A student asks...

We presented a number of talks at Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire last week. During the morning assembly we were able to speak to about 1,000 students. Our first experience with over a thousand students in attendance was at the Coast Guard Academy a number of years ago. Our Exeter audience was as polite and attentive--a relief to us as speakers.

Upon our return home, I received an email from a young girl who asked me a number of probing questions. She was not writing an article or paper (at least she did not reveal as much to me in her email). Below are a few of her more unique questions along with my responses:

Is there a difference between “fat talk” and bullying? Should children in elementary and middle schools have repercussions for using “fat talk”? 

Interesting question. Since all fat talk, whether directed at self or others, is detrimental to our body image and our eating behaviors then I guess it could be said that fat talk is a form of bullying. There need to be policies in place at all schools that address bullying behaviors, whether they include fat talk directed at other people or teasing due to differences in ability (or whatever). I don't think "fat talk" needs to be singled out in bullying policies as it would be included in the spirit of a school's overall "do-no-harm" policy.

Do you think that hating people of a different body type is akin to hating people of a different skin color or other physical appearance different from your own? 

I made a statement at assembly that I now wish I'd expounded on. I said that I had to look at how in my past I hated fat and even fat people. What I failed to say, is that this was an indicator of how much I hated/feared my own "potential" to become fat and had very little to do with "fat people." It seems to me that hatred of people who are different than we (for whatever reasons) is ultimately an expression of our own fears around these differences, especially if they are things that can happen to us (i.e. becoming disabled, ill, old or fat). We see how those with differences are marginalized and treated disrespectfully--we are scared to death of that ever happening to us. That fear becomes easier for us to tolerate if we project it onto others in the form of hate speech and/or actions (in my opinion :)

Do you think presenting this information to a large group is more efficient than talking to others one on one about these issues?

Well, speaking to hundreds at a time allows us to get the message out to far more than doing one-on-one work. I've done both and appreciate both. When time is limited, a larger audience can provide a greater opportunity to touch lives (and hopefully, change minds), yet it doesn't allow for much interaction, discussion or clarification which can often be when learning happens, for both student and speaker. So there are trade-offs in both situations.

 

I found these questions fascinating and definitely not among those we usually hear...I appreciated the spirit of curiosity with which they were asked.

Sending blessings until next time,

Doris

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[Eunice Ko]

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