PTC, your question about why some people become perfectionistic goes along well with others I can imagine you asking, based on some of the comments you've made- such as, "why would someone hate feelings?" and "how would someone learn to hate feelings?"

And SuperEgg's comment gives us some good insight into the answers to all of these types of questions. 

It may be that some of us are genetically predisposed to certain things like perfectionistic thinking. You know, those gene researcher types are always coming up with new stuff that shows us how powerful our genes are.

But what we know about people who suffer from eating disorders and/or trauma and eating disorders, and/or anything related to either of these, is that they are pretty majorly perfectionistic, rigid, desperate to be in control, and dislike and/or are afraid of emotions. I personally don't believe that anyone is born with such intense characteristics. It seems to me, from being a therapist (not to mention a person) for quite a long time now, that our early experiences and our perceptions of our experiences are enormously important in how our thoughts and beliefs develop.

So, PTC, you might want (ok, so that's not probably the right choice of words... but you know what I mean) to explore how you learned to hate feelings. I just bet your therapist would love to have a discussion with you about that :) And, while the two of you are at it, you can explore how you might have learned you "needed to be" perfectionistic (and I say "needed" because that's how it feels to people- like they have to be that way, like anything else won't be ok and won't keep them safe or in control). And, don't think I'm singling you out or picking on you- all of my clients get subjected to this kind of questioning from me whenever I think I can get away with it! And to be fair, and so I don't talk the talk and not walk the walk, I'm always asking myself questions about why I think a certain way, and why I believe a particular thing.

It's good practice for all of us. And the best news is that, in terms of eating disorders, if you keep questioning your thoughts and your belief systems, and if you honestly listen to what your psyche tells you are the answers :) you'll get a lot of valuable information- information that's at the core of why the disorder had to develop in the first place and how to help it resolve.

Comments

[Laura]

Is it essential to figure out where it (perfectionism, black and white thinking, need for control, etc.) came from? Is it possible for the ED and any other life struggles related to perfectionism/control-freakism to resolve without searching for their cause? I don't have a trauma-filled past so it's not that it's too painful for me to think about my past. It's more just that it's tedious, I'm clueless, and I'd rather not - I guess I'm just lazy. But since I'd rather not, I thought I'd ask if it's essential? I mean, all I can figure is that, from a very young age, I sort of got feedback that made me feel special when I a) achieved something or b) was able to need less (read: nearly nothing) than other people. ????

[Laura]

Do we have to talk about the past? Is there really a point? Can't we just talk about the here and now and about what/how to eat and what to do on a daily basis and what decision to make, etc?

[PTC]

Hmm, maybe we don't want to hear the answers from our psyche! ;)

Good stuff, Johanna. You therapists and your "exploring." Everytime my T wants to "explore" something I tell her to "get a map!!" ;)

Yes, we've started to "explore" the why I hate feelings question and why I don't think I should be allowed to have/show any feelings. We haven't touched on the perfectionism thing yet. I'm sure we'll go down that road. Who knows if it will happen before she gives birth in Nov. I think I have to worry about that for the next months!!