Listening harder, again

I’ve been frantically working on creating an 8-week “Family & Friends” Support Group series/curriculum for those impacted by eating disorders. This series will be utilized in a peer led format in areas where support is sparse or nil. The beauty of this tool is that it pulls clips from the many experts I interviewed on my VoiceAmerica radio show, “Savor Yourself…beyond skin deep.” In this way, the DVDs contain voices other than my own and families are given access to information from some of the most well respected professionals in the eating disorder field. Ophelia’s Place (OP) in New York has kindly agreed to pilot the sessions for me. 

I had to overnight the "Day One" DVD as I worked on it up to the last moment possible. As I fine-tuned this video I found myself reflecting on one of the main points made by my first guest, Mary Ellen Clausen, the Founder & Executive Director of OP. When asked what she would do differently with her two daughters who suffered with eating disordered behaviors she said, “I would listen harder.”

Mary Ellen was talking about the listening that goes beyond hearing the words…listening so that the feelings behind and under the words were given space to be fully expressed.  She spoke of hearing and seeing more than the black & white symptoms and instead listening, witnessing and honoring all the shades of grey. And then having the courage to act on what was heard, if that was needed.

I was sharing this with my therapist yesterday. I’d come directly to my appointment with her after dropping the DVD at FedEx. She has witnessed my exhaustion over the past five years of our relationship. She “gets” how compelled I feel to attempt to help others avoid losing a child to an eating disorder but she stated yesterday that she is very worried with how I continually push myself.  She said, “You’ve told me that you, too, would “listen harder” … are you doing that right now?”

I looked at her with a puzzled expression. She allowed her question to sink in and then smiled as she saw the lights dawn. I responded, “Ahh…I hear what you’re saying. Although I believe I would listen harder to Andrea had she lived I am certainly not practicing listening harder to myself…to my own body’s needs.” Bingo! Her reflection of my words allowed me to see that my behaviors provided no evidence of this great learning. 

How can I ask other families to listen harder to their suffering children when I am not able to do it for myself? Yes, my life is hectic and deadlines abound. I can choose to slow things down, though. I can choose to take time each day to allow myself to “listen harder.” And then to respond appropriately to what I hear.

I came home from my therapy appointment and instead of jumping into the next task, I went to bed and took a nap. My body desperately needed to rest. Instead of fixing the fine dinner I’d planned, I called my husband and asked him to bring home some hot soup—something to warm my insides that required no effort from me. I cancelled my appointments this morning and bundled up and went outside and sat with our llamas, two phenomenal listeners who are the role models I needed today.

Obviously, I am back at work, but I plan on taking small breaks throughout the day to listen to my body’s needs and to honor how beautifully it has performed in order to get me to this moment. I must walk my own talk. May you find a way to rest and rejuvenate today as well.

Blessings until next time,

Doris  

Comments

[Joni]

I love you and your heart, Doris..Hugs from Joni in NC

[Jason Sutter]

A good lesson for us all. Thanks for sharing Doris.