What is it…??

In a conversation with my husband the other night I asked him the names of his elementary school teachers and what he most remembered about them.  He did far better than I, recalling all but his third grade teacher.  When it was my turn I was struck not so much by my inability to name as many of my teacher’s as he but by the one memory that instantly popped into my head.  My first grade teacher (whose name I DID recall) continually made derogatory comments about her body.  Once she remarked to another staff member as she came out to collect us from the playground, “I’m as big as a barn!”  Her comment puzzled me.  My grandfather had run a dairy farm…I knew how large a barn was.  This teacher was tall but she certainly did not come close to being the size of a barn.

Although by that point in my life I was a fine story teller, this teacher taught me by example the heights to which exaggeration could be taken.  She was not a kind teacher.  I never wanted to be like her, yet I found myself exaggerating my perception of my own body as well.  If she thought she was huge then I needed to reevaluate my own size.  This happened nearly 50 years ago and yet the memory is as vivid as yesterday.

Knowing what I know today I realize how lasting and sometimes damaging negative remarks about our own body or looks can be.  At dinner with friends a few nights ago they shared with us the excitement and preparations around their daughter’s upcoming nuptials.  The wife, a woman who has heard our presentations nearly a dozen times said, “I got my mother-of-the-bride dress yesterday…I’ve sworn off desserts until the wedding.”

My heart gets heavy with how difficult it is for us to change our thoughts and behaviors…even when we know (but obviously forget) their potential to do harm.  What is it that prompts us to buy a dress that we must worry about fitting into on the day it’s to be worn?  What is it that allows us to make derogatory comments about our bodies, especially in the presence of susceptible ears?  What must we do to change these realities?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Blessings until next time,

Doris

Comments

[Jill]

Now that I have a daughter with an eating disorder I am so aware of what I say! I can't stand looking at some actresses (I can't watch Full House anymore), I quickly change the channel on diet commercials, and hate it that we can't ever eat a meal together without watching our daughter eat, and wonder what she'll be doing later. I never get a full night sleep because I hear her get up. I hate it that I'll probably be stessing our whole vacation watching her eat, and not really wanting to be in public with her in a swimsuit.

I'm in the anger stage. She is someone all girls would love to be like. She's beautiful, talented, smart, has a close and loving family, tons of friends, etc. How could she get sucked into this? Is being thin worth all the heath risks and pain it causes her, her family and friends?

I almost feel like she's selfish for wanting to be thin, when I see how it hurts so many in so many ways and all she seems to care about is being skinny and having little clothes. She is an extremely stylish dresser, and I never comment on her clothes anymore.

I worry about our future. Her future. Will she be able to keep up with college. And our finances with these extra costs. How will she be if (and hopefully when) she does put some weight back on and will need to get rid of some of her little clothes? It's all so very painful and stressful.

We are in the beginning stages of dealing with this. Thankfully we do have good communication most of the time. I believe it may have started this spring and I thank God she began counseling when we approached her in June. Not really willingly at first, but continues to go. She is now connected with a counselor/nutritionist and a doctor. We feel good about this "package deal". They are in the town she will be attending college, but worry about her being gone.

I just found your blog so have some reading to do. I have rambled on here - but thank you for being available.