We shouldn't be surprised that those with eating disorders frequently think/believe that having the illness is their fault and that they brought it on themselves.

After all, look at some of the personality traits of individuals who end up with eating disorders. These men and women tend to be: very intelligent, sensitive (by which I mean they have significant emotional capacities and are able to experience feelings deeply), perceptive and observant, sensitive to what other people think about them...

Additionally, they lean toward perfectionism, feel devastated and as if they are failing because they "can't figure out how to be good enough," and are used to being able to fix things (if you study hard enough you can get an A, or, if you train hard enough you can run faster, for example).

So, no surprise that someone who has an ED thinks if he/she just works hard enough or figures out the "correct formula," she can fix what's wrong.

The strength, intellect and determination of someone with an ED can be of great assistance to her- in recovery, in every aspect of her life. However, these same characteristics can be used against herself and really get in the way. Not only is it inaccurate to believe someone is at fault for her illness, it is very unhelpful. Beliefs like this only get someone stuck inside her head (a place a therapist friend of mine once said "could be a very scary neighborhood to be alone in"), unable to find a way out. Around and around she goes with these thoughts; it is severely tiring, repetitive and demoralizing.

The good news about accepting the ED is not your fault is that you don't have to punish yourself for it any longer. The more difficult news is that if you acknowledge you didn't bring it on yourself, you then have to admit you don't know what to do next, you don't know how to "fix" this, and as a consequence you feel out of control. Those aren't easy or pleasant things to come face to face with. Sometimes, even though blaming yourself feels pretty awful, at least it's familiar- you have done it for a long time and you know what to expect- it can seem more manageable to stick with what we know.

People often tell me they see it as a "cop out" to say the ED is not their fault. I don't think so; I think it takes a lot of courage to admit this.

Comments

[Laura Collins]

I so agree with you! Your post inspired me to write on the topic as well.