A challenge

I have a dear friend who recently explained to me one of the "challenge" portions of her eating disorder treatment. Near the end of her time in the program she was taken on a shopping trip where she was to choose an article of clothing that represented a challenge to her...something that, while entrenched in her eating disorder, she would never have allowed herself to wear. Maybe it accentuated or "exposed" a part of her body she had always hated or hugged her body in a way she feared would bring criticism from others or any of the myriad of reasons we refuse to wear certain clothing due to a discomfort in our own skin.

Ever since I heard this challenge and saw the amazing photograph of my friend beaming with pride in her 'challenge shirt' I have pondered how I might respond to such a "challenge."

I am completely aware of the fact that I carefully choose clothing that does not expose my chest. I have numerous surgical scars peppered there: the very large incision that was made to insert the infusaport under my skin in order to receive doses of chemotherapy and a number of smaller ones where various skin cancers have been removed in addition to the assorted dark spots caused by far too many sunburns over the years. It is vanity complicated by shame that keeps my chest covered.

Yesterday I popped into Ross, one of my favorite bargain shops, to look for a light summer dress (I know, late in the season...but I needed something cool for a trip to sunny Los Angeles). I spotted one with a beautiful infusion of vibrant pinks and maroons--a favorite palette of mine. My exuberance dimmed a bit when, in pulling the dress from the rack, I discovered that its upper portion had cross-in-the-back spaghetti straps, fully exposing the chest (well not really--no bare breasts :) 

My hand immediately moved to reunite hanger and rod when                   I remembered the "challenge." I walked to the dressing room carrying the long, flowing sea of reds draped over my left arm. The fit was just right except .... there in the ghastly lit mirror was my less than perfect neckline.  "Less than perfect!"  I flashed on the scene from a wedding I'd recently attended where I heard whispered remarks about how "unflattering" was the dress of the mother of the groom. To quote one critical observer, "If I had a body like that I certainly wouldn't squeeze it into something so revealing."  In my opinion the dress was stunning--gorgeous color and design--and I remember being impressed that this woman had chosen a style that hugged all the rolls and curves of her middle-aged body. I thought her beautiful.  "Less than perfect" my ass!

The brightly colored dress from Ross now hangs in my closet. I've decided to wait to wear it until I'm at the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) conference in early September. It seems only appropriate that I be in the company of those who know the challenge of wearing something that might cause real or imagined whispers of disapproval when I first courageously expose a part of my body over which I have hitherto felt embarrassment. I must admit, the thought makes me sweat a bit but it also brings a sense of freedom from having to hide, because of discomfort in my own skin, a part of the amazing body that has served me so well. 

So ... what sort of apparel would challenge you??  Maybe you can join me at the NEDA conference and together we can proudly show off our already and always "perfect" bodies!

Blessings until next time,

Doris

Comments

[Dee Christoff]

Do you have a photo of you and the dress? It would be so great if you would post it!
Dee Christoff

[Laurie Vanderboom]

Thanks for this terrific challenge, Doris! I'll look for you in your beeyootiful dress from Ross!
Laurie Vanderboom