When it comes to eating disorders, many of you know that I believe in being fully recovered. (Period.) When I read the piece below in an email last week, I immediately wanted to share it with others. Thanks for allowing me to do that, Karine!
I AM recovered.
Because I am free, I feel free and happy, but I want to do only the things that make me feel good. I look after myself. I don’t think about food, counting calories and thinking I can’t eat that or I am not ALLOWED to eat that! (I think the words we use are key as well in the recovery that was a very important step).
I enjoy it and I have pleasure when I eat, I listen to my body and to myself. I enjoy life, I have a social life, I go out, eat everywhere, anything that I want. I trust myself and my body to rebalance. I engage with people, I travel without planning ahead about food, I do my shopping very relaxed and even excited about the things I want to eat. I know how to calm myself down. I have developed lots of compassion for myself, making me feel secure with my body image and with my decision. I’m not scared about failure (I even like to add I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I’m ready to make a few more!) I’ve learned how to laugh about myself and not to be a control freak when things go wrong. I don’t blame myself. I have developed lots of self-compassion. When I’m travelling I just go out there and can go anywhere, I love it. I don’t really care about what people are going to think or say about me (as I trust those who care and love me for me) I don’t think about it. I also accept a NO, I don’t feel rejected when someone disagrees or says no, I don’t feel like it’s the end of something and I actually think I am learning from someone who challenges my opinion.
Also, if someone asks a question or checks what I’m eating, I don’t explain, or more, justify myself. Sometimes I have had a big lunch, and so a lighter dinner, but as I’m having dinner people check on my plate, I don’t really spend time talking/responding to this as I know what is good for me! And this is another big point which complicates recovery, making it more difficult or harder. It’s what people do and how they look at you (even family). As you want to convince them that you’re fine now with food, you can over eat just to show them!! This is wrong as you are not yourself!!
Also, if someone asks a question or checks what I’m eating, I don’t explain, or more, justify myself. Sometimes I have had a big lunch, and so a lighter dinner, but as I’m having dinner people check on my plate, I don’t really spend time talking/responding to this as I know what is good for me! And this is another big point which complicates recovery, making it more difficult or harder. It’s what people do and how they look at you (even family). As you want to convince them that you’re fine now with food, you can over eat just to show them!! This is wrong as you are not yourself!!
- Karine Berthou, Founder & CEO, Succeed Foundation
For me "recovery" is different for every person. In my very humble opinion, recovery is when you get to a place where you are not just at peace with food, but with yourself. It's when you unconditionally love and accept yourself just the way you are, establish a loving relationship with yourself, and start believing that you can achieve all of the passions and dreams that you want to accomplish in life. It's when you start to smile again (even if for no reason) and see life as one of endless possibilities and enjoy all of the little things that it has to offer, and realize that the journey is more important than the destination. It's about creating our own path and not caring what other people think of our choices, and just having the courage to be and express ourselves. It's about defining life for yourself and seeing possibility in everything, and seeing that uncertainty can bring about life's greatest moments. It's about forming loving friendships and find the "right" person (which I haven't), and just rejecting all those destructive things like perfectionism, judgment of yourself and others, and all forms of negativity. For anyone to try and define recovery in a uniform or objective way is to degrade, demean and insult everyone who has struggled so hard to overcome their eating disorder.
Posted by: Adam Lamparello | June 25, 2012 at 02:23 PM
Thank you for sharing this wonderful view on recovery. I definitely agree with you, Adam, that recovery is something that is very different for each person. I believe that for me it was about learning who I am, learning to trust myself and my body, and nurturing a loving connection between these. It is being able to believe in the Universe and let go and surrender without having to control or complain. There are so many finer aspects of recovery that go way beyond the obsession with food and the body. It is truly learning how to live life in a way that is fulfilling and that creates peace and happiness - which is something that is unique and different for every single person in recovery! It's refreshing to know that we can make recovery (and our lives) whatever we want them to be.
~Lauren
http://www.healingforeatingdisorders.com
Posted by: Laurencowne | June 27, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Thanks for your beautiful insights!
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thank you for this blog, keep it up!
Posted by: A Place of Hope | August 10, 2012 at 01:14 PM
My best friend is on the road to recovery from a severe ED. At first i didn't understand her, but this website helped: http://www.justsayyes.org/topics/self-image-media-influences/
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