slip due to a big life change so be as honest about your feels of loss as you can be. Sorry if this makes no sence.Good luck I will be thinking about you.

[Ann]

Thanks Leanonme! It makes total sense, I really appreciate the support, that's why I love writing on here so much!

[PTC]

Superegg, thanks for the input. I'll think about it. Mine is going on her 3rd week of being on vacation this week and she'll be back next week. I think I've done okay without her...for the most part.