Spirituality and Recovery by Carolyn Costin and Keesha Broome

Tension & Relaxation

Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you are.
                                                                      - Chinese proverb

In today’s world, it may seem difficult to imagine life without tension. There are hundreds of stresses we must deal with every day. But people who struggle with eating disorders experience tension on a much deeper level – soul tension. This is the tension of expectations and whom a person thinks they should be.

Obedience vs. Resistance

Resistance to the tyranny of your eating disorder is obedience to your soul
                                                                                     -Carolyn Costin

RESISTANCE: noun - the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding
OBEDIENCE: noun - the act or practice of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance.

As a recovered therapist I know that with eating disorders, these definitions are often applied with the wrong intent. When living life with an eating disorder, obedience is definitely a skill that is mastered. By strictly adhering to all of the rules and protocols an eating disordered mind has set up, we live a life of total compliance. From how many times we must cut our food to what plate we must eat it on, there is no room for error when following food rules. The same goes for myriad other rules we make for ourselves regarding our body and our being. Coupled with this obedience is extreme resistance. There is no end to what our eating disorder voice can persuade us to resist. It may tell us that certain foods are bad, that we are bad, that pleasure equals pain and on and on. There is often a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes from withstanding all number of things.