Once more, it's been a while since you've heard from me. This was my summer of long-neglected "home" projects. The painting of the dining room and kitchen, the installation of a drip watering system for our patio's plethora of plants, the staining of our redwood deck, replacing our old and badly weathered front door...the list went on and on. "No worries," I thought as I typed up the daunting "to dos" in early June. I'd wisely counseled myself, "Do just a bit each day and by the end of August all will be done."
You know the drill: along came the unexpected. A phone call announcing a visit from my father-in-law and his new wife on the weekend of his 87th birthday. This presented an opportunity for us to host a long-overdue family celebration in our home and you guessed it: the need to speed up the completion of the many projects so that ladders and paint buckets were not the first items to greet our guests.
A few days before the "big" day I'd run to Costco to stock up on needed items. As I was leaving the monstrous discount warehouse a woman standing near the exit stepped forward and kindly stated, "I love your haircut ... it looks really beautiful on you." This surprised me. Not only because of this woman's compliment (after all I have entered the age-realm of "invisibility" in our culture) but because of the pause it gave me. I'd smiled warmly and thanked her and then noticed the immediate thought that had popped into my head, "She doesn't mean that, she can't...it isn't true."
Whoa! Where did that come from? Those are the sorts of thoughts I'd have prior to becoming enlightened by our daughter's eating disorder. Yes, I no longer comment on others' physical appearance and when people comment on mine I usually iterate my initial greeting, "It's so good to see you" and the conversation proceeds from there. Maybe it was because this comment was unexpected and from a complete stranger that my old critical voice "tape" was triggered. And maybe not. I had been running pretty fast to try to get things done and had been staying up late and eating meals at odd hours. I was verging on complete exhaustion. A sure-fired recipe for the return of an "old familiar negative voice." I needed to hear its real message: slow down, get to bed earlier, and return to your regular meal routine.
I wish I could report that I did precisely that. Although I knew what I needed to do, I allowed my need to "get it all done" to take precedence. The good news: by the time of our gathering all tasks were not accomplished and I was able to graciously (for the most part :) accept that reality. Final guests left last Sunday and I spent Monday sitting at Dillon Beach with a dear friend just watching the waves and breathing in the salt air. I have been taking it easy and being gentle with myself and my body. I pray I remember this lesson and that I put it into action sooner next time!
With blessings,
Doris
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