Don't Text Spencer

I am so excited that my new book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life, will be released in September. See the new book cover below. What do you think?!

Anyway, as it turns out, I wrote way too much for the book, and some of the pieces would not fit. (That's a good problem to have actually!) So I am going to start posting some of the things I wrote that did not fit into the book. I posted one piece below. You will notice that my new book is less about Ed and more about life. In Goodbye Ed, Hello Me, I hope you get to know me more. I hope you learn to fall in love with life!

Best,

Jenni

Don't Text Spencer
by Jenni Schaefer

A few days ago, I felt lonely. I wanted to smile and laugh with someone. Instead of calling a true friend who I knew would listen and cheer me up, I sent a text message to Spencer, a guy who predictably ignores me. I sent the message, and, of course, he ignored me. Why did I expect a different result?

One definition of insanity is, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I think I am insane. That’s the bad news. The good news is that --- thanks to my work in recovery from my eating disorder  --- I can diagnose insanity rather quickly in my life today and work toward positive growth.

During the depths of my eating disorder, my life was immersed in insane thinking. For example, I knew that restricting inevitably led to bingeing. (Not sometimes, not most of the time, but every time.) Yet, I would still restrict and expect not to binge. “This time, it will be different,” I thought. It was never different. It wasn’t different until I was different. I have heard it said nothing changes if nothing changes. I slowly began to change.

Gratefully, today, after years of hard work, I no longer have insane moments with food. But I still have my insane moments in life. (Those of you who know me personally are nodding your heads up and down right now in agreement.) My challenge today is to recognize these insane ways of thinking and then to move in the direction of positive change. Awareness is key.

The next time I feel lonely, I won’t text Spencer. I am making a commitment to myself right now to call my friend, Melody, instead.

That’s positive change. That’s going sane!

Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too (McGraw-Hill) and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (McGraw-Hill, September 2009). She is a consultant with Center For Change in Orem, UT. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.

 

Comments

[Shea-Marie]

I am so excited about your new book, Jenni! I also loved reading this post "Don't Text Spencer". I swear I do the same exact thing and as I was reading it I just couldn't help but be completely shocked that I did not write that. I thought I was the only one who had problems with always seeming to reach out to the people who you know are not going to be there. Which is when I realized I have been unintentionally living by the quote "Isn't it ironic? We ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, love those who hurt us, and hurt those who love us." As cliche as it may sound, it's so true..for me at least. But as you always seem to do whenever I read your writings, you made me see that I am NOT the ONLY one who does this, just as I am NOT the ONLY one who CANNOT recover. Because I can. :) Again, counting down the days till your book comes out! :) Love you.

~Shea-Marie xoxo

[Laura]

Jenni, I'm so excited about your new book. Can it come sooner?!?! :)

Thanks so, so much for sharing an excerpt that couldn't quite fit in the book. What I love about your writing is that it's so grounded in real-life moments. I do insane things - too - (I'm sure we all do to an extent) - but I still do insane things with food. Simply hearing you say those exact examples is so helpful.

THIS PART WAS A MAJOR HELP FOR ME:
"For example, I knew that restricting inevitably led to bingeing. (Not sometimes, not most of the time, but every time.) Yet, I would still restrict and expect not to binge. “This time, it will be different,” I thought. It was never different. It wasn’t different until I was different. I have heard it said nothing changes if nothing changes. I slowly began to change."

It's so true. I guess if you eventually changed, I can too. It just seems to take forever. This is coming up on the end of year 2 for me of trying to put an end to this madness. I feel like that's an abnormal amount of time.... Why do we adamantly believe that the result of our behavior will be different THIS time? Why can't we just let that go? I guess I am LESS insane with food less than I was a year ago... but still. geezal peets!

Anyway, that was a rambling comment.

bottom line: THANK YOU FOR THE REALNESS OF YOUR WRITING. IT MAKES IT VERY EASY TO RELATE TO AND IT MAKES IT THAT MUCH MORE USEFUL.

[Ann]

Laura,

I'm coming up on the end of year 2 trying to kick ED out too! Hang in there, we'll get there!!

[Laura]

Thanks, Ann. And, yes, we will get there!!

[Jenni Schaefer]

Thanks for all of your comments. KEEP FIGHTING!

Love ya,

Jenni

[Debbie Buonvecchio]

Hi Jenni I was listening to you, at Ophelia's Place in Liverpool, New York, talk on the Doris Smeltzer radio show last year about your new book with a chapter about acquiring new friends as an adult. Is that chapter in this book? I have a daughter fighting an eating disorder who is 25 and was interested when I told her about your chapter. Thanks
Debbie

[Jenni Schaefer]

Thanks for ALL of your great comments! To answer your question, Debbie, yes, there is a section in my new book called "Making Friends." It is all about making friends as an adult and/or after an eating disorder. You have a good memory :)

Appreciate your interest!

Jenni

[runforjoy]

I love the cover and especially the title! Right now I am finally discovering that there is a worthwhile person inside of me. The ED has been my identity for seven years, but now I am starting to develop a real identity, and it is so exciting and freeing to see the change in my life. I like making my own decisions and having control of my own life instead of the illusion of control ED gave me. Funny how real control comes from letting go of control.

But I just wanted to say that I LOVE the title and I can't wait to read it. September seems so far away!

[Hannah]

Jenni, Recently, I have been having hard times with Ed. Hopefully by September I'll sort it out, but if not I'll really look into this book, I'm going to by it anyway. My theraipst has recently told me that my bulimia is becoming my idenity and I won't let it. Jenni you are a true inspiration to millions of girls all over the world, I live in the UK, there must be tons in the USA. I would happily kiss your feet for the great work you have done. I never knew i had a problem, if I didn't pick up your book for the first time. True superstar, looking forward to reading it, you know if you want to, I'd be happy to have an early copy. ;)

Love
Hannah
xxx