One of the biggest challenges faced by families in the midst of refeeding is the issue of compromise. Time and again parents—seeking to appease their very stressed out child whose eating disorder is struggling to survive in the face of refeeding—end up conceding to the eating disorder and ultimately reinforcing it. Making concessions can lead to many unfortunate results, including:
food ruts (for example, providing the same foods/meals over and over again in order to avoid conflict at meal time)
continued avoidance of certain kinds of foods (e.g., carbs, desserts, fried foods, meat, etc.)
ongoing rigidity related to the circumstances around eating (for example, conceding to a refusal to eat before bed is a common pitfall)
These are just a few of the many ways in which compromise can reinforce eating disordered behavior.
Even the most seemingly minor compromise on these and similar issues can reinforce the existence and illogic of the eating disorder.
If this post is ringing any alarm bells, sit down and write a list of the compromises you may have unwittingly made and develop a plan for addressing each one. If your list is long, it may help to prioritize the order in which you address your action items. Do your best to work your way through the entire list.
It can be difficult—and downright scary—to face down an eating disorder. Use all of your family teamwork and resources to do it….it might just save you much more difficult and painful attempts at correction down the road.
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