My Match

I am super excited that my new book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life, will be released in September. As it turns out, I wrote way too much for the book, and some of the pieces would not fit. (That's a good problem to have actually!) So --- like I said before --- I am going to start posting some of the things I wrote that did not fit into the book. Here is another piece below. Gotta run: about to get on an airplane!

Love ya,

Jenni

My Match

Ed winked at me the other day. I did not wink back, but I admit that I gave it a second thought. No, I am not talking about my ex, Ed, as in eating disorder. I am talking about some guy named Ed from Idaho. He winked at me via Match.com. All he had to do was look at my profile page, and then click on the button that said, “Wink.” I’m flattered, but Idaho is a bit far from Nashville.

Yes, my friend and I signed up for Match.com. Hanging out in her apartment one night, Melanie and I created profiles, paid the required fee, and laughed a lot. We had been spending a lot of time talking about how we hated men. We had a list of reasons for why we did not like them, and we really liked dwelling on it. We felt sorry for ourselves, and we liked wallowing in that, too. One day Melanie pointed out that we should try to change our attitude. Melanie was also once married to Ed, so she knows a lot of about the power of a positive attitude.

She said, “I think all of our negative talk creates a negative energy. Maybe we should focus on creating positive energy.”

To kick off our positive energy, we thought we would have some fun by creating profiles together on Match.com. We opened our minds up to the possibility that we could actually meet some cool, interesting people. And we used the opportunity to really think about what we wanted in a relationship.

On my profile page, I said that I am very passionate about my work. I wrote, “I want to be with an independent guy who wants to be with an independent woman.”

Some guys might be really turned off by that. Those aren’t the guys I want to date. I want to date the guys who are not intimidated by an independent and confident woman. My match is a confident man, who has a positive attitude, of course.

I just “winked” at someone today. Who knows if he will wink back? It does not really matter to me at this point. What matters is that I am having fun, changing my attitude, and risking letting someone into my life. The worst thing that can happen is that I meet someone new, learn about myself, and get a white chocolate mocha. (Most online relationships begin with the initial coffee date.)

I will confess that I would be hard pressed to wink back at a guy named Ed, even if he did live just around the corner. I don’t think my attitude has adjusted that much yet.

Edward? Maybe.

Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too (McGraw-Hill) and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (McGraw-Hill, September 2009). She is a consultant with Center For Change in Orem, UT. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.

Comments

[Ali]

I'm halfway through your first book and I can't wait until the next one comes out. It's such an inspiration and SO incredibly helpful. I'll probably end up re reading it a few times. Thanks.

[Hannah]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating online for 8 months, kind of weird about the Ed thing, like same names, but I'm sure they will have very different personalities,
Positive is always the best defence!
Lots of love
Hannah
x

[Mistylb.wordpress.com]

I'm catching up on blog-reading tonight and so glad I read this! I've had the same worry about relationships...I have so many goals and personal dreams, I worry about finding a man who will be supportive of them. I've already experienced one relationship with a guy who wanted me to give up performing music. "An independent guy who wants to be with an independent woman" would be a good motto for me to remember too!