The Way to Happiness

 “Western culture says that the way to achieve happiness is to change our external environment to fit our wishes. But this strategy doesn’t work. In every life, pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame keep showing up, no matter how hard we struggle to have only pleasure, gain and praise.  Buddhist psychology offers a different approach to happiness, teaching that states of consciousness are far more crucial than outer circumstances.”

Eating disorders can often be the tool people use to avoid or protect against the negative. Bingeing and purging or restricting food can create the illusion of protection and comfort from pain, loss and blame. Thinness can be seen as a shield or even as measure of a successful life where pleasure and praise abound. But it is just an illusory and elusive idea. The success is fleeting and inevitably the difficulties of life come creeping back in. Healing does not mean finding a way to live a life without strife. It means learning how to tolerate, accept and utilize all of our circumstances. It is not what our life looks like but rather what our outlook is like. Maya Angelou says it this way – If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

People often hope that healing from their eating disorder will mean that their families get healthier, their job is easier and life is less of a struggle. But unfortunately, this is rarely the case. Families sometimes don’t change and people sometimes have to remain in circumstances that are less than ideal. This doesn’t mean that healing is hopeless or that recovery is worthless. It is learning how to be healthy in the midst of malady and peaceful in the midst of chaos. Approaching our circumstances from a mindset of openness and ability is what will move us forward into goodness and light. We have the power to name our experience. We can bottomline it as good or bad. The choice is ours. Letting go of an eating disorder can be scary. It can feel like letting go of a life raft in the middle of a storm. But we have the choice to look at the waves as overwhelming or to see them as a ride to safer shores. We can acknowledge the role of pain, loss and blame, appreciating their value in teaching us how good the opposite can be. We can be thankful for the rain because without it there would be no rainbow.

Comments

[Nettie]

Come to think of it, my family is as toxic as ever, I loathed my job (while I had one), and my life is no less of a struggle. But recovery has given me the freedom to set boundaries with my toxic relatives and the emotional tools to deal with my lack of a job and my strugging life. :-)

Thanks for the reminder.