A response…

Katie, a blog reader, wrote with some excellent questions regarding my previous blog titled, “Sometimes it’s hard to see what we’re looking at.”  She asks:

As a parent, if she [Amy Winehouse] was your child what would you do? As an eating disorders expert now, knowing that she has these problems, other than writing the blog entry, what can you do? By that same token, when you see an obviously anorexic young woman at the market, do you say anything? How do you feel about this? The feeling I get is helplessness.

These are thought provoking queries and I thank Katie for taking the time to respond to the blog article.  Although I have learned a tremendous amount about eating disorders, I certainly do not have all the answers.  In fact, I have far more questions than answers.  I wonder the same things as Katie: What would I do if I had a 23-year-old daughter suffering with an eating disorder who happens to also be a performer?

Cry.  Pray. 

Those two would most likely be my initial reactions.  I would also get as much help and support for me as possible:  I would need to be held by a community of supporters so that I could, in turn, hold my daughter in a way that would aid her healing.

Katie wonders if I could do something to help Amy Winehouse, beyond writing a blog entry.  I don’t know.  There is a part of me that wants to save every sufferer with whom I come in contact.  The reality is that I cannot.

Katie’s final questions are important: “When you see an obviously anorexic young woman at the market, do you say anything? How do you feel about this? The feeling I get is helplessness.”   

I have seen people in public who look to me like they may be suffering with an eating disorder.  What I also know is that when I was undergoing chemotherapy, I, too, looked like I might have an eating disorder (when I wore my wig it camouflaged my baldness extremely well).  I cannot know, just by looks, whether or not someone is suffering with an eating disorder.  I also refuse to comment on weight, and given that the person in question is a complete stranger to me, there is nothing else I can comment on. 

I have a friend who recently told me that she fears for the well-being of the woman who always runs on the treadmill beside hers at the gym.  I’ve encouraged her to share her concerns saying something like, “I don’t know you.  My name is Doris—we workout side-by-side often. Over the last few weeks I’ve become worried about the intensity and length of your workouts—there’s an energy around the exercise that makes me worry for your well-being.”  I have no idea how someone would respond to these words. They might make the person curious about what it is we’ve noticed … or not.

I understand completely Katie’s feelings of helplessness.  When I feel that way, I try to remember (that’s the hardest part for me) to look at what I can do.  Honoring even the smallest of efforts:  I can refuse to engage in body bashing of either mine or someone else’s.  That counts.

Blessings until next time,

Doris